Tuesday, April 3

530a-fr egg, 2 sl bacon, 3oz ham, 1 chicken sausage, c reg, supps
630a-almond milk latte, bite of ground pork patty
730a-1.5c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
930a-stir fry w/ ground pork sausage, pork sausage patty, 6 almonds, supps
12p-personal training
1p-can Zevia
145p-salad, 2 hb egg, 3 oz ham steak, 2T guacamole, .5oz slivered almonds, 2c decaf w/ stevia, supps
630p-can Zevia
730p-3oz cashews
8p-2oz almonds
830p-c senna tea

Few-to-no carbs day 3. Overate post-training, but otherwise good. Was going to fast for final meal, but I was getting extremely tired so I nabbed some nuts. And then couldn't stop. I blame this on tasty salted cashews, not the low-carb nonsense. And then on the way home, I also couldn't resist the almonds I had brought for supper. This is a sign to look at calories over the past few days and figure out what kind of caloric cycling I need to set.

Sleep: In bed 8 hours, but took a while to fall asleep. Woke at 4, fell back, up just past 5.

Rehab: Feeling a slight downtick from yesterday. Left knee was giving sharp pains in certain bends, like kneecap is off track a bit - went away by 10a. Stood at tax firm all eve but wasn't too bad since I sat in a 1.5-hr meeting at TS in morn. Lower back did bother a bit but good posture kept fixing it.

Habit: Today I made the effort to stop checking my reflection in all of windows, picture frames, etc. I did still focus on belly in front of a mirror, but it's progress.

Misc: Tax season countdown: 4 shifts / 30 hours of work left after tonight. Hooray!

Interesting: tonight a coworker came into the small office with a bag of McDonald's grub. All I could smell was fat. And it did not smell good like bacon, but gross like old grease. Nasty!

Happiness: (I'm journaling on each of the items in this post.)

Learn to forgive. – Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being.  You see, your mind doesn’t know the difference between past and present emotion.  When you ‘hate’ someone, and you’re continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are eating away at your immune system.  You put yourself in a state of suckerism (technical term) and it stays with you throughout your day.
I try not to truly hate anyone, or even be one of those people who says "I hate [X celebrity]!" because, really, that's ridiculous. You don't even know that person, how can you hate them? But I will confess: there are three people that I think are truly horrible human beings, and I will feel zero sadness when they leave this planet. A long time ago, they treated me terribly and worked hard to paint me me as an awful person. If I run into them, it does usually ruin my day; but on the bright side, I rarely run into them, and rarely think about them, so it doesn't affect me too much.

On the other hand, I have a coworker that I don't hate, but does annoy the crap out of me; meanwhile everyone else pretty much adores them. I interact with this person regularly, and I have to work very hard to prevent from automatically responding with negative thoughts. When I get annoyed, it absolutely bogs me down and makes me see everything they do in a crankypants light. When I make the effort to stop the negativity, to "build a bridge and get over it," I can rediscover my normal attitude and tolerate those interactions just fine.

You know who I really need to forgive, though? Sabrina Marthaler Hoppe. I can (and do) bitch up a storm about the stupid things that girl does and says. I can go on and on about the many ways she has disappointed me. I can point out the many failures in both her brain and body that have completely ruined plans & goals I had made. And I can successfully put myself into a state of suckerism for days, even weeks, on end. Easily.

It takes a lot more effort to talk about the smart things she says and does, the ways she has impressed me, and the many successes in her brain & body that have helped me achieve my goals.

Somehow, that's way the fuck harder.

But it's also way the fuck worth it.

Do not dwell in the past. The past may have affected some of your situation today, but only you have the power to change things around for the better. Continuing to be bitter about what may have happened will only make your perspective more cynical. Overcome what has been, and shift your focus onto what could be. Then see how much brighter the future can appear.
-Christine Beauchamp

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