Wednesday, February 15

445a-fr egg, 2 chick saus, grapefruit, c decaf, supps
6a-c Eggnogg'n tea w/ T coconut milk
630a-equipment mania class
715a-bag sugar snap peas, Americano w/ SF syrup (thanks, Lisa!!)
945a-.5c BBQ pulled pork, c steamed veg, supps
130p-2c decaf tea
230p-microwave pork rinds, supps

Was going to fast today; felt mentally up for it, but physically debatable. Instead, I cut way down on meal sizes, then skipped supper. Provide just barely enough all-day energy, then chop the calories before bed when I won't need them. Gold star for listening to the body!

No noon run. Beautiful day, but after I realized Lisa was gone & I'd be going solo, I was pretty deflated. And my knees felt fat and stiff and so I made excuses: I did not cut back on the class workout this morning so I already got in one very solid workout; running without enthusiasm never goes well for me; I could leave by 4 if I don't run (ok, 415).

Though without yoga tonight, my brain went racing off into Perhaps I could train with Amy! Do Spartacus! Go wild! And then, I realized, I'd go home, eat my fists off, get depressed, kick off a vicious little spiral. Or maybe I'd be just fine. But it's not worth the risk. So instead, I ran errands, then went home and played with Excel stuff for Dustin. Another gold star!

-DL pulls, am: 4x4
-DL pulls, pm: 4x4
-Shins still a little sore but much improved. All else feels good. Back is totally normal. Sore hams in a'noon.
-Noticed a correlation: if I'm not doing my daily pullups, I'm generally doing poorly mentally. If I'm feeling down and weak, I fear "failing" at pullups so I just avoid them. Or when my elbow was hurting and I rested, I feared a return to them because after time off, I'd have slid backwards and would "fail" by not being where I was before. All of this is entirely stupid because NOT DOING THEM is the only true failure. If you notice I'm not doing pullups, TELL ME to get my ass going again!

Weight: 137.2 lbs, 20.9% fat - right direction. Lesson reinforced: my body does not like cashews.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed. Up at 3 for b/r but fell back fairly quickly. Woke naturally shortly after 4, got up at 430 feeling pretty well rested.

Habit: Bringing this back into practice, and starting small: one gallon of plain water per day. I recently realized I was drinking so much coffee and tea that I sometimes only drank one quart of water. Not that I'm worried about dehydration, but if I bump up the water, I will naturally decrease the other stuff. So, a return to habit focus; it worked really damn well last time!

Misc: Since I have Saturday off from the tax firm, I was feeling like I should work there Friday afternoon/eve to make up for it. I had to firmly tell myself NO, I will have plenty to do on Friday already to get prepped for girls' weekend (food shopping & prep, a visit to the parents' for a refresher on dog schedules, furnace control [wood-burning stove], etc). Which felt I should be able to make time for all of it...BUT THEN I told myself I can lift in the basement on Friday if I don't go to the tax firm. And that solidified it: decision made!!

Also, I forgot to share a nice realization during Sunday's run with Lisa: instead of focusing on how much my body comp has backslid, I can and should focus instead on how much stronger I am now. For example, being stuck at 9-10 pulls/chins once again is rather frustrating, but if I factor in that I currently weigh ~10 lbs more than I did the first time I did 10 consecutive pullups, that becomes more impressive: I'm now doing weighted chins!

Unfortunately, being who I am, my next instant thought is: "So how many could I do if I re-lost that 10 lbs?" Sometimes this is good solid motivation, sometimes it's too much negative pressure. Find the balance, right?


Heather shared this on FB yesterday and I. LOVED. IT.

But then I modified it to make it far more impactful for this is now up at my desk and in my vision file and my calendar and on my fridge and my cupboard:

The most important line of this little saying is the last one. I distinctly remember the way I felt in the moment that picture was taken, like I had conquered the motherfucking WORLD and could do any damn thing I wanted...and I want to feel that way again!

THIS is a body I can achieve. This was me and STILL is. This IS something I can do again.

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