Wednesday, March 14

445a-egg white & 2 sl bacon w/ honey mustard on GF toast, sm apple, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut creamer, supps
6a-2c reg w/ stevia
630a-taught equipment mania class
815a-2c decaf w/ 2T coconut creamer
930a-2T Sunbutter, 2T coconut flakes, can diet cherry Pepsi, supps
12p-mobility work
215p-s tilapia & onions, salad, oz almonds, supps
5p-25-min walk
630p-can diet root beer
7p-fr egg & 2 sl bacon w/ honey mustard on GF bagel, salad, raisins & slivered almonds & cinnamon in flax milk, c decaf w/ stevia, supps

I felt like I could manage a lower-calorie day, yet I have an injury to heal. How much food does the injury require? Any? Do I just need to get lots of vitamins & minerals from fruits & veggies & fishies, and it's okay if my calories are on the low side? If I get 9 hours of sleep can I get by with less food? It's the same debate every day, really...what is the bare minimum that I need for recovery while not slapping on any more fat? I for one can not just "forget calories and eat what you need to eat" because that will mean I eat about 2500 calories. And still feel restricted. I have no moderation abilities.

-Shin is still sore but it improved with movement; knee didn't hurt anymore while walking so I thought I'd be able to run at noon. No dice, not even close. All other body parts are back to normal. Shin did feel achey on eve walk.

-AFB pulls, am: 6-5-5-5-4 (25 total)

Weight: 137.0 lbs, 19.8% fat - up 1.2lbs from yesterday, down 1.6 from a week ago. I'd call this climb related to standing a couple hours more than normal yesterday, as I can see my feet are a little bit fat. Plus, my 430am weigh-ins are often higher for some reason. Whatever.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed. Little more solid than the past couple nights, though. Knee pain not waking me up at every rollover.

Habit: Done at 10am. Bunch of bonus mobility work because I couldn't run.

Misc: I was having a perfectly fine day until the run was canceled. I then just wanted to curl into a ball and cry. Especially when I saw all the other runners heading outside. That was physically painful, seriously. Internally, I was a toddler throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of a restaurant. Externally, I basically just shut down. Except when I had to close my office door and cry a little. Just so fucking frustrated.

I made an appointment with James, but since 7 other doctors have proved 100% useless over this pain, I honestly don't know if I can expect anything from him. I know what would But I don't know that rest would get me across the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Yes, I did the Train & Stay weekend after a steady diet of rest, and the 50k the very next weekend, but there's a ginormous difference between a trail race & a road race.

Here's the problem with identifying so strongly as a runner: when I can't run, my world is dark and gloomy. Add to that emotional pain: people asking me if I was outside running in the beautiful weather, or how soon is Boston, or whatever, because all they know is "Sabrina=runner" and so I get reminded over and over about my inability to run. In one trip to the other end of the building this afternoon, I was asked THREE TIMES in five minutes about running & Boston. Ugh. I keep thinking about how Ace talked about being happy & pleasant around your coworkers, not to be all doom-and-gloom because of whatever is going on in your personal life...but it's very hard for me NOT to wear my heart on my sleeve. Especially when I'm this worn down.

In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins . . . not through strength but by perseverance.

- H. Jackson Brown

Some-fucking-how, I will persevere. Always.

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