December 19

5a-2 fr egg, chick saus, c reg, Met, fish oil, multi, calcium, CLA, ALC, Tyrosine
6a-c reg, 4oz almond milk
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
10a-protein shake, oz cashews, 2c decaf, fish oil, multi, calcium, CLA, ALC
2p-salad, oz almonds, 2c decaf tea, fish oil, multi, calcium, CLA, ALC
3p-2c decaf tea
330p-2c decaf tea
6p-6oz chicken & c Brussels sprouts in .5T olive oil, fish oil, multi, calcium, CLA, ALC, Carnosine, reds, Met, yeast, guar gum, flavor drops
730p-c decaf tea
8p-NC
9p-5HTP

Totals: 1578 cal, 82g fat (22 sat), 88g carbs (30 fiber), 119g protein

By the numbers, this day was a success...but mentally I struggled all.day.long. Physically I was okay, just on the lethargic/listless side, but my brain wanted absolutely nothing to do with anything or anybody. I left work at 4, went straight home, and straight to bed. A 1.5-hour nap helped some, but I remained spark-less last night...no enthusiasm for anything.

Back is doing pretty well, so my concerns over that are staying within reason, dark alleys avoided, and will hopefully improve after talking with the chief at today's session.

Slight mental improvement today, but not yet my normal self. I'm feeling a little burned-out on absolutely everything, from calorie-counting to work to winter (which hasn't even started) to Christmas (confession: my least favorite holiday) to tax season (which, again, hasn't even started).

I blame tax season anxiety for all of it.

Today I am trying to remind myself that it's never as bad as I anticipate it to be, and there's no point in spending the next two weeks letting my anxiety build up and up and up, until it's a fucking tower of Pisa ready to crash on my curly li'l head.

My amazing girl Joy told me to think of it differently: it's Boston training season, not tax season. This I like! If I can focus on that instead, think of fueling, training, & recovering as an athlete who also happens to be working long hours, what a difference that could make. That puts work into a second-tier priority, which is right the fuck where it belongs. Health should be #1 at all times - it's the single thing in life that you truly can not survive without!

At any rate it sounds better than the way I was approaching it:
1. I want to lose fat (mental stress, physical stress)
2. and work 60 hours (mental stress, physical stress due to less/poor sleep)
3. and keep lifting (mental release but also physical stress)
4. and train for Boston (mental stress AND release, depending, and of course physical stress)

...is it any wonder I expect to break, with this many stresses?

So, first and foremost: attitude.
Second: determine goals.
Third: consider obstacles.
Fourth: strategize.
Fifth: go forth!

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