Thursday, May 31

245a-2oz venison bacon, micro cake, Larabar, 4c decaf, supps - hunger/cravings/why-the-fuck-am-I-awake
645a-c reg - habit
730a-fr egg & 2.5 sl bacon on 2 sl toast, honey mustard, Larabar, c reg w/ stevia - cravings
930a-Americano w/ SF syrup - habit/cravings/caffeine
12p-personal training
1p-2s tilapia, micro cake, supps - habit/PWO replenish
4p-2c half-calf - energy boost
5p-6c decaf - chilly/LAPW social
730p-2s tilapia, 2c celery w avocado & salsa, coconut yogurt, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

A rough day for eating thanks to thoroughly fucked-up sleep. While eating at 3am, figured I'd make up for it by skipping breakfast and hold out for a late-morning snack, but I really wanted some bacon, so I ate. I knew I could make it to training without getting hungry, but figured I'd battle cravings - planned on telling myself I did not need any more nutrition to fuel training, had plenty of calories in me already - but I didn't have any issues! No hunger, no cravings, and I felt just fine at training! After that, I was on schedule for a normal high day, though working with too many calories thanks to the am eating.

Sleep: Awful! In bed 9p-115a, got up for b/r, couldn't fall back, got up at 215 to read. Ate. Felt 100% awake, as if it were 6am. UGH! Back to bed 415-645. Manages to be 7.75 hours in bed, but at most it was 6.75 asleep. And I was feeling it all morning.

Body: No soreness, just tired. Training felt excellent, no issues even with the semi-squirrelly deadlift.

Brain: Slow and muddled, but attitude was fine. Training gave me a ginormous boost - hot damn, do deadlifts make me happy! Eve LAPW social was fun and also good for the brain.

In case you forgot, you are awesome.
-Joy Rodas, to me, on 2/3/12
I just came across this in my vision file...and it brought tears to my eyes.

Treasure your friends and savor (and save) their many small kindnesses. Even on a day I didn't feel that I "needed" a boost, it was just plain delightful to be smacked upside the head with the reminder that I am one of the luckiest people on the planet because I have the best people on the planet.

So, for anyone reading this: thank you for being one of my people.

YOU are awesomeness squared.

Wednesday, May 30

5a-Larabar, oz brain food, c reg, supps - to fuel workout
6a-oz venison, bacon, c reg w/ .5c coconut milk (carton, not the good stuff) - habit/craving
830a-Americano w/ SF syrup- habit/craving
930a-c reg - craving
10a-2c reg - craving
130p-2s tilapia, med apple, oz almonds, supps - hunger
330p-2c decaf - chilly
445p-Larabar, med apple, oz almonds, supps - low energy
645p-1.16m run on roads/sidewalks
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Half-fast day planned. Breakfast to fuel workout & then again whenever hungry, and that's it. The first time I felt hungry was noon, but I was in a meeting 12-1. By 1245p I was freezing cold, in a room that Lisa had called warm. Interesting. But even after eating, I stayed chilled. (Though it also could've been due to my outfit: skirt & thin/ss shirt.) However, I was very lethargic late afternoon, so I ate again to gain some pep for yoga & my long-awaited run.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed. Dozing on/off starting at 4am, cats were active since windows were open. Up at 445a, but I felt fairly well-rested.

Body: Felt fine. Lower back tightened up PWO, perhaps my RDL form was not where I thought it was!

Sat three hours for meetings & goal work (hid myself in rec room for focus time...too easily distracted!). Late afternoon, 430p, I got pretty tired. I had intended to bike to yoga, final chance for me to commute in May, but I just couldn't find the desire.Sorry, NSS!

Brain: Felt fine but workout disappointed me; even though I know it wasn't that big of a deal, it impacted my mindset more than it should have. And then I had me a delicious Americano, bought drinks for two of my people, and that turned me around! Rest of the day was all good.

Remember that poise and power are inseparably associated. The calm and balanced mind is the strong and great mind; the hurried and agitated mind is the weak one.
-Wallace Wattles, The Science of Being Great

Tuesday, May 29

615a-fr egg, pork carnitas, 2 sl toast, micro cake, c reg, supps - normal breakfast
730a-c reg w/ stevia - habit
830a-2c reg - habit
10a-Larabar, oz almonds, sm apple, supps - pWO energy
12p-personal training
130p-s tilapia, 2c raw veg, oz almonds, sm apple, supps - PWO restock, felt depleted
645p-pork carnitas, 2c asparagus, micro cake, oz brain food, 2c decaf, supps - hunger/bit o' cravings
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 9.5 hours in bed. Hot damn, and on a school night even! In bed by 845p, took a while to fall asleep, wide awake at 2am for b/r, felt like I was awake a good half hour, woke naturally about 545a but dozed in/out until Clyde tromped across me at 615a. Got up feeling a bit slow & groggy.

Body: Stiff legs at home in morn, but otherwise pretty good. Low back a little bit cranky at desk in am.

Prowler killed me dead in session. The last damn thing I wanted to eat was my healthy fish & salad (with NO DRESSING even, I ran out!), really wanted to justify two Larabars instead, but I reminded myself that I need plenty of quality vitamins & minerals, not just any old calories. I also hit the water hard, and I felt TONS better by 4pm. Not enough to make me want to go biking in the crazy wind, or swimming, or even running (especially to change for only a 5-minute cruise), so I postponed that til tomorrow. Foam rolled at home instead, after supper.

Brain: Good! After a three-day weekend, ready for a little bitty 4-day work-week!

BOOK OFFER: I nabbed The Paleo Solution back from my mom. Anyone want to borrow it?

Boston Bound Sabrina is making her come back!!!
-Brett Larson
Made. My. WEEK.

Monday, May 28

7a-2c reg, supps
8a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
9a-2.75m walk pre-, during-, post-parade
10a-bottle diet Coke
1130a-pulls, RDLs, stands, raises, swings
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Fast day. Hungry at 11a, 2p, cravings, easy to stick to it.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed. Up at 430a for b/r (and due to puking Clyde), crawled back in for another 2 hours, woke feeling great.

Body: Legs felt tight/heavy first thing in the morning, but it didn't last. Workout felt awesome, even on zero calories...only did extra because Amy wasn't finished yet, not trying to be an overachiever! No run due to the parade miles, figured I had nothing to gain in pushing it. Also, if you really want to geek out, look at the heart rate chart here, it's kinda cool to see each spike of work.

Dustin: Speaking of running, I was thinking perhaps I could take it to the trail if I start over at 5 minutes, maybe keeping the long run on grass in the meantime? Or what do you think my next step should be? (pun totally intended)

Brain: Good! Parade was fun with Emma, and the workout made me feel pretty beastly. Made a quick visit to the parents for TWO dozen farm eggs, three chickens, and three beef roasts. Parents rule! Otherwise, pure laziness, got lots of reading done. Lovely!

I don't train to be better than anyone else. I train to be better than my previous self, and to prove to myself that I can do something worthy of some kind of acknowledgement. Something that I can look back on and say, "With enough effort and hard work, this has made me a stronger person." And it has. In more than just a physical sense.
-Christine Beauchamp

Sunday, May 27

830a-2c reg w stevia, supps
1130a-2 fr eggs, 2.5 sl bacon, 2 dinner rolls, micro cake, oz brain food, 2c reg, supps - cravings/tired
215p-basement powerlifting fun
6p-salad w/ balsamic, luau burger w T bbq sauce, 3oz venison bacon, 2 sm apples, supps - cravings/hunger
7p-2s sliced almonds, 2.5s cinnamon crackers, 2c decaf w/ cinnamon - more effing cravings
8p-taste-testing carnitas
Throughout day-1.5 quarts water

Planned fast day, but cravings +  not feeling great = ate lunch. Went big & filling, intending it to be my only meal of the day. (And felt miserable afterward. Too much food!) But then I was craving again at suppertime, so I ate again. And then had dessert. Cravings galore, ugh!

Sleep: 8 hours in bed. I stayed up crazy-late (midnight!) reading, hit b/r at 530, and managed to fall back. Got up at 8a, when Clyde started messing with the little heart-shaped wall hanging which then landed ON MY HEAD. Little fucker! NOT feeling well-rested.

Body: Tight. Achey. Bleah. Sat on couch almost all morning, reading. Ate lunch to get some energy, then paid bills while I waited to lift. (Unlike many others, I find this so much fun! Two reasons: first, accountants love to reconcile things; second, we are nowhere near rich, but I get to watch our net worth climb thanks to my militant obsession with retirement savings...and our lack of children. Kids be spendy, yo.)

Anyway, lifting felt great. Sore lats. No taping required for calluses, already the exposed skin is tough enough to handle pressure (though not abrasion). Slight odd tightness in hip flexors after squats but it went away. I think TGUs were the low-back-angerer last week, as the core felt shocked after those today, in a "What the fuck did you just do to me?" kind of way. More dancing required, this time to "Smack That" - better than Bieber.

The only improvement would have been someone more interesting to chat with than Oscar. He hasn't listened to the latest Carolla, nor does he wax poetic about the magic of coconut.

Also...I am absolutely seeing fat loss progress. It's subtle, but it's definitely there. Legs, arms, even a teensy bit in the belly. YEAH!

Brain: Rather bleah in morning, grateful for a completely-at-home-and-alone-to-boot day. Happy the races were canceled, even. Even though I have had a wonderful week and yesterday was damn near perfection - I really needed a day with no people in order to fully recharge.

Watched videos 3 & 4 of Mike T Nelson's series and picked up some new things. He totally copied me on the 4 meals/day thing, but otherwise it's good stuff regarding protein, carb timing, and micronutrients. I wrote down: deplete the body of energy, not nutrients [for fat loss]. A good thing to remember when wanting to turn to fake-food crap in order to keep calories down. I especially liked the mental aspect of the 4th video, particularly these risks: running out of decision-making capability (Dan John's shaving cream analogy), going balls-out initially at an unsustainable pace (this sounded vaguely familiar?), and the "all or nothing"/afraid of failure mentality (totally new concept to me...that there is any other way to think, that is!).

Adopt a winning attitude that understands you will fail but allows you to achieve your goals.
-Jim Wendler

Saturday, May 26

545a-6oz ham, micro cake, 2c reg, T coconut fat, supps - normal breakfast
8a-Warrior Training
930a(restaurant)-meat lovers scramble, hashbrowns, 3c reg, supps - planned breakfast date
11a-2c decaf - chilly
12p-bottle diet A&W - craving
1p(restaurant)-Subway salad (spinach, chicken, tomatoes, cukes, black olives, green peppers, banana peppers, Sweet Onion Teriyaki sauce), diet Coke - planned date with Emma
4p-2c decaf w T coconut fat
530p-10 ribs - as planned, BEST MEAL EVER
715p-sm apple, micro cake, 2c decaf caramel vanilla tea, supps - craving
830p-2c decaf w T coconut fat
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed. Couldn't sleep in, though I tried.

Body: Great! No pains at all while running or participating in the rest of class. Really feeling excellent today.

Brain: Also great! Training was fun, breakfast with Lisa, Joy, & Rob was excellent, hanging with Emma was awesome. Had hoped I'd have time for an afternoon nap, but no dice. Vegged on couch instead.

RibFest: Deserves its own highlight. Pretty much the bestest meal ever. EVER. I ate 10 ribs, I think, for sure two more than dad. And Massman's ribs were mother-fucking AMAZING. Then of course I came home jonesing for sweets, damn it all.

But now I want to become a professional rib-judger. There are rib contests all over the place, I MUST HIT THEM ALL. Here's what I could find in MN...for sure gotta hit Eagle Bend & Sauk Centre!!
June 6-9: Fargo
June 30: Eagle Bend
July 14: Luverne
July 26-28: Cass Lake
August 2-5: Mankato
August 11: Brainerd
September 8: Sauk Centre

Me, to Brian Klug, regarding his incredible 13.45 miles at a 7:36 pace: Someday, I want to be half as awesome as you.
Brian: @Sabrina, if you were half as awesome as me, you would only be a quarter awesome as you are now.
A fucking awesome compliment wrapped up in MATH. Love that guy!

Friday, May 24

5a-2 fr egg, luau burger, sm apple, c reg, supps - normal breakfast
630a-c reg w/ T coconut fat - habit
8a-plain Americano - habit
930a-s tilapia, salad w/ balsamic, sm apple, Larabar, supps - pWO energy
2p-biked to/from NSS
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Plan was a full-day fast again, but another night of poor sleep changed my plans to eating first two meals in order to fuel a solid workout. Why fasting again? Because tomorrow I have three very indulgent meals planned: breakfast with my Warriors, lunch with my godchild Emma, and supper at RibFest with the parents. Bitchin'! Anyway, hungry at 6pm only. And a little bit tired by then, too, though still not dragging ass like expected. Curled up with two kitties and a book!

Sleep: 7 hours in bed. It was solid, but nowhere near enough. Couldn't sleep past 5a. Had a leisurely breakfast and read extra to ease me into the day slowly. Felt good but am planning to make sleep a tip-top priority this weekend.

Body: Feels great!

Brain: Feels great!

Quote Awesome picture:
Admire the shirt, ignore the fuzzy hair. Tender skin prevented gel usage!

Thursday, May 24

6a-fr egg, 2.5 sl bacon, dinner roll, pineapple coconut micro cake, c reg, supps - normal breakfast plus extra carbs for poor sleep
7a-c reg w/ stevia, T coconut fat - high day indulgence
8a-2c decaf w/ 2T coconut creamer - ditto
915a-tilapia, oz brain food, med apple, 2c reg, supps - pWO energy/craving
12p-personal training
3p-salad w/ balsamic, med apple, oz almonds, 2c half-caff, supps - habit
6p(restaurant)-2 thin pork chops, c plain broccoli - meeting meal
8p-1.5oz mixed nuts, 2c decaf w/ SF syrup - craving
Throughout day-3 quarts water

High day, eat all 4 meals; added extra carbs due to rotten sleep but was hard to strike the balance of how much I needed (about what I ate) vs how much I wanted (definitely more than what I ate). Especially tough when not knowing what I'd be fed for supper. And then after supper, I was snacky and couldn't resist the nuts. But I did read many labels before I found a reasonable-serving-sized small bag that wasn't over 500 calories!

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, but bad. Wide awake ~3-4a, no idea why, but literally felt like I could get up for the day at that point. Managed to fall back, but in/out 5a onward thanks to cats.

Body: Very tight in am, particularly low back, but decent once I got moving. Felt awful ~830a, that h/s/g feeling. Slammed a bunch of cold water, visited Heather to check out her finger-slicin', felt normal again.

Sat on stool 10a onward since I was feeling so tired. Energized at session, and continued to feel good, had energy all eve even though I didn't get home until late.

Brain: Tired & cranky. I know this is all due to sleep. And I know I simply need to be careful to eat enough without going overboard, be sure I'm hydrated, eliminate any extra stress from the day, and get my ass into bed as early as possible...bad day to attend a supper meeting in St Cloud.

Little depressed at the too-small jeans I'm wearing; I do think perhaps they are fitting a tiny bit better, but it's hard to judge; sure didn't look any better in the picture. Though I'm looking at the pictures on the camera, hard to spot any subtle differences when it's that small. Anyway, it might be smarter to only try them on at the end of each 4-week cycle, not weekly. I thought "feeling fat" weekly might be motivation to stick to the diet plan, but it also has the possibility to send me downhll. Too often, looking bad → feeling bad → comfort food...whereas looking good → feeling good → confidence & motivation to keep doing what's working. Maybe I can take the picture weekly and then actually wear something else. Hmm. So many mental tricks to this journey!

After training, I felt awesome. I mean, BRAND FUCKING NEW PERSON. Even with the ripped-up hands. Perhaps it just gave me a sense of bad-assery again? Whatever, however, I'll take it! Getting ready for bed sucked, though. Water burns.

Quote Awesome picture:

My delicate, ladylike hands.

Wednesday, May 23

430a-c reg, supps
530a-c reg w stevia & T coconut fat - habit
630a-taught class, did warm-up only
830a-2c decaf w/ stevia
845a-c reg
945a-2c decaf
12p(restaurant)-salad (iceberg, 2 grape tomatoes, 3 cuke slices, T Italian dressing), steak stir-fry, chicken stir-fry, 3c decaf, supps - meeting
345p-s tilapia*, salad**, sm apple, oz almonds, supps - hunger
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Half-fast day. No breakfast, no supper. Would've attempted another full-fast day but had a lunch meeting.

*When I made the tilapia on Sunday, I diced up some bacon into the same pan. Doesn't add many calories per serving but packs in a whole lotta flavor (along with Garlic Garlic & Onion Onion of course)!

**This week's salad: carrots, cauliflower, red & yellow & orange bell peppers, celery, and baby bok choy. Crunchy flavorful goodness that kicks the ass of any & every stupid flavorless iceberg salad.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed. Up at 2a for b/r, h/s/g. Wide awake at 4a, got up at 430a. Feeling good, though wary of an afternoon crash. Another reason to avoid an all-out fast day.

Body: Stiff initally but felt fine once I got moving. Realized I was plenty tight during class warm-up, but the workout felt great. Discovered low-back tightness at yoga, which felt wonderful.

Brain: I am feeling great. No issues whatsoever.

At LAPW meeting today, I was confirmed as the Treasurer for next year (Jul-Jun). Yay me!


Your mind works best when it's open.
-Stephen Covey

Tuesday, May 22

445a-2 fr eggs, 2.5 sl bacon, ciabatta roll*, c reg, c reg w T coconut fat, supps - normal breakfast
6a-2c reg w/ stevia - habit
7a-2c decaf w/ coconut creamer - habit
9a-Banana Bread Larabar OMG deliciousness, oz brain food**, sm apple, supps - craving/pWO energy
12p-personal training
130p-tilapia, c asparagus w/ red peppers, Larabar (still OMG deliciousness), supps - hunger/PWO restock
5p-2.71-mile trail run
6p-2 luau burgers w pineapple & bbq sauce, salad w balsamic, micro cake***, supps - hunger
Throughout day-3 quarts water

*This roll has a lot of corn (2nd & 3rd ingredients)...testing to confirm that corn and I are not friends. But really hoping small amounts can be gotten away with since it's in a ton of GF items.

**Brain food = .5oz raw cashews, .5oz dried cranberries, dash of cinnamon - I made up 5 tiny containers of this on Sunday, measured out using the food scale because it's so easy to underestimate w/ high-cal foods.

***(I know, I'm going crazy with asterisks. Sorry.) In place of pumpkin/etc, I used pineapple. In place of cocoa, I used shredded coconut. Fabulousness! Next time, when I have the calories to spare: whipped coconut milk topping. YES.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed. Bit choppy late am, in & out, woke up solidly to see my "nightlight alarm" on so I got up; figured it was 530a but it was only 430a. Whoa! But I felt well rested.

Body: Lower back a bit annoyed in morning. Felt disc-y. :o( Focused on good posture. Zero issues at training, afternoon, or running.

Brain: Good!

Felt obsessed with food in morning. "Is it time to eat yet?" feeling was steady until 9am, when I scarfed down my 2nd meal. Good after that, though I did swap in another Larabar in place of a PWO protein shake. Felt like carbs were more necessary, to let me run after work.

There is a fine line between hobby and mental illness; many a runner has crossed it.
-Dean Karnazes

Monday, May 21

445a-2c reg, supps
6a-c reg
630a-taught class; did warm-up w/ them then demonstrated moves only
7a-pulls, swings, handstands, pushups
830a-2c reg
930a-2c decaf
1230p-2c decaf (coooold)
6p-c decaf, supps
7p-c decaf w stevia
Throughout day: 3.5 quarts water

Fasted all day long. Determined to make it a full 36 hours (6pm Sunday - 6am Tuesday).

Week 1, Cycle 2. I am prepared to go hardcore this week, and possibly feel like shit, but I will suck. it. up. I want to make some quick progress to stay motivated for another 4-week cycle. I will be fueled for lifting & running; will eliminate "movement for the sake of movement" when I don't have the energy/desire.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed. Aimed for 8.5 (went to bed at 830p) but was wide awake at 430a. Woke once at 3a but felt well rested.

Body: Knee felt okay but I took the day off running, though, just to be safe. Gold star!

Lower back got annoyed by end of day. Possibly poor standing posture because tucking the pelvis relieved it. Also, my shins look like someone took after me with a bat. Bruises galore.

Brain: Doing fine.

Yesterday I was checking the work calendar to plot out when Hop & I can take our road trip, and discovered that Putnam is on vacation the week of July 4th. I'm her backup. It's payroll week, so her job is hectic. It's also the first 4 days of close, so MY job is hectic. July 4th is also the ONE DAY PER YEAR that people come to my house, thus it gets a thorough top-to-bottom cleaning (whether it needs it or not!), thus my personal life is hectic. I got really seriously totally pissed off when I realized this. That is going to be a god damned week from god damned hell. BUT THEN the little mini Dustin in my head spoke up and told me to let it go, because it's still 6 weeks away, and being pissed off will not make that week any better and it will in fact make the next 6 weeks suck. SO. I got the fuck over it and will save my anger and stress up for that week. Another gold star!

However, we both have so much going on this summer that I found just one single solitary long weekend that we can get away. Dislike.

Had been thinking this weekend about whether or not I should weigh in daily or weekly or whatever, go back to having something objective to measure my progress. But this morning I had a light-bulb moment: my weight doesn't fucking matter. I don't care what I weigh. It means nothing to me what my true body fat % is. I care about how I look and how strong I am. I'd happily weigh 155 lbs if it means I look like Rachel Cosgrove. So there's no reason to measure my weight at all. There is reason to keep taking the daily & weekly pictures, because those are measuring what I care about: my belly. Keep measuring pullups, because I care [way too fucking much] about those. Keep measuring deadlifts & squats & benches (oh my!) and running distance and fuck the rest.

And, unfortunately, I need to keep measuring intake. Not only to get to my body comp goal, but also to help figure out how much I can get away with eating for maintenance (some day).

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.
-Samuel Ullman

Sunday, May 20

645a-2 fr eggs,4 sl bacon, 2 sl toast, micro cake w T coconut milk, c reg, c reg w stevia, supps - normal breakfast plus cravings
1145a-basement powerlifting
1p-fr egg, 2 sl bacon, 2 blueberry muffins, sm apple, c reg, c reg w/ T coconut fat, supps - normal hunger
6p-2 beef/pork burgers, 4 sl bacon, 1/4c crushed pineapple, c asparagus & red pepper, sm apple, supps - time/habit
Throughout day - 2.5 quarts water

Three larger meals. Total cravings fought at breakfast, but felt great at lunch, though perhaps because I had already planned a big ol' carb indulgence. Supper was all about BACON and thus highly satisfying.

Sleep: In bed 7.5 hours. Fell asleep late, choppy in am, cats started stomping on me at probably 530a, up at 630a. Feel fine, but not going to attempt any ambitiousness besides lifting.

Body: Right knee a bit sore. Commence freakout.

No, just kidding. I shut down any emotional response and took a "wait and see" approach, which means "wait and see what Dustin says" more so than "wait a day to see what happens." Whatever works, right?

Lower back got a bit unhappy during workout, possibly exacerbated by Turkish get-ups & bench. Almost skipped deadlifts but instead I just loosened up a bit beforehand (danced to some Bieber...I wish that was a joke...or a euphemism...but it's the sad, shameful truth) and was extra super duper laser focused on form. It went well!

Also did 3 sets of 5 top-third pulls in the afternoon. Able to do them deadleg, even!

Brain: I think I'd give up on running if I didn't have me a chief to tell me what to do and pull me back from the cliff over and over. Recovering from injuries is fucking exhausting to this pea-brain.

But today was fine, I survived by keeping busy: paid bills, set up new printer, did laundry, lifted, cleaned the bathroom, made salads & fish for the week...not too bad!


A picture is worth 1000 words.

Perhaps this one can tell you why Sabrina is in a much better mood these days.

And also, possibly, why Sabrina was injured in the first place? That spike to 34 is due to logging three weekday runs (M/W/F) plus a long Sunday run - rather than a long run ONLY in the two prior weeks. Perhaps recovery time between runs is the issue for me. (Even more than it already was? GAH.)

Saturday, May 19

6a-2 cookies, 2c reg, supps - normal (but indulgent) breakfast
730a-2.25m run
740a-1 kamikaze bug - inhaled, no choice
8a-Warrior Training (didn't run hills, did most everything else)
930a(restaurant)-Exploding Bear Omelet (3 eggs, bacon, ham, sausage, onions, green peppers, tomatoes, mushrooms), 3c reg - planned time but not feeling any hunger
2p-20min picking up branches...moar squatz!!
330p-3 sl French toast, 2oz venison jerky, 2 cookies, oz brain food, 2c decaf, supps - combo of hunger and eve plans
630p-bottle diet Pepsi - energy needed for a late night
8p-1.5c reg - chilly!
Throughout day: 2 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed. Felt like I could've slept later, but Clyde & Oscar were tromping all over me.

1.5-hour nap at noon just because. I was feeling extremely snacky and wanted to avoid willpower drainage; plus guilted the hubster into being my date for the races which meant I'd be up late. Wasn't very restful but it was something.

Body: Little bit stiff, tight lower back early on, but movement felt wonderful. Got stiff at races, especially hip flexors, due to cold...dressed for 70 and it was 55.

Brain: Doing great! Run put me on top of the world (literally crying with joy), then hanging with some of my besties (like Joy!) put me above it.

And I have decided that I want to run like Lisa, lift like Joy, and be as freaking cute as Alana. Is that really so impossible?

There is no way to happiness; happiness IS the way.
-Wayne W Dyer

Friday, May 18

545a-fr egg, 2.5oz venison bacon, 1 sl toast, 2 cookies, c reg, supps - normal breakfast
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
10a-2 cookies, sm apple, 2c decaf w/ stevia - to fuel the workout
145p-2oz almonds - true hunger
2p-bike to/from NSS
6p-oz venison jerky, .5oz cashews, 2c asparagus, cranberry/almond/coconut cookie, supps - true hunger
7p-banana coconut cake topped w/ slivered almonds - purely emotional
Throughout day - 3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed. Pretty solid. Woke at 530a sharp without an alarm again, but today I felt very rested.

Body: Just a bit of lower-back tightness. This is really quite good, considering yesterday's beat down. Hooray!

Shins are full of deadlift bruises, scratches from ditch cleaning, and feet are puffy...I'm hot stuff today, let me tell ya!

Brain: Much improved over yesterday. At least, it was until my husband ditched me for the night to go drinking with his buddies when I was expecting date night. I almost ate another cookie, but stopped myself, figuring I'd end up eating them ALL. Instead, I made the micro cake which I knew would be more calories than one cookie, but would definitely satisfy me.

I calculated out the calories in those cookies I made...about 175 apiece. I was at 100 apiece in my head. Damn! On the other hand, perhaps all those calories are why I felt so good today?

The life you desire has more to do with what you get rid of than what you keep.
-Stephen Covey

Thursday, May 17

545a-2 fr eggs, oz venison bacon, 2 sl toast, micro cake, 2c reg, supps - normal breakfast
7a-c reg
8a-2c decaf w/ 2T coconut creamer
9a-Larabar, oz almonds, sm apple, supps - pre-emptive to fuel training
1130a-personal training
1p-2 hours ditch cleaning
330p-2 turkey dogs, 2s onion crackers, sm apple, supps - normal hunger during trash-picking/very depleted by the time we finished
6p-2 cookies worth of raw cookie dough, 3 cookies, fr egg, 2oz venison bacon, supps - cravings/normal hunger
 Throughout day: 3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, quite solid. Woke w/o alarm at 530p. Still feeling a little tired.

Body: Bit tight all over, nothing major. Left Achilles still tight in AM but much better by training time. Considered biking to/from training, but just didn't have the desire. Same with after work, had planned to swim, but just didn't sound appealing (and after trash picking, the answer was definitely HELL NO). Gave the body a break from "movement for the sake of movement" in hopes that I'll be energetic again for the weekend.

Was seriously beat down and depleted and She-Hulk cranky after ditch-cleaning. Ate salty, and hit the water hard. Helped me return to normal level of crankiness.

Brain: Very "meh" early on. Perhaps I spent too much time staring at my daily belly pictures this morning. And I'm in too-small jeans today (because that's one of my weekly pictures), thus have a big ol' muffin top going on, and I really don't see any damn difference from week 1. So frustrating. I need something else to focus on while the fat s-l-o-w-l-y comes off. That's where the pullups are supposed to come in, but during maintenance week, they are just not going so well.

Yesterday I figured out the cost on our tentative June road trip, and we can't afford it. Correction: we could afford it, but we can't justify it. Plus it just sounds like way too much driving. Maybe we can just road-trip around Minnesota instead. We have our own breweries and mountains, right?

And I am disappointed because the camper I'd been counting on for girls' weekend up by Duluth is not available. And no one thought to let me know until I tried to confirm things. I guess it's my own fault for expecting people to mean what they say, like a chump.

Here's how low I was this morning: I saw leftover desserts from yesterday's fundraiser, and I nearly cried. I just wanted to be able to eat a fucking treat like normal people! Of course, I am still logical: I am super grateful that I can avoid using willpower all the damn time. But fucking a, sometimes I want to indulge, yo.

So I nabbed a couple recipes from paleomg despite being quite worried about making something that I will overeat. Made Coconut Chocolate Chip Cookies into Coconut Dried Cranberry Slivered Almond Cookies...which were almost perfect-o macaroons without my additions. Raw dough was WAY better than the cookies but they are still pretty irresistible to this deprived brain. I could have eaten them all. I ate three, packed up the rest, and then promptly posted this so that I am DONE EATING.

In this culture, we are too busy to take the time to tell ourselves the positive messages we need to hear. Isn't it funny how we always seem to find the time to tell ourselves how lonely, ugly, or fat we are? How much we hate ourselves, our jobs, and our mates? Yes, we always seem to have time for the negative. But when it comes to taking five minutes a day to stare in a mirror and repeat a positive message of love and understanding to the universe, well...sorry, Charlie - only good-tasting tuna get to treat themselves well.
-Ben Stiller

Wednesday, May 16

445a-fr egg, 2 sl toast, 2 pork ribs, c reg, supps - normal breakfast
545a-almond milk latte, Larabar
630a-taught class; did warm-up & finisher (half-Tabata mountain climbers)
845a-Larabar, sm apple, 2c reg - PWO snack
1230p-salad w/ balsamic, 5oz tuna w/ onion crackers & mustard, can Zevia, supps - normal hunger
345p-3.25oz honey bbq jerky, oz almonds, s onion crackers, supps - big-time cravings :(
530p-biked to school, ran 15 minutes, biked to City Park, biked back from City Park
9p-c senna tea
Throughout day: 2 quarts water

Sleep: Awesome. 8 hours in bed, woke once or twice but fell right back. Up at 445a before alarm, feeling rested. Awesome.

Body: Decent. Tight posterior chain, but no issues doing RDLs, they felt awesome. Left Achilles is oddly tight, persisted all day. Lower back tightened up a bit PWO but didn't last. Achilles felt better at bedtime after all the biking/running.

Afternoon meeting = sat for 1.5 hours.

Brain: Good. Busy day: helping with Relay for Life lunch fundraiser, team lunch, team culture event, all-team meeting, bike/run/bike, Ragnar team meeting...whew!

Found a sweet recipe site: - paleo recipes for your slow cooker. Yee haw!

Quote Awesome picture:

Tuesday, May 15

530a-2 fr eggs, 2 sl bacon, 2 sl toast, sm apple, c reg, supps - normal breakfast
645a-almond milk latte
730a-2c reg
945a-2oz almonds, sm apple, supps - normal hunger
12p-personal training
230p-2 ribs, salad w/ balsamic, sm apple, supps - pre-emptive, not hungry really, but had meeting 3-430
545p-3.13-mile bike ride
630p-2 fr eggs, 2.5 sl bacon, 2 sl toast, plain cooked rhubarb scooped w/ cinnamon crackers*, sm apple, supps - more habit than hunger
Throughout day - 2 quarts water

*Filled a "chips and salsa" type crunch & muscle movement!

Sleep: In bed 8 hours. Took a bit to fall asleep, but was 100% solid when I did, finally. Woke about 430, dozed for an hour, up without alarm. God damn, what a difference that makes for me.

Body: Feel good, well-rested. Lower back a touch tight getting out of bed, but normal by the time I made breakfast.

Was feeling rather drained at bedtime. Crawled in at 845!

Brain: Good place.

Dustin question: been reading Dan John's free book on Kindle, finally. And I quite adore him. Plenty of sarcastic smart-assery, ranks him up there with all of my real-life-favorites. Anyway, he writes (here, tip 1 on pg 2) about working on his front squats from a dead stop at the bottom, the sticking point. Would that translate to pullups as well, starting pulls from that 1/3-from-the-top? Or is that not likely to accomplish much?

Moderation is for sissies.
-Dan John
 (See why I like him?)

Monday, May 14

5a-Larabar, 2 turkey dogs, c reg, supps - "on the go," due to class
6a-c reg w/ stevia
630a-taught class (did planks with them ONLY)
7a-10-minute outdoors run and pulls/RDLs/rows
9a-2oz almonds, sm apple, 2c decaf w/ 2T coconut creamer, supps - very low energy
1p-salad w/ balsamic, bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin, med apple, 2c reg, supps - normal hunger
230p-half-mile barefoot parking lot stroll w/ team
6p-half smoked chicken, med apple, supps - normal hunger
Throughout day: 2.5 quarts water

Week 4 is delegated as a maintenance week. As expected, I don't want to do this AT ALL. I want to keep progressing, baby steps or no - and partly I think I'm afraid of losing my momentum. However, learning how to eat at maintenance is certainly one of my challenges, so this is a fine time to work at it. My plan for the week is to aim for ~400 caloies/meal, eat breakfast each day, then eat following meals when hungry or very low-energy only. I want to avoid eating solely due to habit or boredom or cravings.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed. Was literally in bed by 830p, like the hardcore death metal rocker I am. Woke h/s/g at 130a (WTF!) and a couple other times, and alarm woke me at 5. I need to stop this hot/sweaty/gross thing. I fucking hate it. I don't know what causes it. I want my solid nights of sleep back!!

Body: Lower back was very stiff when I got up. Felt about 85 years old. Much better after I got moving, though still a little too tight for my liking. I had already decided last night that I should not do swings this morning, so I did RDLs instead, no concern about form on those. Felt fine! Almost more of a grip challenge than anything else.

Brain: Tired but fine. Zero motivation to do any of my work, though. Wanted to take a nap.

HOT DAMN: I'm already over halfway to my Relay goal! ---- >

How cool are my people??

What is your unique purpose on this earth?
-Stephen Covey

Read This: Whole9

This post is full of genius:
Are You Recovering, or Are You Just Resting?
Rest vs Recovery. Stress is stress. Minimum effective dose. Recovery 101.


Sunday, May 13

7a-fr egg whites, 2 sl bacon, 2 sl GF toast, 2T honey mustard, c reg, supps
730a-almond milk latte
9a-4 hours of weed-pulling
1p-4 ribs, .5 chicken thigh, chicken wing, half sweet potato, 4 bacon-wrapped veg*, strawberries & raspberries & cinnamon crackers dipped into coconut fluff, 3c reg
130p-4 more hours of weed-pulling
7p- 4 ribs, .5c roasted cauliflower, grapefruit, sm apple, supps
Throughout day: 1.5 quarts water

*Asparagus & green beans, assembled like a miniature cord of wood, but tied with a half-strip of bacon, not twine. Best way to eat your veggies, EVER.

Sleep: 6.5 hours in bed. Down late due to dance show & groceries afterward. Up early due to cats. Bastards. Don't they know it's Mother's Day?! Wait, probably not...they are cats, after all.

Body: Decent. All that weed-pulling made the low back (muscles, not discs) and hip flexors ache. First round I did a lot of crouching and squatting and lateral-lunging; felt quite strong and mobilicized! Round 2, after lunch, I pretty much just sat on my ass on the cold hard rocks. Easier.

Brain: Good day of hard work. Felt excellent. For a while I was wishing I had my iPod along, but it was nice to just hear birds chirping and bees buzzing or mom's chatter or Taco Pierre & Bandit wrestling. Didn't hurt that the day was fucking beautimonious.


This (times three) is what I spent 8 hours doing:

My mama is happy.

Saturday, May 12

615a-Larabar, 2 bacon-wrapped pork tenderloins, micro cake, 2c reg, supps
8a-taught Warrior Training class and only participated in warm-up (gold star!)
9a- 2 c reg
11a-bottle diet doc 360 (generic dr pepper)
12p-salad w/ balsamic, bacon & tomato dressing on 1 sl toast, pumpkin cake, 2c roasted cauliflower, Larabar, supps
6p-dessert/cereal (fake granola, dried cranberries, slivered almonds, coconut milk), 2 turkey dogs, .5oz jerky, can Zevia
Throughout day: 2 quarts water

Plan: fast all day, maybe. Reality: too tired. Stuffed myself at meal 2 to the point that my belly hurt for hours later. Then I was fighting cravings at supper time, so I really gave in to sugar, fatty goodness.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed. Choppy again. 330a h/s/g, hit bathroom, fell back. Woke about 5, in & out until getting up at 6. Feeling it, finally. Attempted an afternoon nap, in bed 1.5 hours, asleep maybe 30 min.

Body: Just all-over fatigue. Tight hams. Intended to lift in the basement, but a rest day was clearly needed.

Brain: Doing fine. Enjoyed teaching, decided we're going to make it an hour long, and go to different locations: Victoria's Revenge, LCSP, Inspiration Peak, Andes...have to plot the progression so I can send them running without me for now, but I think it'll be great fun! Also got my oil changed, looked at houses for sale, read some fun stuff, got chores done, attended goddaughter's dance show (so impressed by her talent!), just felt pretty accomplished today, other than my eating plan.

Wore tight tank & shorty shorts while planting flowers and didn't think anything of it. I see a lot of progress in the belly area, but I think I need to go through my closet and toss out items that were always tight in the waist - I just don't think they are ever going to fit again, unless I stop the pullups obsession. Which, as anyone reading this knows: ha fucking ha!


You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.

Friday, May 11

6a-pizza omelet (egg white, turkey pepperoni, olives), 1/4 cantaloupe, blueberry muffin, c reg, supps
830a-Americano w/ SF syrup
12p-15-minute run and swings/pulls
430p-2 turkey dogs wrapped in 1/2 sl bacon, 2oz smoked turkey w/ 2T honey mustard, 2T coconut milk w/ .5s fake granola, supps
630p(restaurant)-ribs, med baked potato, side salad, 2c decaf
Throughout day: 2.5 quarts water

Plan: eat first 3 meals then fast. Reality: supper with a friend planned. Switched it up to normal breakfast, meal 2 when hungry (10.5 hours!), and "whatever" for my supper out. Thinking I might do an all-out fast tomorrow. Maybe. See how I feel.

Sleep: In bed 8 hours. Very choppy, though. Up at 3 for b/r, drink of water, was wide awake and legitimately debated getting up for the day. Ugh.

Body: Feels pretty good. Sore core, particularly upper obliques (kayaking?) but that's it. Hams were pretty angry when I started on the swings, and I really had to think about keeping my form in line...focused a bit more on hip snap today. Arms were too dead to work on handstands.

Brain: Happy that it's Friday and I have the afternoon work at job #2. But that was only a couple hours (and fun), and then I hammered out my own bills, and then I enjoyed a wonderful supper with my oldest friend, my "big sister" Lori. Excellent to catch up with her once again.

Good things come to those that wait, but better things come to those that work their asses off.

-Christine Beauchamp (aka: Cookie Monster) - from an awesome blog post

Thursday, May 10

530a-omelet (turkey pepperoni, olives, egg whites), 2 sl toast w/ coconut butter, 1/4 cantaloupe, c reg, supps
630a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
730a-2c decaf w/ 2T coconut creamer
930a-bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin, bag snap peas, oz almonds, 2c reg, supps
12p-personal training
130p-can Zevia
230p-half-mile parking lot stroll w/ team
4p-bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin, veggies in bone broth, oz almonds, supps
5p-kayaking w/ Amy
7p(restaurant)-8 chicken wings, few strips celery
Throughout day: 2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed. Choppy. Up at 1a for b/r, woke several times, wide awake about 5a or so. Dozed in/out for a bit. Feel fine, though.

Body: Core is a bit sore. I like this! I almost biked to NSS for training, but given all the activity I've already logged this week, it seemed a bit unnecessary. And I was pretty sure I'd hate myself for it post-Prowler.

Brain: Feeling very good. Happy. Content.

I was expecting to hit a pretty solid wall today like I have in the last two weeks. No wall! I feel significantly better. Check out Mon-Thurs for past three weeks:
1=avg 1094 intake, 1568 burned, 474 deficit, ~98g carbs
2=avg 1513 intake, 1665 burned, 152 deficit, ~108g carbs
3=avg 1506 intake, 1769 burned, 263 deficit, ~165g carbs

Know those are VERY ROUGH figures. I estimate food rounded up to the nearest 25 cal, and each food plugs into only 1 of 3 macros. (For example, bacon or almonds are fat; eggs are protein; fruit & veg are carbs.) Calories burned assumes 1400 BMR plus only 50% of the "calories burned" calcs for exercise. 
All that carb boost this week has been from fruits & vegetables. It's actually LESS processed food because I also moved to a lower-cal GF bread than last week.

Interesting stuff. Keeping the "analysis" perspective also helps me stick to my plan, so I don't mess up my experiment. Fun!


People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.
- Dale Carnegie

Wednesday, May 9

430a-2 fr eggs, 2 sl maple bacon, 2 sl toast, grapefruit, c reg, supps
545a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
615a-ran 10 minutes
630a-taught class, participated in warmup & finisher only
815a-plain Americano w/ stevia
1130a-2c decaf w/ stevia
3p-barefoot half-mile parking lot stroll w/ team
330p-curry fish stew, salad w/ balsamic, med green apple, .5s onion crackers, oz almonds, supps
530p-yoga (biked to & from)
7p-fr egg, 2 sl bacon, 2 sl toast, 1/2 cantaloupe, micro cake, supps
Throughout day: 2.5 quarts water

Plan: skip meals 3 & 4. Reality: poor sleep meant I was hesitant to drop that low, especially given the bump in training this week. So I decided to simply eat when hungry. WHAT A CONCEPT.
Actually, it is a wild concept when you're used to battling cravings that tell you to eat all the fucking time. Stopping those cravings and experiencing actual hunger pangs is a whole new world. I'm trying to turn a scientific eye on this whole process, really analyze what's going on. (It's kind of least while it's working. Never can be certain when the body & brain might take a dive on me!) 
I can't believe I made it that long before I was truly hungry, though. I used to eat every 3 hours. I had a damn Outlook reminder set for me to eat that often lest I have blood sugar crashes. Now here I can fast without even trying for 11 hours? So interesting! (And also, I then felt rather awful after eating so much.) Not hungry post-yoga but ate anyway...gotta fuel tomorrow's deadlifts!

Sleep: 7.5 hours. Not very good. Up at 11-ish for b/r (when Hop came to bed, and yes, I had a full sleep cycle in by that point). Wide awake at 415, tried to fall back, got up after 10 minutes. Felt fine, but very aware (and wary...awary?) that I might crash later on.

Body: Feeling pretty good despite the low sleep. Last night's supper full o' carbs plus mental high? I expected it all to catch up and bodyslam me by bedtime, but it didn't. But hopefully it'll cause me to sleep like a rock.

Swings were a million times better today. Avoided mirror so that I didn't think about KB height. Instead I focused on upper body finishing more in deadlift stance, shoulders a little forward, and then I could also feel it a whole lot more in my core with the heavier KB. Cool beans! Also, the 24kg KB swings kind of equate to perfect comfort so form is almost second nature, about like a 135-lb deadlift.

Brain: Riding high after successful run & pullups. (Trying to keep the high from getting TOO high though...moderation, another wild and crazy concept.) Tempering that high is a dress that I thought would look good (didn't try it on, came in wearing workout clothes) but is still really damn tight through the waist & belly. This one isn't stretchy like Saturday's was. Have I added muscle through my trunk, up around my natural waist? I feel like I must have, because it's not like I've got fat hanging around up there, but I am in no way capable of making this judgment objectively.

Last night in Target I almost bought some nuts; I was in the aisle reading labels on new stuff I hadn't seen before. Somehow, I reminded myself that I am incapable of eating one single serving per day of anything other than plain raw almonds, and so I bought nothing. But why the fuck do I even go down that aisle?!


The trouble with many of us is that we just slide along in life. If we would only give, just once, the same amount of reflection to what we want out of life that we give to the question of what to do with a two weeks' vacation, we would be startled at our false standards and the aimless procession of our busy days.
-Dorothy Canfield Fisher

Tuesday, May 8

515a-fr egg, s chicken sausage, grapefruit, c reg, supps
630a-c reg, stevia, T coconut milk
7a-2c reg
10a-bag peas, curry fish stew, Larabar, 2c half-caff w/ stevia, supps
12p-personal training
6p-grapefruit, 2 sl toast w/ SF jelly, c raw strawberries, crunchy creamy red dessert (c strawberries, c rhubarb, 2T coconut milk, cinnamon, handful fake granola), supps
Throughout day: 2.5 quarts water

I planned to eat between training and swimming, but I was waiting to do so until I got hungry...I did not get hungry. Interesting! (This is my plan for meal 3 all week, wait until hungry before eating.)

I say god damn: the BANANA BREAD LARABAR tastes just like actual banana bread! I found this at Elden's. I am inclined to go back and buy the whole damn box. Tried Coconut Cream Pie as well, which was also great, but not OMG I'M SHOUTING ABOUT THIS great.

And also, full-fat coconut milk (from a can, left solidified, not mixed back into the coconut water) is heaven on a spoon. For real. It's neck-and-neck with thick-cut maple bacon. Ooooh, perhaps I should make some maple bacon ice cream using coconut milk? Next week is maintenance week; there may just be room for such a delectable dessert!

Sleep: 8 hours in bed. Wide awake before 5, tried to fall back, couldn't. Solid, though, feeling well-rested.

Body: Good. No issues or aches or pains or anything. Cool!

Brain: Good. Day 6 of close, unusually smooth and thus extremely awesome. Great mood!

Not a direct quote, but bear with me: on The Paleo Solution Podcast they did a testosterone-focused podcast last month, and he received some comments asking for a similar podcast for women. He said it is easy to knock out 40 minutes on testosterone, but to cover female hormones in the same way, he’d need 200 hours. Ha! And also: boo. Why must our bodies be so much more complicated?

And here's another one for those of you females who experience the monthly affliction, this one from Greg Everett on the same podcast: program your de-load week to coincide with your cycle, so that you're backing off at the same time that you always feel rotten. Genius! (Or here's a tip from me: get the IUD. It's even more amazing than bacon. I mean that.)

Monday, May 7

5a-Larabar, oz almonds, c reg, supps
6a-almond milk latte
630a-taught class
7a-pulls, swings, handstands
830a-2c decaf w/ 2T coconut creamer
9a-5oz tuna, 2T mustard, s onion crackers, bag snap peas, can Zevia, supps
1p-2c decaf w/ stevia (fasting chills!)
5p-treadmill test
6p-smoked turkey, snap peas, guacamole, coconut milk w/ fake granola, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Plan: fast until supper. Reality: am workout on low sleep made that unreasonable; ate first two meals, then fasted. The only time I felt hungry all day was at 430p. Surprising. Ate supper because I decided that I just plain wanted to, not super snacky or bingey or anything. I'm relaxing back off the fasting a little bit this week. Cut them to about half, see if I can find a happy balance of fat loss & energy.

Sleep: In bed 7.5 hours. Took a while to fall asleep. Fairly solid, but woke up at 1a for b/r and also woke early, 430a. Rough.

Body: Kind of dragging while at home, lack of sleep. Morning workouts felt fine, though I could feel occasional warnings from lower back (muscles, not disc) on the swings, mostly within the first set or two at both weights. I think it's the natural tendency to arch my back as it swings forward, especially as I go heavy. Laser-like focus on form (thinking glutes, pelvic tilt, just stand up) fixed it each time and then it was fine.

*No knee pain!* Granted, it was only 2.5 miles of easy strolling yesterday, but not even a hint of anything. Left big toe tendon seems a bit cranky, though. What the eff?

It's now been 8 weeks since the 20 miles that made my world fall apart. 'Twas time to test things out. Results: mixed.

Brain: Tired, but class was a great start to the day. Sunshine. Birds. Fresh air. Makes me happy. Work was busy but not too frustrating, typical month-end close anger-making. Finally our team had our audit celebration...never party before it's 100% official! Got pretty tired about 4pm, didn't have a lot to do, had running shoes at home, so I left early. On day 5, even. Pretty amazing!

I skipped out on a Relay for Life captain's meeting to do my treadmill test. Hello, guilt. (Even though there's usually not much I get out of the meeting, and my co-captain is going so I won't miss anything anyway.) At home I spent nearly an hour reading on the couch before I screwed up the nerve to run. I was terrified. If I hadn't pestered Dustin with emails today, thus forcing me to do it, I probably would've chickened out and called myself too tired. Loser.

Anyway, the nerve tingling scares me. Not quite terrified, but threatening tears. I convinced myself that low sleep makes me a wimpy teary wuss and to stop thinking about it until I was well-rested. Or until the Chief could soothe my fears. I am a CHILD.

Find those persons in whose presence you feel more energetic, more creative, and more able to pursue your life goals. Stay away from persons who make you feel apprehensive, or who influence you to doubt yourself. Especially, stay away from those persons who drain you, so that your energy is all used up trying to maintain the relationship.

-Dennis F Augustine

Sunday, May 6

730a-2 fr eggs, s chicken sausage, dinner roll, blueberry muffin, c reg, almond milk latte, supps
1030a-MS Walk, 2.5-miles
1p-omelet (2 eggs, c asparagus, s chicken sausage), coconut oil & SF jelly on toast, sm apple, supps
6p-pint strawberries, c rhubarb, 2c asparagus, T balsamic, s fake granola, oz roasted salted almonds, supps
Throughout day: 2 quarts water

Three larger, filling meals, plenty of delicious carbs. At supper I was extremely snacky so I just let myself eat a rather ridiculous amount of veg & fruit.

Found out Elden's expansion means a pretty kick-ass health-food section, more like Pete's, finally. Lots of excellent treats! Almost bought half a dozen nut-based items, but kept myself to a fake-granola thing that I thought would work well with rhubarb treats.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, fairly solid. Took my Sunday nap anyway: 2.5 hours.

Body: Quite decent. Felt nothing on walk but weirdness on drive there, more in the IT-band/knee connection area.

Brain: Not a relaxing weekend. Needed one. Nap helped.

People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness.
-John Wanamaker

Saturday, May 5

445a-fr egg, s chicken sausage, 2 sl toast, grapefruit, sm apple, c reg, almond milk latte, supps
7a-lightweight powerlifting
9a-fr egg, s chicken sausage, 2 sl toast, dinner roll w SF jelly, c reg, supps
11a-2c half caff w SF syrup
1p (restaurant)-12 honey BBQ wings, diet Coke
 2p-bottle diet Dr Pepper
5p-diet Coke
530p-salad w/ raspberry vinaigrette, chicken breast, baked potato, green beans, oz trail mix, 4c decaf
9p-bottle diet Dr Pepper
Throughout day: 1.5 quarts water

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed. Up at 1230a for b/r but I think that was just too much water too late at night. Woke at 430a and couldn't fall back. Got up feeling rested though!

Body: Feeling good. Tried hops in my warm-up, though, and around #20 or so, felt shin unhappiness. Insert sad emoticon here. Workout itself went great. Inclined to go heavier but dialed back the ambition to prevent any kind of "failure," keep the brain elevated. Bit of tightness in hammies, quite tight in shoulders/upper back, but the rest is good, better than I expected.

Took the day off pulls since doing a whopping 141 over the past 5 days is a wee bit of a jump. I'll try a max effort tomorrow along with the MS Walk and perhaps an easy bike ride.

Brain: Shin pain did not take me down. Kept it in perspective.

Spent some mental effort in the morning on food planning & "conditioning" myself for the day: cousin's wedding, 6 hours of travel - didn't want to fall into a pit of "If I find anything I can eat, I'm going to stuff my face!" Specifically, avoid buying trail mix at the damn gas station, since I would obviously snarf down all 700 calories or whatever. Literally had a bag in my hand and put it back at stop #1, still looked at the selection at stops #2 & #3; thankfully I avoided them and stocked up on diet pop instead. Lesser of two evils, temporarily.

Also wore super sexy dress to wedding. Not my "You're wearing the fuck out of that dress" dress, but the purple custom-made one. (And 3" silver high heels. Don't tell Dustin.) Dress prevented me from ordering fries at Buffalo Wild Wings, too. Brilliant!

Knowing others is intelligence.
Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength.
Mastering yourself is true power.
-Tao Te Ching

Friday, May 4

445a-omelet (2 eggs, 3 asparagus, s chicken sausage, bit of coconut butter), sl toast, grapefruit, c reg, supps
6a-almond milk latte w/ stevia
7a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-2T Sunbutter, s coconut flakes, sm apple
10a-pulls, swings, handstands, elevated pike pushups
12p-can diet Pepsi
1p-Brazilian curry fish stew, salad w/ balsamic, dinner roll
Throughout day: 3.5 quarts water

Plan: three meals, no supper, no carbs. Reality: added some carbs into each meal since I was so beat the last two days, and hoping that would make it easier to skip supper, and keep me from dragging ass tomorrow.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed. Wide awake at 430a, for some stupid reason, so I just got up. Sleep was good.

Body: Was a bit all-over stiff as I got moving this morning, but nothing specifically tight. Have a feeling spending 6 hours in a car tomorrow might be brutal hell on the ol' posterior chain, though.
1pm panic over slight shin pain while walking to car to fetch pop (I know, Heather, a sign to knock that shit off: last can, I swear).

2pm panic over slight shin pain while walking in Finance area.

3pm relief over no shin pain while walking to bathroom.

Brain: All right. Was going to start the day at NSS since I was up so early, partly thinking it would be fun to be someplace so energized that early; but I decided to save it for later in the day since it would give me something to look forward to!

Quote Awesome Picture:

Thursday, May 3

615a-fr egg, s chicken sausage, 2 sl toast, grapefruit, micro cake, dinner roll, c reg, supps
730a-c reg, c almond milk
830a-2c decaf, 2T coconut creamer
10a-2T Sunbutter, s coconut flakes, dinner roll, supps
12p-personal training
130p-Brazilian curry fish stew, salad w/ balsamic, dinner roll, supps
6p-fr egg, s chicken sausage, 2 sl toast, c cauliflower w guacamole, sm apple, T tahini, supps
Throughout day: 2.5 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 9.5 hours. Fuck yeah! Took 1 NyQuil to be sure I'd sleep like a GD rock, and it worked. Solid.

Body: Damn good. Made sure to eat a lot at breakfast, even though I was actually quite satisfied without the add-ons. Prowler really kicked my ass after training, like I wanted to lay down and die (okay, maybe just nap), so I made sure to eat first thing afterward, no waiting. And hit water hard even though I really wanted to go fetch my last can of diet Pepsi.

Brain: A little bit blah, but only because of close week's busy-ness and yet another morning of computer issues. Minor this time, fixed in 20 minutes, but still. Frustrating.

Another new top, looks good, minimizes the belly, brain is happy. Session made me happy. And tired.

Indulged the brain by lazing about in front of TV w/ iPad games while waiting for Hop to get home. But I was in bed by then, sadly.

Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.

Read This: Adam Bornstein

11 Ways to Achieve a Healthier Life

If I were to boil down all of the lessons I've learned in my career into one statement it'd be this: Always be the student.
The game of health is one that you can easily win, as long as you're willing to learn, accept that multiple approaches to fitness and nutrition work, and that trends and opinions can change. Some people interpret this as hypocritical--I consider it a realistic and sustainable approach to living a better life. As a new month descends upon us, I want to make the smartest experts more available to you. So I reached out to the best doctors, nutritionists, and strength coaches in the industry--the real heroes of health and fitness--and had them compile their favorite life lessons. Grab your notebook because the best health course ever created is officially in session.
The whole shebang is here, and definitely worth a few minutes of your time. I guarantee you'll love something in there!

My favorite bit was from Yoni Freedhoff. That section is going into my vision file.

Wednesday, May 2

5a-c reg, c Natural Calm, supps
6a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
630a-taught class (did 8 OH presses, minute of plank-on-ball, minute conditioning only - gold star!)
730a-2c reg
10a-can diet Pepsi
12p(Doolittles)-Cobb salad, 2 diet Pepsi
4p-protein shake (s choco protein & c almond milk), 3oz almonds, supps
Throughout day: 2.5 quarts water.

Plan: fast 'til supper. Reality: small group lunch at noon w/ the CFO. So I ate then, and again at 4pm.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed. Terrible. Remember how I overate last night? Woke almost exactly 8 hours later, h/s/g. Remember how I said I have no reason to overeat? Yeah. I'm a fast learner. What surprises me though is that supper was almost all protein & fat, one little apple was the only carb source. Weird. I also had an awful dream about Jack, where he came to the tax firm, and I thought nothing of it, and then after he left a coworker said, "I thought he died." And then I woke up crying. Alarm woke me and I was still very tired. Yeah, great way to start the day, isn't it?

Body: Feeling okay, overall fatigue, but nothing specific. Knee/shin feels nothing. Cold improving. Left work 15 minutes early, so I took a barefoot walk 'round the block before yoga. Nice. Totally depleted post-yoga. though. Really debated eating, but promised myself a glorious breakfast if I stuck to my plan.

Brain: Not a good start thanks to the terrible sleep. But class was fun, introduced trapbar deadlifts, OH presses, and "Joy's Chest Press" - which they loved of course! And also, super cute outfit, half new, looks good, giving me a nice boost.

Boston pics have been posted: find 'em here!


Love. It.
Hanging up at the MIT museum.

Tuesday, May 1

6a-2 fr eggs, 2 sl maple bacon, 2 sl GF toast, c reg, supps
715a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
8a-2c decaf w/ 2T coconut creamer
10a-5oz tuna w/ 2T mustard, sm apple, oz almonds, can diet Pepsi
12p-personal training
2p-Brazilian curry fish stew, salad w/ balsamic, oz almonds, supps
630p-2 fr eggs, 2 sl maple bacon, 15oz smoked turkey, T honey mustard, sm apple, supps
Throughout day: 2.5 qts water, 1 cough drop

Plan: 3 normal meals, no supper. Reality: felt too shot to not eat. But then overate. Damn delicious turkey! Luckily, Tuesdays are high days so I'm not upset with myself.

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed. Woke naturally, dozing in/out last half hour or so. Got up feeling good!

Body: Cold still lingering, bit phlegmy still, right ear stuffy again, but I feel good. Actually feel impressively good, given all those pulls/swings yesterday. I also feel about 5 lbs lighter than I did post-vacation, seeing return of leg muscle. Hams proved to be tight at session, foam roller did NOT feel good when normally I love it. Didn't get super tired post-Prowler like I did last week. Swimming was fine, though felt the shin muscle angry at the very end. Gah.

Brain: Had to turn down a modeling gig! They asked me to be in a TS photo shoot, but it's on day 6. Stupid month-end close!

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.