Tuesday, January 10

5a-2 fr eggs, 2 sl bacon, 2 potato pancakes, c asparagus, T balsamic, c reg, supps
6a-c reg, .5c almond milk, T SF syrup
7a-2c reg
830a-2c chai tea (thanks, Joy!)
930a-3oz chuck roast, 2c roasted veg, med apple, T Sunbutter, supps
(noon personal training...and I didn't want to come back to work at all!)
130p-pint Arctic Zero, c acorn squash
3p-oz almonds, 2T Sunbutter, T coconut flakes (sumbitch, I forgot to bring my tuna!)
6p-2 fr eggs, 3 sl bacon, 2 potato pancakes, c roasted eggplant, reds supp ice cream, supps
7p-6oz Paleonola (all gone now, thankfully)

Weight: 136.0 lbs, 17.7% body fat - my digestive system is still 8 shades of fucked-up, hence asparagus at breakfast and massive water intake in attempt to reset. It would seem pretty obvious that my body does not tolerate mental stress well at all.

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, slept like ass. Up at 3 for b/r, wide awake for ~45min. Seriously debated just getting up and staying up. Ugh. Alarm woke me at 445, and I snoozed - I never snooze! The night left me feeling half rotten.

Work: Oh so happy to be here at 645am again! More massive stress as I was asked stupid useless nitpicking questions that made me want to tear out my hair, or perhaps throat-punch the asker. But complain about the job though I may, I'd rather have it than not; hence I internalize mountains of frustration that I can't figure out how to release.

And part of the issue is something I complained about back when Lisa was on leave: lack of appreciation. It's really important to me that I show gratitude & appreciation for others: I love making the effort to do little things like gift a coffee token, write a note of thanks, etc; I don't do them with the expectation of getting a gift in return, but Jesus Aitch Christ, when I'm stressed out of my mind and on my 60th hour of year-end close at noon on day 6, with nary a "Thank you"? The rest of the world seems like a bunch of ungrateful fuckheads in comparison.

However, we did get year-end turned in, and in record fucking time - and I got to leave by 515pm. Only a 9-hour day, holy crap!!

Misc: Some good things did happen today, it wasn't all gray clouds and fists of rage. I emailed three friends last night about getting together sometime in the next month. They all replied back, so I'm making social dates during tax season despite the stupid work hours. This is the kind of thing I need to keep doing even when I just want to hermit it up on the couch with Clyde & Oscar. Joy & I shared some delightful emails complaining about our mutual stupid body failures. Her lower back is revolting, and boy can I relate to that. I'm hoping I was able to give her a boost in return for all the times she's boosted me. And my beloved girl Amy sent me two excellent emails in reply to my stress complaints, so good I have to share:
  • First, she told me to focus on Boston, picture crossing the finish line. Which is pretty cool, given I have this goosebump-causing picture in my Word vision board:

I'll be seeing this beautiful baby IN PERSON in just 97 days. Eep!

It's an excellent focal point to put the mental train back on the right track.

  • Second, she made me laugh out loud. I had told her, "The combination of year-end-close and a certain lead's OCD-at-year-end is going to drive me to start drinking again. Probably during work hours. Please figure out how to keep this from getting me fired." And her reply was fantastic:
Couple of tips that you need to keep in mind:
  • Always shut your door when partaking in cocktails.
  • Solid colored containers are your friend. Flasks are too obvious though...
  • NEVER EVER EVER offer [lead] a drink, even when you think she needs one!
  • Avoid the phrases, “Take this job and shove it.” “Look here, missy. I don’t give a damn. Do it yourself.” “You have OCD, don’t you?”
  • Do not leave the OCD pamphlet on her desk or sign her up for any related email blasts.
  • And as a last resort: “What? This? I’m doing some quality control for Product Development.”
I hope, for your sake, that you have friends who are as fantastically awesome as mine are.


Quote of the day:

The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. - CS Lewis

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