Monday, January 2

6a-2 fr eggs, chick saus, sl protein bread, c reg, Met, fish oil, multi, calcium, CLA, ALC, Tyrosine
645a-c reg
8a-2c decaf, protein pancake
930a-oz Paleonola
(50-min metcon workout)
1130a-can Zevia
1p-chicken wing, sauce, pint Arctic Zero, T Sunbutter w/ coconut flakes, 3c tea, fish oil, multi, calcium, CLA, ALC
2p-3c tea
4p-cauliflower, 5 ch tomatoes, 3T hummus, can Zevia, 3c tea
5p-3c tea
6p-3oz chicken, c cooked cabbage in honey mustard sauce, Met, reds, yeast, fish oil, multi, calcium, CLA, ALC, Carnosine
9p-5HTP

Weight: 132.2 lbs, 23.0% fat

WG DL pulls, am: 5-4-4-4 - slightly sore in right front delt but not while pulling so I kept doing them. Also, right hip flexor a bit pinchy.

Was still a little bit in "holiday mode" and feeling snacky while doing cooking/baking/salad assembly. And I found myself mentally tallying calories as I went, and I'm struggling right now not to run throught the whole day and estimate - but I imagine it will take a while before that ingrained habit fades out.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed. Up at 3 for b/r. Woke naturally 545, felt good & rested.

---

I had a massive self-image breakthrough: I was watching The Runaways while cooking (super skinny heroin-chic actresses portraying 16yo female rockstars in 70s [Joan Jett, Lita Ford, Cherie Currie, etc]).

At this scene I thought, like most women probably did, “Holy shit she’s skinny!”


For the first 32-ish years of my life, my instant next thought would have been, like most women, “I wish I were that skinny.”

In the last year or so, upon true consideration/second thought I’d probably decide that no, I don’t wish I were that skinny - but I’d have had to bring my logic into it, really think about it first. My gut would still be up for a body swap.

But yesterday, without second thoughts or logic, my instant next thought was, “And weak as hell, I’ll bet.”

And that is why I lift and run and love it and do it as much as I can. It's not about what I LOOK like, but about what I FEEL like. It's about finally, finally, FINALLY being pretty damn happy with my body because I'm so delighted in the things it can do, which has only happened since strength became my top focus. For that shift, I can thank Steve & his powerlifting competition, and my powerbuddy Joy.

It felt (and still feels) like a religious conversion, winning the lottery - that kind of life-changing, massively impactful, surreal moment of 180-degree change.

I am literally tearing up as I type this: I would rather have my strong, powerful body, extra fat and all, than be a skinny, weak little wisp of a woman.

This is why Dustin's got my unending devotion, and I thank him from the bottom of my strong, powerful heart.

No comments:

Post a Comment