Tuesday, March 20

545a-fr egg, sl beef bacon, T honey mustard, 2 sl GF toast, grapefruit, c reg, supps
7a-c reg, T coconut creamer
8a-1.5c reg
10a-s tilapia, 2 sl egg bake, sm apple, 1.5c decaf w/ T coconut creamer, supps
12p-personal training
2p-fr egg, 1.5sl bacon, T honey mustard, 2 sl GF toast, grapefruit, .75oz almonds, sm apple, supps
6p-2T Sunbutter, sm apple, sm orange, few cashews, supps

Supplement note: doubled my fish oil today.

Weight: I don't know. I am done with daily weigh-ins. So many factors can affect your weight each day that only "big picture" matters. Unfortunately, when I'm in a caloric deficit, or under any kind of physical or mental stress, I completely lose sight of the big picture. No perspective. It is fucking GONE. Dustin suggested I knock this off quite a while ago, but (in oh so many ways) I am a slow learner!

So, while I haven't completely figured it out yet, I think that post-Boston I will return to counting calories with a solid, well-laid-out, Leigh-Peele-style plan that cycles appropriately, and my only job is to stick to that plan each day, and let the results happen. Don't worry about the scale, don't even worry about the measuring tape. I'll want to get my starting numbers, but those go directly into Dustin's hands, not mine; I will focus on the effort only. As painful as it is for me to admit, sometimes the numbers just don't help!

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed. Took forever and a day to fall asleep thanks to the nap, but I did sleep soundly & woke naturally. When I woke at 530, I debated getting another cycle of sleep in, but I was feeling pretty rested so I just got up.

Rehab: Did PT when I got to work, forgot about it at home. Feels better than yesterday. Some steps it doesn't hurt at all! This makes zero sense to me after yesterday's short run hurt basically every step. I did stand at the tax firm again for 3 hours, then a desk opened up for me.

Visit to James was decent: got scraped again, this time by him (yeouch!), and he told me to do the same thing tomorrow that I did yesterday in regards to running, but to add a couple minutes of icing it before I run. He also threw out a slight chance of it being compartment syndrome...oh my god dear baby hey zeus NO THANK YOU.

I'm so tired of this that I don't want to think anymore, I just want to do what I'm told!

Habit: Not in a very belly-flattering outfit today, so that's a challenge, but while I did my PT I looked truly critically in the mirror; objectively, like I'm looking at someone else's body, to which I have no emotional ties. My calves are phenomenal. My arms look good. I love my upper back/shoulders, dude. And I could see that while it sure as fuck isn't flat, my belly is not as big as I think it is.

It's a work in progress.

Misc: 27 days to Boston. I'm a barrel full of emotions. Anxious, worried, nervous, but also excited. I'm aware that I do have the physical ability to go out and cover 26.2 miles right now. I'm also aware that it would feel like absolute and utter shit. So I'm thinking about the mental battles I'll be facing, how hard it will be given my lack of conditioning, and I'm figuring out what I will tell myself to push through. I'm also hoping that the pure motivation of race day and ZOMGBOSTON will help immensely. I'll need it. I'm thinking about what I should eat, and how I will transport that food when it's not likely to be chilly jacket-with-pockets-wearing weather. I'm also thinking logistics for my family, Terri & Jeremy: where do they watch, where do we meet, where can we hang out afterward, etc. So much planning required!

I dare you to not think about the effing numbers. Think about the experience. Just like the IronMan, whether you walk, crawl or slither over the finish line, it’s the fucking finish line of one of the most esteemed athletic events in the history of athletic events. You earned the right to be there. Enjoy the experience because you earned it already. You have nothing to earn at Boston. You get to enjoy this reward for a job well done at your first ever marathon. How amazing is that? This is your reward…this is your cake, or in your case, your biggest tastiest loaf of bread you can ever imagine, so savor each and every bite (step). You already won the race. Now, have your cake (bread) and eat it, too.
-Heather Kosse, to me, obviously

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