Thursday, February 9

5a-2 fr eggs, 2.5 sl bacon, 2 sl GF toast, sl egg bake, c reg, supps
630a-2 sl cinnamon swirl eggy bread, almond milk latte
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-salad w/ hb egg, oz flavored almonds, protein treat*, 4 GF choco donut holes, 2c decaf, supps
12p-personal training
130p-BLT sandwich, 1/3c grapes, 1/3c bread & butter pickle slices, bag micro pork rinds, 2oz cashews, 2c decaf, .25c almond milk, supps
330p-2c diet A&W
530p-2oz cashews, 2c diet A&W
645p-.5oz butter toffee almonds
715p-2c red tea, supps

*We had a team treat for collecting >50 lbs for the protein drive - and I didn't make them!
Recipe & notes from coworker:
-2 scoops cocoa whey protein powder (or vanilla whey + 2 T cocoa powder)
-2 tablespoons flax seed
-2 cups crunchy peanut butter
-2 mashed ripe bananas
Mix together and roll into balls and freeze. But they were too sticky to roll, so I refrigerated. I couldn’t wait long enough for the mixture to get firm so I put them in the mini-cupcakes liners and then froze. Still sticky!

My tip: the texture is a bit thinner than nut butter, so I'd modify with less banana, possibly less nut butter. Of course, I'd use crunchy Sunbutter rather than PB. And if they get to "ball-rolling" texture, I'd probably roll them in coconut flakes. But most importantly, I'd make a much smaller batch unless I'm sharing with others, because this entire recipe could go down the hatch with a spoon in about 3.4 minutes, EASILY.

-Tiny bit of lower left back pain (where the bad pain was) in eve. Not enough to be concerning, just want to note it. Got better once I started moving more.
-Just plain forgot pulls in eve, elbow was feeling fine.

Weight: 136.0 lbs, 20.3% fat - after breakfast, so again about even.

Sleep: 7 hours in bed. Took a bit longer than usual to fall asleep, up at 215 for b/r, woke several times w/ numb hands, woke naturally at 453, alarm set for 5. It's starting to catch up to me, feeling a bit mentally worn down, so I boosted calories some in the morning.

A victory: in this state, about 830am, I actually observed my thoughts going from

"I'm tired. I don't want to be here today. I don't want to go to the tax firm tonight. I want to train with Dustin, then take a nap, and not leave home until tomorrow."


"Well, that's not possible. I'm just going to be tired today, so I have to suck it up and find some energy before Dustin."


"So maybe I should eat more. What would be good? A Cocoa Loco bar [carbs] or Sunbutter & coconut flakes [fat] or another coffee [caffeine]?"

BUT THEN (here's the victory part)

"No, dammit, I don't need any of that. I already boosted breakfast calories. I need to drink my water, knock out something on my to-do list, and then BAM it'll be time for that salad (which is full of vitamins and minerals and nutrients) plus I can add some almonds & donut holes, and that'll give me plenty of energy in time for training. And then I get a nice big meal to recover from training, and after that, the tax firm will be fun. Just need to get my ass to work and I'll be fine."

And, for the most part, I was. Still a bit cranky due to work, but training fixed that as usual, and I had a nice big lunch and felt both physically & mentally boosted from it. Success!

Misc: Acne note: two small blemishes (not cysts) developed on chin yesterday. In looking back over the past few days, I had to go to Sunday to find something new, and that was rice grits. One ingredient: organic brown rice grits. Processed differently than the rice sources I've been tolerating, I guess, but less processed; however, Robb Wolf prefers white rice over brown (though still very sparingly) because most of the anti-nutrients have been removed through processing. So perhaps no more brown rice? I will have to test this again. I'm also still sitting on a container of cottage cheese to test. I so badly want to be able to eat CC again!


Have compassion for everyone you meet,
even if they don't want it. What seems conceit,
bad manners, or cynicism, is always a sign
of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen.
You do not know what wars are going on
down there where the spirit meets the bone.
-Miller Williams

I read this poem at breakfast, and it was like a soft hug and a sharp slap at the same time. I am one of those saps who always feels for the poor, the downtrodden, the struggling, the weak & helpless, and always wants to help - and feels guilty if I can't. Bleeding heart liberal, to a "t," right here. Compassion for others is an innate piece of who I am. I can forgive almost anything, except pure arrogance (hi, ex in-laws - this is why you will never be welcome in my life again).

As I thought about the above, how I am perhaps compassionate to a fault at times or with certain people, I realized am grateful that I lean toward that end of the spectrum - but I also felt a sharp slap as I reflected on my lack of compassion for myself.

I do know about my own internal wars. I know every fucking detail of every brutal battle and every painful scar - and yet my innate tendency is to cut myself zero slack.


Aren't I Wonder Woman, after all?

Shouldn't I be capable of accomplishing every single thing I attempt?

Shouldn't I be perfect?

Fortunately, I am recognizing this flawed line of thinking more and more often, and I'm working on it. Is everyone this hard on themselves?

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