Tuesday, January 31

515a-2 fr eggs, 4 chick saus, 2 sl GF toast, c reg, supps
630a-almond milk latte
730a-2c reg
930a-2 sl egg bake, 2 sl country-style sausage, med banana, oz flavored almonds, 2c decaf (forgot supps at home)
12p-personal training
145p-BLT sandwich* (bacon, spinach, tomato, tomato & Vidalia onion dressing, GF toast), rest of tomato dipped into T honey mustard, 4oz mixed nuts, sm banana, 2T Sunbutter, c decaf, supps**
215p-c decaf
3p-can diet cherry Pepsi (NOM)
5p-2c wild berry decaf tea
630p-2c wild berry decaf tea
830p-3oz mixed nuts, supps

*For some reason, I haven't eaten a BLT since I cut out wheat. I don't know why not, because I've said a million times that gluten-free bread is only good as toast, and that's exactly how I like my BLTs! Foolishness. Anyway, it was perfection and happiness and the sun shone and the angels sang. You can bet my sweet ass I'll not be forgetting I can eat these!
**Yeah, went a little wild at lunch/meal 3. Justified it with the following, repeated many times throughout the evening: I AM NOT EATING AT THE TAX FIRM. Instead: water, water, water; and tea, tea, tea...and I succeeded! But then at home I ate fistfuls of mixed nuts. GAH.

-Had tight calves first thing (yesterday's run in Vibrams), but fine once moving; slightly unhappy back while sleeping. Back also a bit cranky at tax firm. At a different desk than normal, bad posture; fixing myself helped some; getting up regularly helped more.
-Mixed-grip WG pulls, am: 4x2
-Mixed-grip WG pulls, pm: 3x4

Weight: 135.6 lbs, 20.7% fat - looking about normal again. Besides immense forearm satisfaction, I'm also admiring my calves. Happy to feel good about my body!

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed. Woke at 145 for bathroom, wide awake, took a while to fall back. Needed alarm at 5a again. Feeling a little cranky so I spent almost a half hour on the interwebz, reading some fun stuff rather than getting to work at 630. Made me much happier and I left the house in a pretty good mood.

Misc: Last day of January. I have just 72 more days left of tax season . . . and the Boston Marathon is just 76 days away. WHOA-LEE SHIT.

January tax hours: only 60.6. Slacker!

Wearing a whole new outfit from my lovelies at Ureshii so that is giving me a boost, because it (a) looks damn good, and (b) feels like spring. As does the freaking weather!

And, randomly, this was posted on my Facebook wall TWICE today:

I've seen it before, but I'll say it every time: that beats real roses in my world!

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.
-Liane Cardes

Monday, January 30

5a-c reg, supps
6a-c reg
630a-BCAAs, no-equipment class
730a-.75s BCAAs, 2c reg
930a-2c decaf w/ flavor drops
1030a-can Zevia, supps
12p-3.45m run (some walking, for Lisa) (in Vibrams!)
130p-4oz flavored almonds, s pepita cluster, 2T Sunbutter
6p-sl egg bake, s bay scallops, dreamsicle protein shake, supps

Half-fasting. Usually not tough to do on Mondays. Going to do some experimenting with fasting, skipping meals here and there on my "calorie-burning days," when performance is not too important. See if that will give me some fat loss without affecting Boston training.

I was quite snacky post-run, and intended to stretch it out longer, make it to 3, but couldn't. Oh well, it was all fat & protein, and calories were plenty wild for "one meal" but not for the day, so it works for me! Rest of the afternoon I hammered water and at supper I went pure protein.

-Left knee pain is back, wtf! My guess is inflammation due to running. Otherwise all feels pretty good. Lateral right knee did NOT hurt on noon run.
-WG DL pulls, am: 5x3
-WG DL pulls, pm: 4x2

Weight: 136.4, 22.1% fat - approaching normal. Saw some new definition in my lower arms this morning. Perhaps not new, but new to me! Very motivating.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, woke once or twice, didn't need to get up. Did need alarm, yuck.

I got extremely tired at 730p (maybe due to two workouts and low calories?) so I jumped in the shower and was in bed by 830. Yes, I live like a rockstar.

Misc: Born to Run tidbit/perspective - Dustin & I finished the 50k (31 miles, in perfect cool temps) in 7 hours, 5 minutes. Anne Trason's first 50-mile trail race, in 108F (!!!) took her 7 hours, 9 minutes. Holy shit! This is the course profile:

I repeat: HOLY SHIT!


The best exercise to get rid of belly fat is called "Put The Fork Down and Walk Away". The movement is performed by stopping your food intake after a certain point, putting your fork down, and walking away from the kitchen. It's a pretty tough exercise that takes some practice to get right, but after a little time and determination you get the hang of it.

-Christine Beauchamp

Sunday, January 29

630a-fr egg, 4 chick saus, 2 sl GF toast, c reg, supps, 2oz mixed nuts, mini Larabar
7a-c reg
830a-basement lifting session 
1030a-snack bar, pepita clusters w/ yacon syrup, freeze-dried blueberries w/ a few sliced almonds in almond milk (holy granola-texture-like perfection), almond milk latte, supps
130p(restaurant)-2 fr eggs, sl ham, hash browns, 2c reg
315p-few strips bacon jerky
320p-8 great miles
during run-2s Ultima
445p-oz cocoa almonds, oz cinnamon almonds, few strips bacon jerky
515p-2oz butter toffee almonds
7p-Dreamsicle protein shake, supps, c senna tea, last few strips bacon jerky

Too many nuts! I stocked up on flavored almonds, and hot damn, each kind is seriously delicious. Portion control will be the challenge for this addict. I plan to leave them at work, where my snacking is typically pretty well-managed.

WG DL pulls, am: 4x2 (then lifted)
WG DL pulls, pm: 5

Weight: 137.8 lbs, 23.7% fat - forgot to weigh in until after breakfast.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed; slept well, woke a couple times but didn't get up. Woke naturally without alarm, yeah!

Misc: Since I couldn't line up a running partner for the chilly morning, I decided to wait until the nicer afternoon temps. Then I heard the calling for a morning barbell lovefest, so I decided on a 2-a-day! Lightweight lifting in the morning, lunch w/ friends, trip to WalMart while food settled, then a run circling almost all of Sauk Centre: 8 miles. While planning it, I felt excited, not intimidated! And it couldn't have gone much better, except for the knee pain at the end. Finally I truly felt the "flow" again.

 Yesterday's blog post by Marsha of Strong Is the New Skinny hit home for me. She wrote about being an "ex-fat girl" and how that label has lowered her expectations of herself in some ways: "...as I keep thinking of myself as an ex-fat girl...it gives me an excuse to settle...because ANYTHING is better than where I was right?"

I feel like I often used this kind of thinking to justify my weight gain over the past year: I'm still fitter and FAR stronger than I was two years ago, so what's a little extra fat added back on? No big deal. And really, it's not a big deal, I haven't ballooned up or anything, but the weight I've gained does bother me. Being heavier affects my running, my pullups, my body image; and for a while it made me very, very disappointed in myself. I've eased past that disappointment, for the most part, understanding why it happened and forgiving myself for it.

What's frustrating is that I'd like to be able to focus on dropping some fat now - but it's Boston-and-tax season which makes fat loss damn near impossible. I have to focus on eating for performance, hence the odds are I'll tack on a little more fat before April 16th, not drop any. That's hard to face.


This one is hugely powerful for me, always having such black-and-white, pass-or-fail standards for myself...

I will tell you that there have been no failures in my life.
I don't want to sound like some metaphysical queen, but there have been no failures.
There have been some tremendous lessons.
-Oprah Winfrey

Saturday, January 28

530a-c reg, supps
7a-almond milk latte
730a-c reg w/ flavor drops
11a-1.5c raspberry herbal tea
12p-2c raspberry herbal tea
3p-oz butter toffee almonds, 2c raspberry herbal tea
630p-2oz cashews
715p-oz mixed nuts, GF spaghetti w/ country style sausage, 2 sl GF bread, pint Arctic Zero, supps

Fasting. First time I felt hungry was 930am; lasted until 10 or so, then back to feeling nothing. At 3p, I was hungry, chilled, tired and snacky - couldn't resist those fucking almonds. And then I was hungry all over again at 430p. GAH. This time I didn't eat, wasn't so snacky-feeling, though I was feeling tired. Followed the plan to eat whatever I wanted for supper - far too many nuts, but I was feeling content & satisfied.

-Right bicep now just tight; right hand is sore. All else is feeling good.
-WG DL pulls, AM: 4 (forgot until just before I left, bicep not more painful doing them)
-WG DL pulls, PM: 3 (just forgot again)

Weight: 137.4 lbs, 20.7% body fat - up 2.2 lbs from yesterday...I think we can safely blame that on 3 plates of ribs!

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed. Hop came home at 230a, and I was wide awake (hot, sweaty, gross - typical with a giant supper), hit bathroom. Took a while to fall back. Had set alarm for 5, should've just left it off because that made me a bit cranky. Dozed a bit and then got up, feeling decent.

Misc: Started listening to Born to Run last night, and even though I've read it twice, it's addicting all over again! At tax firm, sat at desk all day, no standing. Hoping that contributes to another solid run on Sunday.

Amusing text exchange w/ Hop this morning:
Me: What's on grocery list on fridge? Eggs, GF bread, can't remember what else...
Hop: Bacon.
Me: Thanks.
Hop: How could you forget your favorite food?
Me: I know, I know! Must be overworked and need a vacation.
Hop: Or some bacon.


Read This: Precision Nutrition

Good stuff in this review:

Improve Body Image, Improve Your Body: How a better self-perception can actually make you leaner

Paradoxical as it sounds, new research shows that a better body image could actually help you lose more body weight. In other words, accepting your body as it is and spending less time thinking about it is the best way to live a leaner, healthier lifestyle.

Dig it: http://www.precisionnutrition.com/improve-your-body-image-improve-your-body

Friday, January 27

515a-2 fr eggs, 2 sl bacon, 2 chick saus, sl toast, c reg, supps
6a-almond milk latte, 2T Sunbutter
830a-6.26m run
945a-2 fr eggs, 3 sl bacon, sl egg bake, 2c reg ("What I said was, give me all the bacon & eggs you have.")
130p-salad, 2 turkey dogs w/ ketchup, brat w/ mustard, supps
545p-salad (iceberg, hb egg, tomatoes, peas, French dressing) and 3 plates o' ribs...plus a bone from Hop & one from my pop!
8p-Dreamsicle protein shake, supps

Interesting note about all those ribs: no bellyache. If I loaded up on carbs, I'd be feeling like 3-day-old roadkill right about now, and instead I'm just pleasantly full. And happy!

-Right bicep still sore, no pulls. Glutes & hams tight when I got up but loosened up all right. I did a more thorough pre-run warm-up than usual; felt fine running.

Weight: 135.2 lbs, 21.2% fat - back to normalcy.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, all solid. Woke a couple times but didn't need to get up, woke naturally at 5 feeling well-rested. Excellent.

Misc: Nice gift from my cats at 5am: last night I brought home the remaining wheat & soy-laden jerky for Hop, left it on the table. Clyde &/or Oscar decided it smelled heavenly and ate their way into the package. They sampled enough of it to prompt a digestive reversal right on the table, most likely from Clyde. Good morning, mama!

(cat tangent)
Makes you wonder about the owner/pet personality thing: Clyde is my baby, with a very sensitive tummy, super fucking needy, wants constant love & attention, always looking to be in my lap. Meanwhile, Oscar, the husky big brother, is tougher, willing to give neighbor dogs five across the eyes, acts half-puppy, and prefers Hop.
(/cat tangent) 

Worked from home until I went for my run, kept the brain occupied so as not to freak out at all, and the weather just looked so awesome that I was excited to go. It definitely turned out to be a solid confidence-booster, and feels like it will be a turning point in my training.

Then I again worked from home, in pajamas, w/ a napping Clyde in my lap. (Very smart way for him to make up for the puke pile that started my day!) Worked longer than planned but wasn't stressful, got a lot done.

Then I enjoyed a massive amount of RIBS w/ Joy & kids and Heather and Hop and my parents.

Basically, it was about as perfect as a work day can get!

The easiest way to get what you want is to first remove what is holding you back.
-Martin Rooney

Thursday, January 26

5a-2 fr eggs, 4 chick saus, c acorn squash, c reg, supps
615a-c reg
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
845a-can Zevia
10a-chicken leg & thigh w/ roasted veg & peach brandy glaze, supps
12p-personal training
2p-salad w/ hb egg, PB2 on toast, yacon syrup on toast, supps
3p-bottle diet A&W (nommy chemical-laden indulgence)
4p-few pistachios, few butter toffee almonds, 3.25oz jerky (no wheat or soy!)
5p-.5oz butter toffee almonds (damn good/addicting, though almost too sweet), 2c decaf tea
6p-2c decaf tea
830p-Dreamsicle protein shake, mini-Larabar, supps

-Upper back, hams are sore. Right bicep rather sore a couple hours post-session, skipped eve pulls.
-I realized tonight that my left knee no longer gives a little spark of pain when I stand up with that leg only...I don't know when it stopped, but it's been a chronic thing for ages. Cool beans!

Weight: 136.6 lbs, 22.1% body fat - forgot to weigh in until after breakfast, so weight is back to normal with all systems working appropriately. Feeling like a brand new body (and brain).

Sleep: In bed 7.5 hours, slept well, woke a few times but didn't need to get up, and woke at 430 without alarm. Excellent.

Misc: Friday night is AYCE ribs at the Osakis VFW. Hop will be working on the racecar (2.5 weeks to FL!) and I was debating calling up the parents to beg for a date. BUT THEN: Heather said she'd come. Joy said she'd come with her kids. Amy might even come. YAY! A spontaneous social outing with my TS chicas, and on Sunday I have a social outing with my Sauk girls. Kick ass.

All the side-job babbling & debating has paid off! It's not a real huge time commitment, but I will have to figure out when I can fit it into my schedule. It'll be fun stuff, and I am excited to make it work out, but the key will be to find a time slot that makes it something to look forward to doing, rather than something that just feels like too much...well...work.

Part of the reason it's going to be doable: I am going to stand as firmly as possible on working 40 hours at TS. I've been keeping track for a while, and I typically average 44 hours a week. Why? WHY?! I feel pretty sure I could streamline some more things (and most importantly stop some of my usual procrastinating) and get my ass out of there in 40 hours without leaving shoddy work in my wake. It's possible, and damnit, I'm going to do it.

Tonight I discovered, from a tax firm coworker, a list of bestselling free Kindle ebooks on Amazon that is updated hourly. I did not know all these freebie existed! Subjects already nabbed: Paleo recipes, leadership, fiction. And I don't even have a Kindle, I downloaded the free computer app. Hooray for free stuff!

Keep a journal of your hopes, dreams, goals, and accomplishments. If your life is worth living, it's worth writing down.
-Stephen Covey

Brain Dump: Goals

This might look like I've gone off the rails, but I've reached a point in time where I need to do a brain dump and gather my thoughts in one place. Skip if it you're so inclined. I'll never know.

Every month I look at thes dream map that I made in a Live & Learn way back in October 07. Here are the bridges (goals) I had made then:
  • Relearn Spanish
    • Um, I bought Spanish for Dummies or something like that...it's on the coffee table...I don't remember even cracking it open.
  • Get my CMA
    • Done, 2009
  • Visit a new destination every year
    • This is happening on an every-other-year basis, roughly, I think, maybe. Haven't kept track.
  • Buy a house in the country
    • Still saving for it.
  • Adopt a dog
    • Yeah, we tried this with sweet little Buddy. Didn't work out with our tiny house and tiny non-fenced yard. And giant lack of patience.
  • Run a marathon
    • Done, of course!
  • Volunteer regularly
    • I've spent several years on the United Way & Relay for Life committees at TS, and recently the LAPW Philanthropic committee.

I've been thinking lately about updating the dream map, or really just getting some new goals down on paper, especially after reading all this Stephen Covey & assorted motivational stuff.

You know, I want to figure out what I should be when I grow up.

What might I remove?
  • Get my CMA - it's done!
  • Run a marathon - it's done!
  • Re-learn Spanish. I've been asking myself: WHY do I want to re-learn Spanish? Because it made me feel smart, and I feel a little dumber having lost it all. Really no other reason, though maybe it would be an advantageous job skill some day. But how much time am I inclined to invest in it? Clearly 4+ years later I'm still not jonesing to get to that book. But perhaps I could use this fancy-schmancy iPod to get an audio version. Or maybe I just shelve it and let it go. Can't decide.

What might I add?
  • Fitness stuff
    • I love to lift & love to run, and I have so many running/lifting goals that Dustin has to pull on the reins quite often - something like "Achieve fitness goals" would encompass the 8 dozen sub-goals
    • I love reading about nutrition, hormones, etc, but I am not sure whether there is a goal in here. "Keep learning" could be a sub-goal. "Create a healthy relationship with food" might be big enough to be a stand-alone goal.
  • Develop some leadership skills. I've been told at TS that "they" consider me potential leadership material. The very idea scares the crap out of me: I think I'd be terrible at it. But maybe not. Maybe they see something in me that is not terrible. So maybe I should work on the skills I feel like I'm totally lacking and then decide whether it's terrifying.
  • Side jobs. I could seek out more QuickBooks, Excel, etc, work to start moving toward the "someday" plan of doing that full-time.
    • But I really do love working at TS and honestly can't picture leaving in the foreseeable future.
    • On the other hand, even if "someday" is 15 years away, would it hurt to start gathering more experience now?
    • On the other hand (three hands!), the economy sucks and DSAs as a whole are tanking and who knows, TS could tank, and then wouldn't it be great to have this side business half-started?

What might I change?
  • New destination every year. How about just "Vacation every year"? I went almost nowhere in 2011 (other than a few long weekends: Fargo for the marathon, Cedar Lake, Duluth Train & Stay in October, Fargo over Thanksgiving) and I daresay it was reflected in my state of mind. An exciting new locale isn't that important compared to just getting away, off-schedule, and relaxing.
  • Buy a house in the country AND adopt a dog. Make it two in one!
  • Volunteer regularly...what if I got specific here and really concentrated on something like Girls on the Run?
    • Running has impacted my own self-esteem & confidence so much that my sole regret is that I didn't start earlier. I can only imagine what kind of impact it would've had on me if I had taken up running as a kiddo. To my knowledge nothing like this exists locally. I don't really know how I'd pursue the idea; I do know that an official local GOTR chapter isn't worth doing, as it's an unbelivable $7500 fee to start it up, and no, I am not missing a decimal in there. Maybe through the Y or school or community ed or something?
    • But...it would be a lot of work, and I'm no expert in non-profits or working with kids or even teaching others to run.
    • But...I would love love love to be involved in something like this.

Most importantly: Do any of the goals conflict with each other?

Uh, yes.

How many hours are there in a day? Not enough to do all of this. I know that I have more enthusiasm than energy, and I can't go down all of these roads at the same time.

I am pretty darn sure it's not possible to work a FT job, a side job, a tax-season side job, seek out new job skills, train for marathons, train like a powerlifter (wait, have I earned the right to say train "as" a powerlifter?), learn another language, volunteer a bunch, and get enough sleep and relaxing downtime (oh HAI, friends, family, husband! we've got 3.72 minutes to catch up. GO!) and still stay sane. If I try to do it all, something will give...and, knowing me, that's going to be my sanity.

It's difficult to admit, but I cannot actually be Wonder Woman.

So, I need to figure out a focus area for the immediate future...and put the rest of the ideas on the back burner. I don't have to throw them out entirely; I can keep them in mind be open to opportunities that develop, but there's simply no way to have all of them on full boil at once.

But I honestly don't know what to focus on.

And I probably shouldn't worry about any of it until tax/Boston season ends. (81 days!!!)

However, I have a historical tendency to think I'll get going on something once tax season ends...but once it does I have zero drive/motivation and I just want to be and relax and then pretty soon it's December and I've done nothing I wanted to do. Rinse and repeat, year after year.

If you've got feedback, advice, any opinion whatsoever, do share - I'd love to have a knowledge bomb or two dropped on my curly head. Maybe one of my beloved friends reading this has insight into me that I'm simply too close to see.

Also, did I just write up a super long post with no swearing?

Holy shit, I did!



Wednesday, January 25

445a-2 fr eggs, 4 chick saus, c reg, supps
6a-almond milk latte
630a-equipment mania class
730a-2c senna tea, can Zevia
8a-2c reg
10a-salad w/ hb egg, 2c decaf, supps
12p-c reg, salad w/ Italian dressing, c cooked baby carrots (LAPW meeting)*
2p-2T Sunbutter, 2c decaf tea**
430p-2T Sunbutter, 2T coconut flakes, supps
530p-yoga class
7p-pork tenderloin, c cabbage w/ mustard, Dreamiscle protein shake, supps

*today's was a sadface menu, as I had to bypass: dinner rolls, wild rice, chicken cordon bleu, and as always, 4 kinds of dessert
**senna tea kicked in and again made me feel awful

-WG strict-DL pulls: 4x3
-Sore hams!

Weight: 138.2 lbs, 19.9% body fat - digestion had again shut down.

Clearly I should not have eaten last night's jerky with wheat & soy both. I'm getting more and more sensitive to this junk since I've completely removed it. Probably a sign that keeping it out is the right choice for more than just acne, but sheesh, when I can't even have this little bit that's in jerky, I can obviously never expect to have a slice of REAL BREAD again. Sadness.

Luckily, I've learned that senna tea is some powerful stuff. Plus I bought the chocolate-flavored version, which is actually quite tasty. However, it is perhaps a bit more powerful than necessary. If you try it, drink half a cup and toss the rest...better to underdo it a bit, trust me on this one.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, slept soundly - woke a few times but did not get up. Nice!!

Misc: LAPW meeting trumped my noon run. Bummer, as I am actually wanting to run! On the other hand, while at the meeting I talked to several people about training for Boston, and that made me super-duper-extra motivated to run. A very nice turnaround.

Long run thoughts: perhaps I'll make Friday a medium run and Sunday a long run. For example, this Friday I could do 6-8, take my full rest day on Saturday, and then aim for 12-14 on Sunday. Losing a lifting session, sad though it may be, is a worthwhile trade-off for a confidence-building long run. But if the Friday run is enough to feel "long" and 12-14 sounds intimidating, then I could call it good and love up my squat rack.

Also, I won a door-prize drawing at the LAPW meeting: one-hour interior design consultation with Glenda. So not something I would use. Like, ever. I am perfectly content with our mix of college- & bachelor-chic. However, I immediately thought: this is something my mother would L.O.V.E. Hoping Glenda will be good with that option!


To be good is not enough when you dream of being great.

Tuesday, January 24

5a-2 fr eggs, 2.5 sl bacon, 2 sl GF toast, c reg, c decaf, supps
630a-3c senna tea
730a-2c reg
830a-2c decaf
930a-oz almonds, can Zevia, supps (low blood sugar prompted snack before meeting)
10a-salad, liver & onions w/ mustard, .5oz almonds
11a-2T Sunbutter
12p-personal training
130p-pizza omelet sandwich*, PB2 on toast, jalapeno jam on toast, c decaf, supps
230p-2c decaf w/ stevia
430p-2c decaf tea
630p-6oz teriyaki jerky, 2c decaf tea, supps
8p-protein shake (w/ Metamucil...orange Dreamsicle!)

*turkey pepperoni, daiya cheese, tomato sauce, & green olives, scrambled into 2 eggs, on GF toast = DELICIOUS experiment!

Planned to skip supper, but wasn't feeling it despite higher calories mid-day & indulging PWO. Oh, well.

Weight: 136.8 lbs, 20.2% body fat - digestion began to get back on track this morning. Unfortunately it seems I overdid it with the remedies & swung too far into the opposite direction; pretty sure I was down another 2-3 lbs by mid-day. And I felt rather awful & depleted, hence the 11a Sunbutter to add some sodium to help re-balance electrolytes. Felt like a new person within a half hour.

Sleep: In bed 7.5 hours. Up at 1230 for b/r, woke at 4, fell back, up naturally at 445. Feeling quite a bit better than yesterday.

Misc: TS: busy but not stressful. Taxy Tuesday: busy, but pleasantly so. I feel very productive there - love the sound of fingers flying on the calculator! Also, I left early, just before 7:30. Good for the brain.

Give yourself permission to be who you are.
-Stephen Covey

Read this: Leigh Peele

The reason I post my daily weight is to help keep perspective, not to obsess over it...the more one sees the swings up and down on a regular basis, the less import one places on that number.

Leigh Peele has a free download that provides specific reasons to ignore that number completely. Get it here: http://screwthescales.com/

Monday, January 23

5a-c reg, supps
530a-c reg
6a-c reg
620a-.5s BCAAs
630a-equipment-free class
8a-2c tea
10a-2c tea
4p-chicken wing & breast, roasted veg, banana, c decaf tea, supps
730p-salad (bell peppers, celery, jicama, cabbage, romaine, grape tomatoes, pepitas, sunflower seeds, balsamic), scallops, banana ice cream w/ vanilla protein & PB2 & slivered almonds, c senna tea, supps

Mostly fasted. Didn't feel like eating after yesterday's binge-fest, either mentally or physically. Interesting note: I was in a bit of "whatever" mode at supper & was thinking bacon & eggs & toast, but the salad (already prepared, which might be the key) looked so damn delicious that I wanted it over anything else. Cool!

Also: I reheated the already-cooked scallops in my bacon-greased cast-iron frying pan...YUMMY.

-WG pulls: 5x3
-Sore upper body by mid-morning, cut back on pulls.

Weight: 139.6 lbs, 20.7% body fat - holy high weight. Serious digestive angst over yesterday's overeating and possibly reacting to buckwheat and/or cashews. Feel hugely fat, visibly bloated & in a dress that felt far too small (boys, this is why girls must always try things on). Even my feet are fat! Lovely.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, up at 1215 for b/r but otherwise nice & solid.

Misc: Feeling rather spark-less. Weekend wasn't refreshing, work week does not excite me, Boston is currently more intimidating than exciting, physically fading, just feeling quite MEH about everything.

Didn't want to run at noon, wanted to just go home and nap. Swung back and forth between two conflicting thoughts:
(1) I should just go get an easy run in, it might feel good and boost me up out of this funk.
(2) This funk is not just mental, I am also tired, digestively fucked up, fasting, and running might make me feel even worse physically, which would for sure make me feel worse mentally.

Decided to indulge the body and hope it would help the brain: left at noon, swung by the Grain Bin for a FiberSmart refill, and went home to nap w/ my kitties, two hours. Felt better when I got up. Logged on and knocked out some work, just plain quit thinking about it - got lost in Excel!

Almost bought Born to Run audiobook last night, still might do so - something inspiring about running could turn the brain around (I have the book, but no time to sit down & read it). Might be good to listen to as I run. Boston is 12 weeks from today and I'm nowhere near where I planned to be at this point. If it wasn't ZOMG! BOSTON!, I would completely forgo the idea of a marathon on April 16. There is a solution, I just have to figure it out.

Long run timing options I'm thinking, in order of best to worst:
-Friday morning...still puts it at the end of 4 straight days of standing, but it's first thing rather than later on, and switch to a later start at TS rather than an early finish isn't a problem
-Sunday morning...better chance for someone to run with but typically a mental beatdown day during tax season, and no backup chance for bad weather
-Sunday afternoon...ditto but less likely for a partner
-Saturday lunch...could be a nice break from the tax firm, but means less income or working later
-Saturday morning group run...would be super nice to have other folks to run with, but the later start at the tax firm means less income or working later, plus I'd have to drive all the way to Alex

Admittedly, keeping hope alive and refusing to be topped does not always lead to victory. However, refusing to be a quick quitter is one of the surest ways to shift the odds of success heavily in your favor.
-Stephen Covey

Sunday, January 22

715a-2 fr eggs, 4 chick saus, c acorn squash, c reg, supps
1045-failed-form waffle (Sunbutter, banana, egg - works as a pancake though), 2 chick saus, Larabar, c decaf, supps
1130a-1/4c buckwheat groats w/ cinnamon, maple extract (test, think it would work as a texture sub for oats)
12p-easy/lightweight powerlifting session
230p-8oz bag sugar snap peas, oz cashews, 2oz brain food, c peppermint tea, supps
5p-2oz brain food, liver & onions, Larabar
630p-slice egg bake, peppermint tea protein shake, supps

-WG pullups (not DL), am: 6x3
-WG pullups (not DL), pm: 5x2

Weight: 136.4 lbs, 19.3% body fat

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed and did NOT wake up at 3! I woke at 5, fell back until 7. Blissful.

Misc: Morning on computer, paying bills, figuring out how to spend less. On feet couple hours, chores & food-making. Loaded up on carbs in morning, but ultimately I just plain didn't feel like running. Icy roads, snow, wind, not physically awesome thus no confidence long would go well - and without that mental oomph, I knew it was pointless to attempt. I did feel like I could lift and enjoy it, so I hit the basement instead. 'Twas a good choice. Still, brain was dumpy, snacky all damn day led to overeating while I was making weekday food, and I felt truly awful in the eve.

Weekend food prep:
-breakfast chicken sausage
-slow cooker beef roast w/ dandelion greens, Swiss chard, summer squash
-bay scallops
-liver & onions
-egg bake


Before we can care for others, we must learn to love the self. Without self-acceptance, we're like empty vessels always seeking to be filled from another's cup. Even when we do good, there will be a hidden agenda based more on getting than on giving - "see how good I am, think well of me, love me please." Yet no approval seems quite enough to fill the cup. It's always leaking from a hole in the center. Healthy self-regard plugs that hole and fills us from within. 
-Drew Leder

Saturday, January 21

615a-c reg, supps
7a-almond milk latte
915a-2c reg
1030a-2c pumpkin spice tea, supps
2p-3oz jerky, oz cashews, 2c tea, supps
530p-oz smoked almonds
7p-pizza (GF crust, turkey pepperoni, daiya "cheese," green olives, tomato sauce), pint Arctic Zero, supps
8p-Met Effect hot cocoa, Sunbutter bar

Planned a fast-until-supper day. John Romaniello recently wrote about various fasting protocols, and said he regularly does his version (called Feast/Fast) as an all-day fast after an all-out cheat day. This is sort of what I'm doing here, combined with Eat-Stop-Eat's 24-hour fast. So: a giant Friday night meal, then fasting until supper Saturday.

At least, that was the theory. I ended up standing all day at the tax firm, so I ate a meal early, at 2. (And discovered my jerky has WHEAT. Gah.)

Is fasting a stupid thing to do the day before a long run? It's not calorie restriction, because I had a full rack of ribs Friday night - nearly a full day of calories right there. Is it stressful on the body to fast, as Whole9 says? Or good for the body, as the entire IF crowd says? Fuck if I know. But it fits my life. A super indulgent splurge meal, followed by fasting, is better on my brain than no splurge meal - and it's even better than a splurge followed by a return to normal eating, because I'm a freak like that. The question that really matters, though, is whether it's better on my body.

-Upper body still very sore, no am or pm pulls. Calves & Achilles pretty tight.

Weight: 135.6 lbs, 22.7% body fat - yesterday a 2lb drop, today a 2lb increase. Meh.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed. Still woke at 315am, this time hot/sweaty/gross. I would blame that on the massive supper. Curious, though, why it's always 3-330am. Maybe has to do with cats moving at that time?

Misc: Taxurday. Used stand-up desk all day. Found myself leaning forward a lot more than at TS, could feel it in my lower back that I wasn't paying attention/correcting well enough, but it was muscular, not disc issue. Also, Jesus Aitch Christ: I worked 730am-615pm, no breaks except when I popped into other offices for questions & immediately sat! Maybe an hour of that was on my ass. Felt it in my knees & feet & brain, and crashed pretty hard on the couch at home. We watched The Incredible Hulk and part of Jackass 3.5. (Yeah, I have many of the same tastes as a 15-year boy. What of it?)

Also, popped in to see my mom after work. She was staying overnight at a retreat house with 5 other women (one of whom was my 2nd grade teacher, another of whom was my Sunday school teacher! Ah, small towns.), where they spend their weekend crafting: quilting, purse-making, embroidering, etc. I walked out with three main thoughts: (1) it's pretty damn uplifting to be introduced as, "This is my beautiful daughter" and be prompted to share tomorrow's run plan and last Saturday's meet results; (2) those women were busting out the wine and planning to go out for drinks later on, living more largely than me, the one who's 20-30 years younger; and (3) what the hell will me and my friends be doing at a retreat getaway when we're that age? I sure as fuck don't expect to be running a sewing machine! Maybe our retreats will be up in the hills and we'll be hiking and exploring and having log-throwing contests.

Acne: Weekend breakouts are disappearing, but new ones arrived yesterday. Now that I see my jerky has wheat, perhaps Thursday night's jerky was the cause? If so, holy SHIT I've gotten sensitive to it!


The most important words we'll ever utter are those words we say to ourselves, about ourselves, when we're by ourselves.
-Al Walker

Friday, January 20

615a-2 fr eggs, 3 chick saus, 2 sl bacon, 2 sl GF toast, c reg, supps
715a-almond milk latte
830a-2c reg
10a-8oz pork tenderloin, c steamed cabbage w/ honey mustard, pinch coconut flakes, can Diet Coke, supps
12p-2T Sunbutter, 2T coconut flakes, oz almonds, dash mulling spice
1230p-8.55m run (attempted 14)
245p-banana, 2T Sunbutter
315p-6oz chicken, 2T bbq sauce, Sunbutter bar, 2T apple butter
630p-salad w/ balsamic vinaigrette, full rack of ribs, roasted veg, sweet potato fries, 3c decaf
745p-protein shake, supps

Run failure made me want to eat eat eat. I nearly went for bread to clean out the jar of apple butter, but managed to remind myself that would only make me feel worse. Took a long hot bath instead. Still sad, tired, frustrated, disappointed, etc, but it got me away from Binge Cliff.

WG DL pulls, am: 5x4

WG DL pulls, pm: 2 - was very sore so I shut down

Weight:  133.8, 20.1% body fat - a 2lb drop from yesterday, and the lowest it's been in 10 days.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, up at 315 for b/r. Fully awake at 5, considered getting up, but managed to fall back & needed alarm at 6, bleah. Feeling pretty good, but I would pay cold hard cash for a straight 8 hours of sleep!

I dug into Metabolic Effect's sleep discussions (actually just posted a FB request to direct me to their videos/blog posts and they did within 45 minutes!) and to combat waking in the middle of the night, a result of dropping blood sugar levels, they recommend a small amount of protein before bed. My green/red shakes are almost entirely carbs. I am going to switch to protein shakes instead, see if that helps. And if not, then switch to no calories after 7pm.

So tonight's shake was vanilla protein & orange Metamucil which tasted like a freaking Dreamsicle; 'twas pure awesomeness. Forgot the thickening guar gum, though - will remedy that tomorrow. Granted, I probably didn't need more protein after the massive pile of ribs at supper (Lori: "You're planning to take half of that home, right?" Sabrina: "Nope.") but since Saturday = fast until supper, it was fine to indulge.

Run: I'm reconsidering the timing of this; Friday afternoon is never going to be ideal. End of week, mentally shot, 5 prior days of solid workouts (this week: poor sleep = poor recovery - which could happen every fucking week)...but I'm not sure how to solve it. Saturday mornings I could join that 6am Alex group run (group motivation!) but log fewer hours at the tax firm (costly trade off). Or I could run on Sunday mornings, which eliminates having a bad-weather backup day; trade-off there would be moving basement barbell action to Friday afternoon, or not at all. Hmm. Perhaps next weekend I'll attempt option 2.

Misc: Have started doing my first set of am pullups before weighing in. This way I don't approach the bar with any pre-conceived notion that higher weight = harder pulls, etc. I just think to myself "I ought to be able to hit 5 today" and I do.

The mental aspect of fitness is so amazing.

I had to remind myself of this as I procrastinated before heading out for my run. I decided the motto of the day was "Set fire to your old self" (from The Flinch), and I decided to ROCK THIS RUN'S FACE OFF. Yeah, obviously that attitude faded out. Fast.

speak quietly to yourself & promise there will be better days. whisper gently to yourself and provide assurance that you really are extending your best effort. console your bruised and tender spirit with reminders of many other successes. offer comfort in practical and tangible ways - as if you were encouraging your dearest friend. recognize that on certain days the greatest grace is that the day is over and you get to close your eyes. tomorrow comes more brightly...
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Read this: Jill Coleman

Jill nails it with this post. It's like she's seeing into your soul:
We know WHAT to do, but for God-knows-what-reason we just cannot DO it. Or at least with any type of consistency. Whether it’s eating for fat loss, working out regularly, getting into bed on time, giving up our favorite (name your treat here), etc. The list goes on. 
And on top of the NOT doing, we end up BEATING OURSELVES UP because “I know what I should be doing” and so we feel bad about it. In other words, on top of the behavioral stuff, we pile on negative self-talk and we are left with overwhelming discouragement.

Go read the whole shebang here: "Knowing" versus "Doing"

Thursday, January 19

615a-2 fr eggs, 2 chick saus, 2 sl bacon, c reg, supps
730a-c reg
815a-Americano w/ SF syrup
1015a-4oz pork tenderloin, 1.5c cabbage w/ honey mustard, 2T Sunbutter, 2T coconut flakes, can Diet Coke, supps
12p-personal training
145p-salad w/ hb egg, 6oz chicken breast, 2T mustard, c decaf, supps
345p-.5oz mixed nuts, 2c tea
6p-2T Sunbutter, 3oz teriyaki jerky, 2c tea
830p-supps, reds supp shake

-WG DL pulls, pm: 5x3
-Arms, abs, hams sore. Right foot a tiny bit sore.

Weight: 135.8 lbs 20.4% body fat (forgot to weigh until after breakfast)

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed. Solid sleep until 330a, then wide fucking awake for at least an hour (very nearly got up), then dozed off/on until alarm at 6a. Felt fine, but this threw a wrench into my fast-for-supper plan. Fasting adds more stress...poor sleep meant body was low on recovery after my 3-a-day...need to be able to run 14 miles tomorrow...ARGH. Finally reminded myself: my #1 priority is Boston training, not fat loss. Ate protein & fat to keep food quantity low but satiety high.

Stupid? Smart? What the fuck do I know? Making decisions based on all these variables is a tad overwhelming lately. I've gotten SO PARANOID about avoiding crashing that I wonder if I'm skittering too far in the opposite direction.

I want to be one of those elite athletes who are told exactly what to do and when. Even better, just hand me my meal, smack me on the ass, and send me on to my next workout. Lucky bastards.

Misc: Leisurely pre-work time on computer despite late start. Knew it was likely to be a little sucky at TS, followed by taxes, so I was sure to allow myself that happy-brain state to start the day. TS was indeed sucky, almost had to return post-Dustin and skip the tax firm, but got approval to finish the project on Friday morning. Yeah!

An acquaintance is looking for someone to do Quickbooks...do I get in on this? I have often thought I should be doing bookkeeping for small businesses...for people like my dad, who could be working on a car while paying me to update his Quickbooks, and come out way ahead, considering how much faster I'd be! I have had this idea for a long while, a "some day" goal, but I hesitate because: do I really have the time? Or, more accurately, do I have the desire to make the time? It's a tough question any time of year, but especially so during this Boston/tax season. I've done this for a few people, and I enjoyed it, but during tax season when they were neediest, I wanted to smack myself for it. (Side note to Dustin, in case you read this far: that does not apply to NSS...you guys are far from needy, in fact you are endlessly patient with me. Muchas gracias.)

The future is the time when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.
-Stephen Covey

Wednesday, January 18

445a-2 fr eggs, 3 sl bacon, 2 sl GF toast, 2t mustard, c reg, supps
545a-almond milk latte, handful honey roasted slivered almonds
630a-equiment mania class
730a-Granny Smith apple, oz almonds, 2c reg
10a-salad w/ hb egg, 2 Reese's Pieces, can Diet Coke, 2c tea, supps
1130a-2T Sunbutter, 2T coconut flakes
12p-2.85m run, hill repeats
330p-chicken leg & thigh, roasted veg, .5oz almonds, supps
530p-yoga class
630p (wine bar)-4c decaf, 2oz spiced almonds
815p-supps, greens supp shake

-WG DL pulls, am: 5x3
-WG DL pulls, pm: 5x3
-Hams are whining bitches, abs a bit sore, right toe tendons a tiny bit sore.
-All-team meeting, 1.5 fewer hours on feet than normal.

Weight: 135.4 lbs, 20.7% body fat

Sleep: 7 hours in bed and slept terribly. Up at 130a for b/r and took ages to fall back, woke at 3 and took ages to fall back, alarm at 430. Felt okay but concerned I'd be crashing later on; added toast to breakfast & a snack PWO, and felt good all day.

Misc: I had to list my top 3 snack choices at work today (assuming it's for an audit celebration), single caveat of nothing requiring refrigeration. My super exciting list, in order of preference: raw unsalted cashews, raw unsalted almonds, teriyaki jerky. I drooled with jealousy at the list of Twix, Gardetto's, Funyuns, etc.


Quote of the day:

Every problem you have in your life right now is your responsibility, regardless of who initially caused it.

-Marc & Angel Hack Life

Tuesday, January 17

515a-8oz pork tenderloin, c steamed cabbage w/ cherry honey mustard sauce, c reg, supps
615a-c reg
715a-c reg
830a-2c reg
10a-2T Sunbutter, 2T coconut flakes, oz almonds, supps
12p-personal training
130p-salad, 5oz tuna w/ 2T mustard, 4oz pork tenderloin, supps
2p-c decaf
3p-2c tea
5p-handful mixed nuts, 2c decaf tea, supps
8p-half handful mixed nuts
830p-supp shake

Felt kind of rotten from 930-1130am, digestively. Wanted to curl up into a ball and nap, not stand at a desk and reconcile! Fasting for supper, did sample some mixed nuts at the tax firm. Twice.

WG DL pulls, 2pm: 4; 9pm: 4

Weight: 135.0 lbs, 21.5% body fat - water is definitely dropping, as my rockin' forearm definition is easing back into view!

Sleep: 8 hours in bed. Up at 3 for b/r - had cut back on water after supper hoping that would help. Nope. Slept solidly, though, some weird dreams just before the alarm woke me. Stayed in bed ~5 minutes, preparing my brain for the day, helped relieve the bad mood caused by the alarm clock.

Acne: Discussing Saturday's food w/ Joy, I've decided excessive soy is more likely to blame, or soy + a little dairy. Either way, damn the stupid sensitivity!

Misc: Started what may become a new habit: I was ready to leave for work at 615a, but instead I made another cup of coffee, read a book, started today's post, & got updated on Facebook. Hoping that getting this out of the way at home keeps me from doing it at work so I get my shit done there. Too much procrastinating lately.

Tax firm in eve, was, yes, a fun time; but I was not really finding myself "lost" in the work like normal. Shiny-object syndrome.

FUN plans loading up my week: Wednesday night wine bar w/ coworker buds either before and/or after yoga; and Friday night supper with "big sister" Lori, who I haven't seen in many many months. YAY!


Quote of the day:
Focus on what you are moving toward rather than what you are leaving behind.
-Alan Cohen

Monday, January 16

445a-2 fr eggs, 3 sl bacon, c reg, supps
6a-c reg
630a-taught class
730a-2c reg
10a-chicken wing & half breast, veggies, supps
1130a-2T Sunbutter, 2T coconut flakes (sat well for run)
12p-3.13m run
2p-salad, hb egg, 2c decaf tea, supps
6p-3.5oz tilapia w/ .25c onions, 3oz roast beef, cup steamed cabbage w/ T honey mustard, supps, greens supp ice cream

-WG DL pulls, am: 4x4
-WG DL pulls, pm, hook grip!: 3x3
-Fat feet in afternoon, no visible tendons. 3 days away from standing apparently makes me weak all over again?

Weight: 135.4, 24.3% body fat - starting to drop. Just remembered something that Ashley mentioned at the meet Saturday: heavy lifting = increased bone density. I like the idea that's where some of my extra weight is coming from, rather than me being delusional in thinking it's not fat...

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed. Not a good way to start the week. Felt well rested, but definitely need to get in 8 tonight. Was fine all day until heading home at 5 - was suddenly dog tired. Did my must-do chore, made pot o' cabbage, and that was it. Good & lazy!

Meet: Will I ever stop babbling about it? Updated the numbers in my powerlifting file (what, doesn't everyone have one of these?) and below are my week 2 max weights compared to meet day in week 10 (week 1 was technique/reps/not heavy) :
  • Deadlift went from 155 to 225, +70 lbs
  • Back squat went from 105 to 155, +50 lbs
  • Bench press went from 85 to 110, +25 lbs
  • Total went from 345 to 490, +145 lbs!

And, ├╝ber-cool: my Power Buddy is my Power Twin. Joy had the same total weight of 490!!

Misc: Bit of an acne reaction going on. Hop said the perfectly golden non-greasy hash browns on Saturday were probably made that way using butter. Stupid sneaky dairy!

Totally random: I had a swoosh from my hat imprinted on my forehead for several hours after today's run. You owe me money, Nike!

Sunday, January 15

545a-2 fr eggs, 2 sl bacon, 2 chick saus, Sunbutter bar, c reg, supps
7a-2T Sunbutter, almond milk latte
(745a 7.22-mile run)
830a, during run-half of energy bar experiment (T coconut oil, T honey, T slivered honey-roasted almonds, T raisins, T pepitas, t cinnamon)
930a-rest of energy bar
10a-c reg, honey mustard cashew chicken breast
(1130a 2-hour nap)
2p-honey mustard cashew chicken breast, 2c roasted vegetables, pork tenderloin, supps, some chicken bone gnawing
630p-c asparagus, 2 small honey mustard cashew chicken breasts, supps
7p-peppermint reds supp shake

Anyone who pays attention to their cravings will notice that carbs beget carbs. As in, when you eat carbs, you crave even more carbs. When I got home from my run, I wanted MORE SWEETS. Instead, I ate a chicken breast, hoping a solid dose of protein would stop the cravings. It worked! Another option would've been hitting the hay, but I was too keyed up to nap right away.

Weight: 137.0 lbs, 21.6% body fat - well, this is because I ate a massive supper, not true weight gain going on. Still, a surprisingly high number. Given how little my overall size has changed (same jeans still fit, etc) I'm really curious to see how my weight shakes out after what I presume will be an extended deload.

WG DL pulls, am: 4, 3 (felt weird shifting in left shoulder, stopped)

Sleep: 7 hours in bed. Up at 3a (when Hop came home from Sidewalks, grrr) for b/r but otherwise slept pretty solidly. Still, not enough hours to properly recover from the meet and fuel a long run.

Meet: Had another thought to share. As I lifted, I pretty much tuned out everyone - total focus on what I was doing only, deep inside my own head except for Steve's commands. I didn't even register Dustin being mere inches behind me. But in my final deadlift, I remember hearing the crowd start cheering me on, because I was so sloooow (I pretty much always am on deadlifts) and I thought to myself, "Chill the fuck out, people. I got this!" As soon as I picked it up, I had absolute confidence I'd pull it. THAT was a fantastic note to end my first meet!

Goals: I just took a look at my 2012 plans, and my goal for the powerlifting meet was "have fun." CHECK DONE!

The next major goal is the Boston Marathon on 4/16 (I even put a neat countdown widget [91 days!] over there somewhere ---->) so my focus becomes logging easy miles, especially the long runs, and not letting work stress affect any of it. I sacrificed far too many of last year's miles to work, and I refuse to do it again.

Before Boston, I have a hope of running the Get Lucky half-marathon on 3/17, with another "have fun" goal - also a likely PR since I've only done one half, back in May 2010. We'll see where things take me; if my body is doing well and it doesn't add mental stress, it's a date!

And, naturally, I will keep on lifting, but I don't yet know what changes the chief has planned while running becomes the priority for the next three months.

Misc: A thought on priorities: I pulled a Quicken report (trying to understand where the hell we spend all of our money) that compares 2011 to 2009-2011 averages. Dig this: the increased annual expense for fitness ($2k: Dustin, race costs, running gear, squat rack) almost exactly cancels out the decreased expenses for clothing ($1k) & entertainment ($1k: bars & restaurants). That is a worthwhile trade-off! Another big increase was groceries; but as the smart people say, "Pay the grocer now, or the doctor later." Happy to discover our money isn't going to stupid stuff, but it's definitely going out faster than is sustainable. Side benefit of tax season: too busy to spend foolishly.

I fell off the cold-shower blast last week. Resumed it with a calf & shin blast, trying to knock those whining bitches back into line.

Weekend food prep:
-Salads - maybe a half hour to chop up the vegetables (romaine, bell peppers, celery, jicama, cauliflower) & divide out into 4 containers w/ an HB egg, ready to grab & go.
-Slow cooker meal: entire frozen chicken, 4 packs of frozen vegetables (dandelion greens, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower), spices - 5 minutes to cut open bags & put in slow cooker, cooked overnight on Saturday, 5 minutes to divide out into 6 meals, again ready to grab & go. Seriously couldn't get any easier!


Quote of the day:

What's the worst that could happen if you faced your fear?

Well, the best thing that could happen is that you could conquer your fear. You could accomplish what you thought you couldn't accomplish. You could become wildly happy and successful.

And you could like it.

Imagine how good you would feel to be free of burden. To feel strong and capable.

Now, is your answer to the first question going to keep you from all that?

-Stephen Covey

Saturday, January 14

5a-2 fr eggs, 2.5sl bacon, 2c reg, supps
7a-c reg
8a-c reg
9a-3.25oz jerky
(powerlifting meet: squat)
(powerlifting meet: bench)
12p-3.25oz jerky, 2.6oz apple chips
(powerlifting meet: deadlift)
2p-2 eggs scrambled w/ bacon & ham & sausage, hash browns, 3c reg, supps
630p-9 ribs, 2T cole slaw, 2-3 bites mashed potatoes, half Hop's broasted chicken breast, 4c decaf
930p-supps, greens supp shake

Meet day!!

WG DL pulls, pm: 5,3

Weight: 136.2 lbs, 24.3% body fat - no idea what's going on here. Ate a nice high-fat breakfast & drank a shit ton of coffee, trying to flush things through before the meet. I definitely want to give a go at the whole water manipulation thing sometime, if only to better understand how it all works.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, slept straight through, woke naturally, no complaints!

Meet: ZOMG this was SO MUCH FUN. Hit my main goals, logged bench & deadlift PRs, and did I mention SO MUCH FUN? Icing on the cake for Joy & I to see what our training accomplished.

Incredibly inspiring seeing what the super strong women could do; it made me very excited to imagine where I can get some day! I only trained for this deal for 10 weeks. What happens in 10 months? 10 years? WORLD DOMINATION, that's what happens!

Bonus: being weak as a kitten, I squatted first, which made me the star of a video of the first ever competitive lift at NSS!

Afterward, Joy & Heidi & I celebrated with breakfast at Traveler's Inn (breakfast is the easiest dairy- & grain-free meal out), which was excellent, as I've never hung out with Heidi before, and Joy & I literally have never socialized outside work or a gym. 'Twas lovely.

Then, since my husband has been working his ass off just like me & we haven't seen each other, I made him join me with the lifting crew at the Fire Station, where the special was ribs (and they were perfection) and the company was pretty hilarious. Hoping the high-weight lifting stories inspired the hubster to get his ass going on the program I wrote him.

Up until today, most of 2012 sucked hairy pig ass. But today made up for all of it. Best day in AGES!!


Quote of the day:

Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal: my strength lies solely in my tenacity. 

-Louis Pasteur

(Ed note: but I still wore my Wonder Woman underpants, for an extra dose of strength!)

Friday, January 13

630a-2 fr eggs, 4 chick saus, c reg, supps
830a-decaf almond milk latte
945a-3oz roast beef, Sunbutter bar, 2c white tea
11a-T pepitas, .5T honey, .5T coconut oil, T coconut flour, T almond flour (testing a half-assed homemade energy bar idea), 2c white tea
1230p-chef salad (2c iceberg, slice ham, half HB egg, 2 slices tomato, 2 slice cucumber, half packet light French dressing), 3c reg, c decaf
130p-bag apple chips
2p-handful cashews, new energy bar attempt (T pepitas, T honey slivered almonds, .5T coconut oil, T coconut flour, T almond flour, 2T Sunbutter), 2c Eggnogg'n tea, supps
(2-hour nap)
6p-cashews, raisins, cinnamon experiment (form fail), 2c Eggnogg'n tea
7p-honey mustard cashew chicken (form fail), c balsamic asparagus, supps

Got extra-snacky after groceries came home...raw cashews are the devil. Thankfully I bypassed a whole lot of other potential treats when I was still in the store! Extra snacky again at supper. Meet nerves, there.

WG DL pulls, am: 4x4

Weight: 135.8 lbs, 20.1% body fat - somewhat upset system again, but I feel okay.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed. Up at 315 for b/r but otherwise solid. Up w/ Hop's alarm, but as that was at 615, it felt great! The afternoon nap didn't feel necessary, I was not feeling tired, but I knew it would feel good. With the meet tomorrow, giving the body as much rest as possible seemed like the smartest thing I could do.

Work: Worked from home in the morning, in my jammies, kitties sharing my chair. Love. Stress-less. And I did NOT go to the tax firm, even though there would be plenty of things for me to do. Focus is on me[et]!

Misc: Lunch with the parents. Nap with the kitties. Life is good.

Read This: Nicholas Bronkall

Go read this EliteFTS article: Perseverance and Persistence

Other than the part where he insults men by calling them women (this little feminist does NOT appreciate that one bit), this is excellent stuff. Excerpt:

The true test in life of your character is when you’re just completely buried with problems, walls, road blocks, and obstacles and it seems like there isn’t any way you’ll ever get what you set out to achieve, but you find a way. Bad times don’t last forever. They can’t. If you’re constantly striving to be the person you’re truly meant to be, those times won’t last forever. Find your inner strength in tough times and do what you have to do to get it done. Persevere. Be a winner.

Thursday, January 12

5a-2 fr eggs, 4 chick saus, 2 potato pancakes, c reg, c decaf, supps
630a-almond milk latte
8a-2c reg
945a-3oz beef, c acorn squash, handful almonds, 2c decaf, supps
(noon personal training)
2p-3.5oz tilapia w/ onions, 2c roasted vegetables, PB2 & apple butter sandwich, supps
3p-2c reg
630p-12oz jerky
830p-supps, reds shake w/ frozen mango as sweetener

Holy shit victory: I ate a handful of almonds without counting 24 out to be sure there was just one serving. Not impressed? It's probably the first time in 4.5 years that I haven't counted!

Holy shit failure: I ate an entire 12-oz bag of jerky. That's supposed to be FOUR servings! Debated eating supper at all. Normal plan: fast while at the tax firm. Powerlifting plan: no fasting, just keep the body as happy as possible all week long. Well, four servings of jerky may have made the brain happy, but my guts were decidedly not.

WG DL pulls, am: 3, 3
WG DL slow-as-molasses pulls, pm: 1, 1

Weight: 134.2 lbs, 20.0% body fat - down 2 lbs from yesterday, as digestion is beginning to get back on track. Choo choo!

Sleep: In bed 7.5 hours. Slept quite well, no bathroom break for once. Woke at 4, fell back asleep, woke naturally at 445 - had alarm set for 545 but just got up since I felt rested, such a good feeling. Right pinky was 100% numb from laying on my elbow; that was rather freaky.

Work: I take back yesterday's "Our team is terrible at appreciation" bitching. Today we got treats complete with BALLOONS! They say "Thanks a buzzillion" and "Another year of fabulous" and there were massive donuts and a fruit tray and bananas. Job well done.

Afternoon/eve at the tax firm. That place is good for my brain, at least this early in the season: lovely people and fun work. Yes, I just called tax prep fun!

Misc: Some early morning frustration as I killed time at home so I'd get to Alex at 7 to pick up my Ploughshare delivery on the way to work. At 705, it wasn't there yet. So I went past TS, filled up the car (was on E), then all the way back to get the veggies, now it's 730. Still no veggies! Two days ago, I'd have been screaming mad and damn near purple with frustration at wasting a half hour. Today, just a little annoyed, only a few swear words. Quite a turnaround when I'm not humming along at always-ready-to-throat-punch-a-fool stress levels.

This morning I listened to a Robb Wolf podcast in which he talked about minor measurement details (calories, macros, etc) being a whole lot of wasted time when the big rocks aren't in line. That there was my whole entire problem in 2011. My big rocks (stress & sleep) were a fucking mess; no matter how carefully I tallied every calorie I ate, it didn't make a damn bit of difference. In fact, it made it worse, as I repeatedly berated myself for my "failures." In the past 12 days of NOT counting, my brain is doing so much better: I've had a couple days where I overate thanks to stress, but I no longer have the numbers constantly staring me in the face, reminding me that I failed, I failed, I failed. I actually hadn't even thought about those two days again until I reflected back this morning. That's another massive fucking victory for this chica.

Joy & I chatted some this morning about concerns & angst we had dug ourselves into earlier in the week, in regards to Saturday's powerlifting meet. But we've both basically come around to not fretting about the meet anymore. It will be whatever it is (I predict: fun!!). For me, the most important benefits of this meet have already happened:
  • I got a hell of a lot stronger.
  • I made some real body comp progress - probably nothing visible to others, but I can feel solid fucking steel under a thinner layer of fluff, particularly in my abs & glutes - seriously, come feel my obliques!
  • I've also been admiring my forearms. A lot. They aren't freakish, but the definition is getting impressive.
  • I stopped with the constant, steady, low-level stream of belly-fat hate; negative, painful thoughts which had been an adult-life-long thing. I simply don't have words to describe how significant this change has been.
  • As I wrote about last week, I experienced this infinitely overwhelming realization: I would rather have my strong, powerful body, extra fat and all, than be a skinny, weak little wisp of a woman.  Again, this accountant can not find proper words to fully convey what that change means.
  • I've enjoyed having such a solid focus for my lifting addiction. Constant PRs are so. much. fun.
    • Note to self: that will end soon. Peaks & valleys begin too damn quickly after that initial linear progression.
  • I've absolutely loved telling people that I'm training for a powerlifting meet. Brings a whole new aspect to their impression of me as just a runner. Pretty soon I can just say "I'm a powerlifter." How fucking cool does that sound?!
  • A deepened friendship with Joy, who's become one of my besties.

Momentous benefits. Even if I were to somehow fail on every lift on Saturday, wake up deathly sick & unable to go, whatever - any one of the above benefits alone would cancel out such failure.

But put all of them together? I'm an incredibly happy woman. Thank you, NSS.

    Wednesday, January 11

    430a-2 fr eggs, 4 chick saus, c reg, supps
    530a-almond milk latte (c reg, 4oz almond milk, cinnamon extract, SF caramel syrup)
    (630a taught class)
    8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
    930a-chicken breast, c roasted eggplant, 2c decaf w/ Equal, supps
    11a-2c decaf
    1140a-3T Sunbutter, mini-bottle diet Coke
    (noon 3.02-mile run)
    3p-salad, 3.25oz jerky, 1.5T Sunbutter, 2c herbal tea, supps
    (530p yoga)
    7p-omelet, 4 chick saus, 3oz roast beef, c decaf, supps, greens shake

    Testing nut butter + caffeine as pre-run fuel; bit of calorie overkill for a short run like this, but needed to see how it sits in the stomach. (It's also a pretty convenient excuse to eat it straight from the jar.) Felt great! I have single-serving packets of Sunbutter coming from Amazon, so (a) I don't have a jar to resist diving into and (b) I can test literally on the run as a fuel source.

    Weight: 136.2 lbs, 19.6% body fat - still an upset digestive system, but I've added some supplements to target it and get things normalized. I hope. Feeling fairly awful.

    WG DL pulls, am: 4, 3, 3
    WG DL pulls, pm: 3, 3

    Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed. NOT ENOUGH. I freaking went to bed at 845, planning on a full, solid 8 hours...but was wide awake at 4. It's nice to just wake up without an alarm and feel good, but I really don't need to be up at 4am!

    Misc: I'm still doing the cold shower blast. It's getting a little easier each time! My 10 breaths are a bit slower, and I'd say it's helping me adapt to the sudden shift to actual winter weather.

    Chatted w/ Joy, who is still battling some back pain. Had my minor meet anxiety (what if I'm the very first lifter?) put into place by her more major fear (what if I can't even lift?) and thus got over myself, did what I could to help her. Sometimes one of the best ways to make yourself feel better is to try to make someone else feel better. Cheesy but true.

    Work: I left at 410pm. Ho. Lee. Shit. And I had nothing to do until yoga at 530, so I sat down in the rec room and read a book. Fucking bliss. My proper tax season schedule can now start, and as an extra bonus I'm working from home this Friday for just a half day. My spark has returned, the sky is not falling after all, life is no longer horrible, and I should soon return to loving my job.

    I even took the initiative to tell the director yesterday that she really needs to get treats in for the team. I'm not the only one working my ass off in January; it may "be the nature of the job," but that doesn't really make it any easier on either the team member or their family. I've already brought in treats twice this month, but I'm not a lead, I'm not on the Fun Squad (they plan our team outings, celebrations, etc), & I don't get reimbursed. But when I see how hard everyone works, and I know firsthand what the extra stress and/or hours can do, I can't help making some small effort to lighten the load. And I can't understand why I'm the only one feeling this way. It's not that difficult to show appreciation.


    Quote of the day:

    Pretend you're five years old again, and make a little hill in an ant's path. The ant will walk up and over the top without braking. It will go into a hole, over a log, through grass. It if can't go through, it will go around.
    An ant will never turn around and walk the other way, no matter what obstacles are in its path. Try applying that kind of tenacity to your life. Of course, you'll want to use your brain, too.
    But in the determination department, be an ant.
    Refuse to be stopped.
    Keep going, and learn as you go.
    People who patiently persist finally see their dreams come true. 
    - from The Portable 7 Habits: Choice - Choosing the Proactive Life You Want to Live

    Tuesday, January 10

    5a-2 fr eggs, 2 sl bacon, 2 potato pancakes, c asparagus, T balsamic, c reg, supps
    6a-c reg, .5c almond milk, T SF syrup
    7a-2c reg
    830a-2c chai tea (thanks, Joy!)
    930a-3oz chuck roast, 2c roasted veg, med apple, T Sunbutter, supps
    (noon personal training...and I didn't want to come back to work at all!)
    130p-pint Arctic Zero, c acorn squash
    3p-oz almonds, 2T Sunbutter, T coconut flakes (sumbitch, I forgot to bring my tuna!)
    6p-2 fr eggs, 3 sl bacon, 2 potato pancakes, c roasted eggplant, reds supp ice cream, supps
    7p-6oz Paleonola (all gone now, thankfully)

    Weight: 136.0 lbs, 17.7% body fat - my digestive system is still 8 shades of fucked-up, hence asparagus at breakfast and massive water intake in attempt to reset. It would seem pretty obvious that my body does not tolerate mental stress well at all.

    Sleep: 7 hours in bed, slept like ass. Up at 3 for b/r, wide awake for ~45min. Seriously debated just getting up and staying up. Ugh. Alarm woke me at 445, and I snoozed - I never snooze! The night left me feeling half rotten.

    Work: Oh so happy to be here at 645am again! More massive stress as I was asked stupid useless nitpicking questions that made me want to tear out my hair, or perhaps throat-punch the asker. But complain about the job though I may, I'd rather have it than not; hence I internalize mountains of frustration that I can't figure out how to release.

    And part of the issue is something I complained about back when Lisa was on leave: lack of appreciation. It's really important to me that I show gratitude & appreciation for others: I love making the effort to do little things like gift a coffee token, write a note of thanks, etc; I don't do them with the expectation of getting a gift in return, but Jesus Aitch Christ, when I'm stressed out of my mind and on my 60th hour of year-end close at noon on day 6, with nary a "Thank you"? The rest of the world seems like a bunch of ungrateful fuckheads in comparison.

    However, we did get year-end turned in, and in record fucking time - and I got to leave by 515pm. Only a 9-hour day, holy crap!!

    Misc: Some good things did happen today, it wasn't all gray clouds and fists of rage. I emailed three friends last night about getting together sometime in the next month. They all replied back, so I'm making social dates during tax season despite the stupid work hours. This is the kind of thing I need to keep doing even when I just want to hermit it up on the couch with Clyde & Oscar. Joy & I shared some delightful emails complaining about our mutual stupid body failures. Her lower back is revolting, and boy can I relate to that. I'm hoping I was able to give her a boost in return for all the times she's boosted me. And my beloved girl Amy sent me two excellent emails in reply to my stress complaints, so good I have to share:
    • First, she told me to focus on Boston, picture crossing the finish line. Which is pretty cool, given I have this goosebump-causing picture in my Word vision board:

    I'll be seeing this beautiful baby IN PERSON in just 97 days. Eep!

    It's an excellent focal point to put the mental train back on the right track.

    • Second, she made me laugh out loud. I had told her, "The combination of year-end-close and a certain lead's OCD-at-year-end is going to drive me to start drinking again. Probably during work hours. Please figure out how to keep this from getting me fired." And her reply was fantastic:
    Couple of tips that you need to keep in mind:
    • Always shut your door when partaking in cocktails.
    • Solid colored containers are your friend. Flasks are too obvious though...
    • NEVER EVER EVER offer [lead] a drink, even when you think she needs one!
    • Avoid the phrases, “Take this job and shove it.” “Look here, missy. I don’t give a damn. Do it yourself.” “You have OCD, don’t you?”
    • Do not leave the OCD pamphlet on her desk or sign her up for any related email blasts.
    • And as a last resort: “What? This? I’m doing some quality control for Product Development.”
    I hope, for your sake, that you have friends who are as fantastically awesome as mine are.


    Quote of the day:

    The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. - CS Lewis

    2011 DailyMile Report

    Ain't this purty??

    (Total miles include running, walking, & biking.)

    Monday, January 9

    5a-2 fr eggs, 2 chick saus, c reg, supps
    6a-almond milk latte (c reg, c almond milk, t cinnamon extract)
    (630am taught class)
    730a-2c reg
    930a-3.5oz tilapia, onions, c roasted root veg, supps, 2c decaf
    2p-salad (romaine, celery, cauliflower, grape tomatoes, peppers, hb egg, balsamic, 5oz smoked ham w/ 2T mustard, T Sunbutter, 2T coconut flakes, 2c black tea, supps
    530p-2c black tea, 3.25oz jerky
    830p-omelet, supps, greens supp ice cream

    Between meals 2 & 3 I got quite chilly, felt like I was fasting - plus work stress - so I added in the yummy fatty Sunbutter/coconut flakes combo. It seemed to help quite a bit, better able to manage the deluge of work stress.

    Weight: 136.6 lbs, 20.4% body fat (having some digestive issues)

    WG DL pulls, am: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
    WG DL pulls, pm: 3, 3

    Sleep: In bed 8 hours. Woke at 4 but fell back asleep. Unfortunately, that meant the alarm woke me at 445, so I felt a little crappy until I got moving. For once I didn't need to get up for the bathroom, yee haw!

    Work: Stress mountain: worked 12.75 hours, got paid for 8! Year end close is sucking away my will to live. All day basically felt like I was trapped in an endless maze of rabbit holes. Just when I thought I had finished something, BAM, there's another tunnel to follow. Bonus complaints:
    • Didn't go for my noon run thanks to close insanity. NOT a happy camper. Maybe would've gone to get some sunshine anyway (and just worked even later) if only the body hadn't sucked so badly in yesterday's lifting session.
    • Skipped my first internal Relay for Life meeting as co-captain. Super passionate about this event, and I can't even go to the first meeting?!
    • Also skipped the first community RFL meeting. Extra pissed because I was still fucking working when this meeting ended at 7.

    I think I deserve a gold star for resisting the urge to dive into my jar of Sunbutter...AND for not throat-punching anyone, no matter how much they deserved it:

    Hm, not enough.

    I want a pony, too.

    Sunday, January 8

    8a-2 fr eggs, 3 sl bacon, 2 sl GF toast, honey mustard chicken breast, 2c reg, supps
    1030a-c kombucha squash, honey mustard chicken breast, oz Paleonola, c decaf, supps
    (lifting session)
    3p-pizza (rice/potato GF crust, tomato sauce, turkey pepperoni, green olives, daiya "cheese," honey mustard), chicken breast, can Zevia, supps
    5p-2 potato pancakes (as I fried them)
    6p-fr egg, 2 sl bacon, 2 potato cakes, c decaf, supps
    645p-reds supp ice cream

    Too snacky post-lifting. Bad session, hard on the brain.

    Weight: 132.2 lbs, 19.4% body fat (that % is closer to normal)

    Sleep: 9.5 hours in bed. Up at 3 for b/r, naturally, and woke several times throughout morning, but didn't get up until I simply couldn't fall back. BLISS.

    Work: Yeah, on a Sunday. Couple hours on TS stuff from home computer, after paying bills all morning, then another hour again after supper. Good times.

    Misc: On feet a good chunk of the afternoon, PWO, making food (see below). Mentally a little beat down after lifting went so crappy, but not as bad as I used to be. Did the cold-shower blast again, on my back, and it was a little easier to stand this time, my 10 breaths went a little bit slower. It may seem pointless, but it really does create an interesting little victory, overcoming that fear each time.

    Weekend food prep:
    -chicken breakfast sausage
    -3s tilapia & onions
    -huge pan full of roasted turnips, celeriac, radishes
    -potato pancakes
    -chuck roast in the slow cooker overnight, topped with a packet of TS spice mix
    -2 acorn squash

    Saturday, January 7

    7a-2 fr eggs, 3 sl bacon, bunch of chili lime pistachios, 2c reg, supps
    8a-finished the GD chili lime pistachios
    815a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
    10a-bacon-wrapped tenderloin
    12p-sampled a few butter-toffee almonds, supps
    1p-2c decaf, flavor drops
    245p-bacon-wrapped tenderloin
    7p-egg white / salsa / fake cheese omelet, honey mustard chicken breast, supps, greens supp ice cream
    730p-pint Arctic Zero
    9p-oz Paleonola, c decaf

    Plan is to fast on Saturdays until supper. First one, already changed it up! Sleep was just not too solid, feet were hurting from the long Friday run, and once I thought about bacon, I had to have it. Stuck to fat & protein to keep things on track. My supper, after fasting, is then supposed to be "anything goes" as a mental reward. I still did that, no punishments for "failures" anymore, but I kept it protein-focused so that calories really couldn't go crazy.

    Weight: 132.8 lbs, 18.3% body fat. Interesting that fat % was so low again. Stepped-up hydration would explain that if overall weight was up. Just...weird.

    Sleep: 9 hours in bed. Up at 3 for b/r (seriously, WHY?) and took a while to fall back. No alarm set. Woke at 5, again at 645, got up then. I love the easiness of the tax firm! No alarm, even on a working Saturday, makes the day much better.

    Work: Taxurday #1 of 14 was 8.8 hours of Fun With Numbers! Sitting all day should make it easier, but my back actually felt a little cranky by the end of the day. Here's something cool, though: a full-timer at the firm is wanting a standing workstation. If she gets it, I'll be able to stand up there, too!

    Quote of the day:
    Treadmill (n.): A torture device perfected in the 20th century, designed to destroy one's mind through sensory deprivation and monotony. - Mark Remy, The Runner's Rule Book

    PSA: Don't let me near your technology. A week ago: iTunes died. A half-week ago: computer died. I managed to resuscitate both (YAY ME!!) but now my iPod died!! In recharging it, the computer acts pissed since it's synced to another computer (Dustin put some stuff on for me) and won't charge. And at the tax firm, it took me a full half hour to open the client's version of QuickBooks, despite having 3 versions of QB to use to get to it. Fucking technology!!

    Whole30: A Picture is Worth 1000 Words


    This post is now located here: http://showthatyoudid.blogspot.com/2015/03/whole-30-round-1-pictures.html

    Friday, January 6

    530a-6 pumpkin pancakes w/ SF syrup, 2 slices bacon, c reg, supps
    615a-c reg
    745a-Americano w/ SF syrup
    945a-3oz chicken, c honey mustard cabbage, .5oz almonds, T Sunbutter, can Zevia, supps
    1p-2c Eggnogg'n tea, 2T Sunbutter
    (10-mile run w/ Katherine)
    430p-3oz chicken, c honey mustard cabbage, 3.25oz jerky, supps, can diet Coke
    8p-salad, hb egg, supps, reds supp "ice cream"

    Weight: 132.6 lbs, 17.6% fat <-whoa to that fat %. Usually that's a result of water retention, but my overall weight isn't up so I'm not sure what that's about. It would be nice to drop 6lbs of fat in one day, but I'm pretty sure that would require chopping off a limb...not quite worth the price!

    Wide-grip deadleg pullups, am: 6-5-4-3
    NG pullups, post run: 8, 2
    Wide-grip deadleg pullups, pm: skipped, upper back feeling sore

    Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, thanks to the late night at work yesterday. Up at 11 for b/r (damn all that water!) and woke naturally at 5am (alarm was set for 545) - I felt good & rested so I got up. This is the best way to start the day! Alarms suck.

    Work: Another long day. Nature of the job. 645am-715pm. Made better (mentally) by the break to run, but the body says otherwise. Couch was lovely, and I popped frozen slippers on my feet to make them a bit happier.

    This time, with the cold shower, I "flinched" and blasted my feet only. But they needed it!

    Quote of the day: We each get just one body. What will you do with yours?

    Thursday, January 5

    6a-French toast (2 eggs, 3 sl GF bread, cinnamon, stevia, flavor drops), 3oz chicken, c reg, supps
    615a-c reg
    7a-c reg
    945a-can Zevia
    1030a-bacon-wrapped tenderloin, c kombucha squash, supps
    (personal training with a bonus 3.79-mile utility run)
    130p-med banana, s egg protein, s PB2, s stevia
    330p-3.25oz teriyaki jerky, can diet cherry Coke
    430p-2c decaf peach tea
    7p-2c decaf peach tea, oz almonds, 2T Sunbutter, 2T coconut flakes (all mixed together...NOM)
    830p-supps, greens supp "ice cream"

    Weight: 133.0 lbs, 22.0% body fat

    And just for fun, I also weighed in after breakfast: up 1.4 lbs. Go look at what I ate for breakfast: not that much. Realize just how much the scale swings due to food and fluids and don't let it freak you out! (This reminder is for me just as much as anyone else.)

    Wide-grip deadleg pullups, pm: 5

    Felt kind of snacky after breakfast so I had an extra cup of pumpkin spice coffee, which feels like quite a treat, and it satisfied that craving well enough! Work got super late, so I bypassed my plan and ate supper. The plan is based on working until 8pm at the tax firm (where I sit) and not TS (where I stand). And while I could have skipped it & pushed the body somewhat, as I wasn't hungry, my priority is Boston training...10 miles on Friday will be my first double-digit run since the 50k, so Thursday has to support that.

    Sleep: In bed 9 hours. Solid other than up at 2 for b/r, awake at 4, 5, woke by alarm. Stupid hands kept falling asleep - I blame my giant muscular shoulders. Initially I felt tired due to the alarm waking me, but I was good to go once I got moving & making that 1.4-lb breakfast.

    Fluids: At work, I required myself to down a full quart of water between all other fluids (coffee, Zevia, tea). Too many other fluids have been filling up my day, so I'm putting a little focus on plain ol' H20. Translated to 240 oz!!

    Work: Geared up for one long motherfuckin' day. 715am to 715pm, though with a two hour lunch...but those two hours were pure workout. Good for the brain, but the body was hit hard.

    I also did the 10-fast-breaths cold-shower blast, this time on my back. Just as COLD and once again I laughed as I shut it off. A strange reaction, but I'm laughing at myself, I guess? Hard to explain. Try it yourself and find out!


    Here's something related to Paleo eating: everyone loves a flowchart, right? This one cracks me up, but is also helpful!

    Wednesday, January 4

    445a-2 fr eggs, 2/3s chick saus, slice protein “bread,” c reg, supps
    545a-c reg
    (630a-taught class)
    730a-2c reg
    830a-can Zevia
    915a-2c tea
    10a-salad (romaine, cauliflower, peppers, grape tomatoes, hb egg), (forgot supps)
    (12p-3.45-mile run)
    3p-3.5oz tilapia, .5c cooked cabbage w/ honey mustard sauce, T coconut flakes & 2T Sunbutter, supps, 2c decaf tea
    430p-2c decaf tea
    7p-T Sunbutter, supps, supp "ice cream"

    Weight: 133.0 lbs, 20.5% body fat

    Wide-grip deadleg pullups, am: 5-4-5-4

    That 7pm Sunbutter wasn't on the fast-for-supper plan, but it was sitting on the counter for the past 2.5 days. Lesson re-learned: don't leave tempting treats out in sight! NO ONE has an inexaustible source of willpower. Lucky for me it was only half a single-serving packet, not a whole jar.

    Sleep: 8 hours in bed. Slept soundly but up at 2 for b/r, awake at 4, fell back & woke at 440, perfect!

    Work: A low-stress work day, but the shit will be hitting the fan today. Longest day of the year is supposed to be in June, but MY longest work day of the year is the third business day...send me positive thoughts. And Americanos.