December 13

430a-2 fr eggs, chick saus, root veg, 2c reg, Met, fish oil, multi, calcium, CLA, ALC, Tyrosine
530a-c decaf, oz apple chips
615a-c decaf
9a-2c decaf tea
10a-2c decaf, bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin, rice cake & T Sunbutter, fish oil, multi, calcium, CLA, ALC
230p-salad, hb egg, 2 chicken legs, fish oil, multi, calcium, CLA, ALC
7p-2 slices GF French toast (coating made w/ yogurt, SF jello mix & fake PB-form fail!), SF syrup, 2s chick saus, 2c decaf, Met, reds, yeast, SF jello mix, fish oil, multi, calcium, CLA, ALC, Carnosine
830p-3 pb cookies, T fake pb, oz walnuts
9p-NC, 5HTP

Totals: 2433 cal, 100g fat (28 sat), 226g carbs (48 fiber), 152g protein

Yeah. Just before bedtime, when I should've just hauled my ass into the shower, I was feeling overwhelmingly snacky, damn near binge-level, and just plain miserable. So I thought up a compromise: go ahead and eat whatever, then fast on Wednesday. At that idea, I perked right up - fasting two days after I just did so sounded like a good experiment...it might backfire and kick me in the ass, but even so, that would be a lesson learned.

What is fake PB? This stuff: Walden Farms Peanut Spread - it's basically assorted chemicals whipped up into in a calorie-free fluff that kinda sorta resembles peanut butter. It's not a true substitute for the real thing but can be made to work in a recipe or something (like as a dip for peanut butter cookies). I'm sure it's also probably 100% terrible for you, but if it keeps me from eating 1400 calories worth of sweet, delicious Subutter, well, to me it's worth the trade off.

Don't get too excited about their products - if you Google for reviews, you'll find that most of them seem to taste like ass. I've tried the PB and caramel dip, and found them to be tolerable substitutes; I've also tried the ranch dressing, which I threw away after one disgusting taste.

My theory on this chemical-laden shit is like so: if you're dieting down and avoiding calories and fueling your body with "just enough" to get by and mentally deprived and in danger of a binge, go ahead and eat it. If you're eating at a maintenance level and feeling fine and healthy and balanced, then avoid it. Eat real, whole, nutritious food.

Acne: I am now testing dairy in the form of yogurt. I bought the little 50-cal Fiber One yogurts both for the low calories and for the fact that the only dairy item listed was milk. I guess I could have just drank plain milk, but peach yogurt sounded much nommier.

Habit: Holy shit was I productive yesterday! I allowed myself a few minutes of fuck-around time first thing in the morning, at my two meals, and before leaving (at 530pm), and that was it. I had numerous moments where I would have replied to personal emails, or updated my food journal, or googled something - and instead I stopped myself and kept on working. And while I didn't get everything done (several work interruptions came my way), I did finish a monstrous goal write-up, which is huge. Maybe I'll get to take my PTO on Friday after all!

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