Tuesday, June 26

615a-2 fr eggs, 2c stir fry w shredded coconut, s chicken sausage, c reg, supps
730a-c reg w 2T coconut milk
815a-2c reg
10a-1.5c reg
11a-Larabar, 1 macaroon
12p-personal training
130p-salad w .5 avocado & balsamic, 3oz walleye, 2 sm plums, 1 macaroon
3p-10min walk outside, barefoot, parking lot/road, w my team
630p-bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin, 2c stir fry, 4 raw carrots w 4T tomato dressing, 2c decaf w 2T coconut milk, supps
730p-foam rolled, Sticked, tennis balled entire lower body
745p-few bites roasted cauliflower (NOM)
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Today's goal: eat a perfect Whole9 kind of day, minus the PWO snack (just eat a meal). Plugged everything into SparkPeople, will share details later.

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, but...was wide awake at 315. Hit b/r, drank some water, racing brain kept me from falling back. Nothing bad or stressful, just wide awake and thinking.

Some thinking about the unfairness of my running issues, and what if I can't run Ragnar or the Train & Stay or the 50k, but tried to steer clear of that and redirect myself to things I can do something about. Decided to lower my 401k deferral and put the difference into our "new house" savings account. Thinking about what might be my ideal job. (Top two ideas: Doing bookwork for many small businesses. -OR- NSS grows so big that they need a FT bookkeeper. Sign me up, baby!)

Anyway, woke early at 5ish but stayed in bed & dozed, up at 6. A bit tired and dragging, so I had a slow, leisurely, crazy-healthy breakfast. Made today a goal of perfect nutrition to prevent any "I'm tired so I should eat more" excuses.

Body: Neck still tweaked but it's improving. Inner thighs a teensy bit sore. Shin still sore but only if I really flex; no longer there with normal walking. Neck felt better PWO.

Sat at work: 1 hour for meeting, 3ish hours at desk.

Brain: Started out pretty "meh" again. Tired and beating myself up a little over last night's nutfest. Got an incredible boost from a lead who thanked me for thanking her for the TeL nomination (follow that?) - she called me "a strong, confident, passionate woman who I respect very much and am extremely proud of" - you can't read that about yourself and not tear up. Especially when you don't feel very confident!

So today I have decided I should simply act like I truly am that confident. Fake it til you make it! If I pretend that I am self-assured, confident, proud of myself, happy with who I am; if I talk like I am, especially inside my own head,  then eventually it will become my new way of thinking.

One "tough love" thing I told myself was "Just fucking be positive already. It ain't that god damned hard! You're healthy, you have a good job, you have financial security, literally millions of people would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Nobody likes a pitiful whiner. Be a grateful happy person starting RANOW."

Something I did to feel better immediately: bought Quiet Cove tokens for each of my nominators and a couple for my SpartaPowerTreatBuddy. It never ceases to amaze me how good it makes ME feel to do something nice for others, no matter how tiny.

Had a great meeting with Sandy (my direct lead) today as well; I really felt comfortable expressing some concerns about the team and company, and I walked out feeling so grateful that she is my lead. She's amazing.

I finished It Starts With Food this morning. I want everyone in the world to read it. Or at least, everyone in my world. I want my people to be the picture of glowing health! I want ME to be the picture of glowing health. I think I can use people like my mom as motivation to be the best version of me that I can be. If I stop whining about the lack of bread and ice cream in my life, be content that I am healthier this way, and achieve the things I want to achieve, maybe that will inspire her to do more than just "cut back" on grains & dairy. And even if it doesn't, wouldn't it be better to be a non-whining, content, achiever?!

Habit: Pretty good. Belly a bit bloated this morning thanks to last night's nutfest (hence the beating myself up over it) so I chose a dress that is belly-flattering. It's working well. Did have to spin around and admire my calves at one point when I started drifting negative in front of the mirror.

Priorities: 4 more unsubscibes!

Texted Hop this morning asking if he'd be home tonight; he was not home at bedtime last night, and tomorrow night I'll be at NSS pretty late. So just gave him a little notice/prodding to please be home tonight - and it worked!

WOD: Rejuvenate. This means refilling my bucket. The bucket gets holes from training, work, resisting food temptations, lack of sleep, noise, injuries, cloudy days, the general public, oh so many ways! In order to patch & plug those holes and refill your bucket, you need to do the things that refresh & rejuvenate YOU. The means of doing so is going to be something different for everyone. Last week Dustin talked about getting a massage, and my mom adores them, hell - most people do. But I have zero interest in massages. I don't like strangers touching me; this is not relaxing!

But I do like curling up with a book & my kitties on a blanket in my back yard. I love an easy morning run. I like a leisurely bike ride. I love a walk in the woods. (Any time in the woods. Unless it's Crow Wing State Park and populated by 8 bajillion mosquitos!) I like a motorcycle ride through the country. I haven't done this in ages (since I was married to a farmer) but I fucking adore sitting in a cornfield, especially at harvest time, listening to the wind rustling through the leaves. I love a run with someone (almost anyone!), though particularly with Lisa. I love kayaking around Lake Bountiful with Amy. I Everyone loves an afternoon nap. The major theme here is I like silence & time alone. This is what I require to stay sane, and I'm very grateful that I know what I need and can recognize when I need it. I hope you can say the same.


Try not to become a man of success but a man of value.
-Albert Einstein

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