615a-c reg, supps
930a-2c reg w stevia
2p-salad w 2 hb eggs & balsamic, 3oz pork roast, c roasted cauliflower, oz chicken, Uberbar, 2c decaf w 2T coconut milk
630p-micro cake, oz raw cashews, few bites honey sweet potato salad, Uberbar, supps
830p-2 sl smoked pork tenderloin
Throughout day-3 quarts water
Plan: full fast day, mostly to make up for the week. Reality: I felt I should eat at least one large nutritious meal to provide vitamins & minerals & allathat for recovery so I can run again tomorrow without issues. I'll play with some fasting Sat/Sun to keep caloric average down where it should be, but I do intend to fast all day on Monday so I can't/won't go overboard.
Sleep: 9.5 hours in bed. Incredible. Last night I was falling asleep with my book (never happens) at 745 so I just got ready for bed. Crawled in at 830p. Slept solidly all the way to 6a. I needed that! I also took a 2-hour nap at 330p. Hot damn.
Body: Shin fine, neck maybe a bit worse, feet fine. No pain on run, though tight/sore calves afterward.
Brain: BLEAH. I should not have started the day with a run. It didn't go well, and that brought me down. I had this shitty thought: "Maybe running is never going to feel as good as it did in 2010, so perhaps I shouldn't even fucking bother!" I know that even if it isn't effortless, it's still worth doing, and I'm not going to give up, but that's right where my mind went. Stupid, I know.
While outside watering flowers & my tomato plant (holy shit I have 3 tomatoes growing!) and feeding birds and making cats deliriously happy by taking them out into the grass and enjoying the peacefulness of morning in a small town, I started feeling better and stopped thinking "I suck" so that I could think logically about all of this MEHness. Once again I started wondering whether I'm just plain doing too much. Running. Dieting/fasting. Lifting. Pulls/RDLs. Mental stress.
-The mental stress is PURE ME: there is no tax season or looming awfulness or any reason whatsoever, just my own negative self-talk. But it's still a stress on my body, which needs to be taken into consideration (even as I work on killing that negative voice dead).
-The dieting is perhaps reaching that point where the body fights me to hold onto the last happy 10/15 lbs, and maybe that's why it's gotten so much harder, so many more cravings to fight.
-Running is not going to stop.
-Lifting is not going to stop.
-I decided I CAN cut out the minute mania sessions, as the other things are more important. I can still log plenty of pullups at home and I can do handstand practice post-run or -lifting.
Habit: I ran a good 1.5 miles without my shirt on. That's progress. As I ran I told myself that even if today's run wasn't awesome, I still had many things to be grateful for. I am not injured. I have healthy bones and tendons and ligaments and muscles. I am out here fucking RUNNING and Sabrina of two months ago would crying tears of joy.
Jen Comas Keck totally copied me and wrote a great post about how your thoughts affect you, and how important it is to make those thoughts positive. You should read it. NOW GO NOW.
Priorities: Today my priority was me. WFH stuff was easy tasks, I took a bath, I napped, I was very kind to myself after my morning of negativity.
In the eve, went to a party for Jack, which was a wonderful reminder that I have it very, very good. My closest loved ones are all still alive and healthy, and I am extremely grateful to be able to say that.
WOD: Deadlift. Instinct: Screw you, WOD! Thanks for reminding me of my failures! Logic: a few missed deadlifts does not make me a failure. Giving up, that would make me a failure. Stay healthy, stay strong, and don't give up. EVER.
Good ideas don't work unless you do.