Thursday, January 12

5a-2 fr eggs, 4 chick saus, 2 potato pancakes, c reg, c decaf, supps
630a-almond milk latte
8a-2c reg
945a-3oz beef, c acorn squash, handful almonds, 2c decaf, supps
(noon personal training)
1p-banana
2p-3.5oz tilapia w/ onions, 2c roasted vegetables, PB2 & apple butter sandwich, supps
3p-2c reg
630p-12oz jerky
830p-supps, reds shake w/ frozen mango as sweetener

Holy shit victory: I ate a handful of almonds without counting 24 out to be sure there was just one serving. Not impressed? It's probably the first time in 4.5 years that I haven't counted!

Holy shit failure: I ate an entire 12-oz bag of jerky. That's supposed to be FOUR servings! Debated eating supper at all. Normal plan: fast while at the tax firm. Powerlifting plan: no fasting, just keep the body as happy as possible all week long. Well, four servings of jerky may have made the brain happy, but my guts were decidedly not.

WG DL pulls, am: 3, 3
WG DL slow-as-molasses pulls, pm: 1, 1

Weight: 134.2 lbs, 20.0% body fat - down 2 lbs from yesterday, as digestion is beginning to get back on track. Choo choo!

Sleep: In bed 7.5 hours. Slept quite well, no bathroom break for once. Woke at 4, fell back asleep, woke naturally at 445 - had alarm set for 545 but just got up since I felt rested, such a good feeling. Right pinky was 100% numb from laying on my elbow; that was rather freaky.

Work: I take back yesterday's "Our team is terrible at appreciation" bitching. Today we got treats complete with BALLOONS! They say "Thanks a buzzillion" and "Another year of fabulous" and there were massive donuts and a fruit tray and bananas. Job well done.

Afternoon/eve at the tax firm. That place is good for my brain, at least this early in the season: lovely people and fun work. Yes, I just called tax prep fun!

Misc: Some early morning frustration as I killed time at home so I'd get to Alex at 7 to pick up my Ploughshare delivery on the way to work. At 705, it wasn't there yet. So I went past TS, filled up the car (was on E), then all the way back to get the veggies, now it's 730. Still no veggies! Two days ago, I'd have been screaming mad and damn near purple with frustration at wasting a half hour. Today, just a little annoyed, only a few swear words. Quite a turnaround when I'm not humming along at always-ready-to-throat-punch-a-fool stress levels.

This morning I listened to a Robb Wolf podcast in which he talked about minor measurement details (calories, macros, etc) being a whole lot of wasted time when the big rocks aren't in line. That there was my whole entire problem in 2011. My big rocks (stress & sleep) were a fucking mess; no matter how carefully I tallied every calorie I ate, it didn't make a damn bit of difference. In fact, it made it worse, as I repeatedly berated myself for my "failures." In the past 12 days of NOT counting, my brain is doing so much better: I've had a couple days where I overate thanks to stress, but I no longer have the numbers constantly staring me in the face, reminding me that I failed, I failed, I failed. I actually hadn't even thought about those two days again until I reflected back this morning. That's another massive fucking victory for this chica.

Joy & I chatted some this morning about concerns & angst we had dug ourselves into earlier in the week, in regards to Saturday's powerlifting meet. But we've both basically come around to not fretting about the meet anymore. It will be whatever it is (I predict: fun!!). For me, the most important benefits of this meet have already happened:
  • I got a hell of a lot stronger.
  • I made some real body comp progress - probably nothing visible to others, but I can feel solid fucking steel under a thinner layer of fluff, particularly in my abs & glutes - seriously, come feel my obliques!
  • I've also been admiring my forearms. A lot. They aren't freakish, but the definition is getting impressive.
  • I stopped with the constant, steady, low-level stream of belly-fat hate; negative, painful thoughts which had been an adult-life-long thing. I simply don't have words to describe how significant this change has been.
  • As I wrote about last week, I experienced this infinitely overwhelming realization: I would rather have my strong, powerful body, extra fat and all, than be a skinny, weak little wisp of a woman.  Again, this accountant can not find proper words to fully convey what that change means.
  • I've enjoyed having such a solid focus for my lifting addiction. Constant PRs are so. much. fun.
    • Note to self: that will end soon. Peaks & valleys begin too damn quickly after that initial linear progression.
  • I've absolutely loved telling people that I'm training for a powerlifting meet. Brings a whole new aspect to their impression of me as just a runner. Pretty soon I can just say "I'm a powerlifter." How fucking cool does that sound?!
  • A deepened friendship with Joy, who's become one of my besties.

Momentous benefits. Even if I were to somehow fail on every lift on Saturday, wake up deathly sick & unable to go, whatever - any one of the above benefits alone would cancel out such failure.

But put all of them together? I'm an incredibly happy woman. Thank you, NSS.

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