830a-basement lifting session
1030a-snack bar, pepita clusters w/ yacon syrup, freeze-dried blueberries w/ a few sliced almonds in almond milk (holy granola-texture-like perfection), almond milk latte, supps
130p(restaurant)-2 fr eggs, sl ham, hash browns, 2c reg
315p-few strips bacon jerky
320p-8 great miles
during run-2s Ultima
445p-oz cocoa almonds, oz cinnamon almonds, few strips bacon jerky
515p-2oz butter toffee almonds
7p-Dreamsicle protein shake, supps, c senna tea, last few strips bacon jerky
Too many nuts! I stocked up on flavored almonds, and hot damn, each kind is seriously delicious. Portion control will be the challenge for this addict. I plan to leave them at work, where my snacking is typically pretty well-managed.
WG DL pulls, am: 4x2 (then lifted)
WG DL pulls, pm: 5
Weight: 137.8 lbs, 23.7% fat - forgot to weigh in until after breakfast.
Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed; slept well, woke a couple times but didn't get up. Woke naturally without alarm, yeah!
Misc: Since I couldn't line up a running partner for the chilly morning, I decided to wait until the nicer afternoon temps. Then I heard the calling for a morning barbell lovefest, so I decided on a 2-a-day! Lightweight lifting in the morning, lunch w/ friends, trip to WalMart while food settled, then a run circling almost all of Sauk Centre: 8 miles. While planning it, I felt excited, not intimidated! And it couldn't have gone much better, except for the knee pain at the end. Finally I truly felt the "flow" again.
Yesterday's blog post by Marsha of Strong Is the New Skinny hit home for me. She wrote about being an "ex-fat girl" and how that label has lowered her expectations of herself in some ways: "...as I keep thinking of myself as an ex-fat girl...it gives me an excuse to settle...because ANYTHING is better than where I was right?"
I feel like I often used this kind of thinking to justify my weight gain over the past year: I'm still fitter and FAR stronger than I was two years ago, so what's a little extra fat added back on? No big deal. And really, it's not a big deal, I haven't ballooned up or anything, but the weight I've gained does bother me. Being heavier affects my running, my pullups, my body image; and for a while it made me very, very disappointed in myself. I've eased past that disappointment, for the most part, understanding why it happened and forgiving myself for it.
What's frustrating is that I'd like to be able to focus on dropping some fat now - but it's Boston-and-tax season which makes fat loss damn near impossible. I have to focus on eating for performance, hence the odds are I'll tack on a little more fat before April 16th, not drop any. That's hard to face.
This one is hugely powerful for me, always having such black-and-white, pass-or-fail standards for myself...
I will tell you that there have been no failures in my life.
I don't want to sound like some metaphysical queen, but there have been no failures.
There have been some tremendous lessons.