715a-tiny sq egg bake dipped in sweet potato butter (taste test), unsweetened almond milk latte (still delicious!)
815a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-3oz pork roast, c sweet potato, supps
11a-10.25m run + 4.75m walk/run
during run-2s Ultima, 3s SP butter
230p (post run)-5 sq egg bake, oz almonds, supps
430p-2T Sunbutter, sm apple
530p-15.5oz turkey jerky, Larabar, supps
9p-iceberg w/ French dressing, dozen-ish BBQ wings
1130p-oz trail mix
Weight: 137.0 lbs, 22.2% fat - down .6 from yesterday, down 1.2 from a week ago.
Sleep: Ugh. 7.5 hours in bed. Got to bed late and then also took a while to cry myself to sleep. Woke at 130a to a tossing & turning husband, hit b/r & drank some water, took a while to fall back asleep. Woke about 4, fell back, up naturally just before 6.
Acne: Had another suspect: could be the delicious beloved pork rinds. Hope not! On the test list. They do have some junk in the ingredient list...maltodextrin, salt, MSC, dextrin. Hmmm.
Misc: I had a pretty awesome annual review. Peers either didn't think or notice or were too nice to mention my shitty attitude all of last year. Meanwhile my self-review was full of how terrible my attitude was and how ashamed I am of it. I = brutally hard on myself.
Anyway, that helped to fuel a good long run. Knee pain did come on, but later, and I managed to dig out another 5 miles with a walk/run combo that I feel good about. Gives me hope.
Post run, did some work, fetched groceries, headed home to shed some tears, and then went to Jack's wake. It went better than I expected, no awful breakdown, not a puddle of slobbery tears. But very difficult to look at the many pictures and the man lying in the coffin that he & his buddies (including my brother) built in shop class in high school...and his family, jesus fuck, how do you stand there all day long and receive people? I don't know. My heart aches for them.
Post-wake, my family went out to eat and then the hubster & I joined a group of friends over at the bar. Swapped stories galore, caught up after hardly seeing each other any more, they just obviously all needed to be together. I couldn't be anything but a passive sober cab waiting to take Hop home.
However, this meant we left for home at 1am, and I got to bed at 2am. When the fuck is the last time I was up that late? Relay for Life, I suppose? Ugh. I was already yawning at 930p!
Here's the thing: average is bullshit. You think it's fine because you're also surrounded by average dudes, so any small difference makes you feel good about yourself. But you need to stop fucking around. It's still average, you know it, and you're better than that.