October 30

Fast day.

630a-c decaf, fish oil, multi, Met
11a-c reg
1p-c reg, stevia
3p-c decaf, stevia
7p-fish oil, multi, Met, reds, yeast, 4 FiberSmart
830p-5HTP, Tyrosine

Totals: 178 cal, 4g fat (0 sat), 24g carbs (10 fiber), 7g protein

I did no workouts, instead focusing on sleep (eleven hours!) and relaxation. Read a lot, paid bills, played on computer (for me, bill paying kinda belongs in that category!), bought Boston flights (woot!), and did the bare minimum of chores. I didn't even go outside despite it being a fairly nice day, just stayed tucked into my to-do list. Then I topped it off by going to bed at 8:50pm.

Most importantly: I didn't beat myself up over the binge. I'm not viewing it as some kind of mental failure, and that's a giant leap forward for me. Instead, I started re-listening to Leigh Peele's binge podcast series, and I'm devising a new nutrition plan. Stay tuned!

Habit: easy peasy. A side benefit of fasting is a flatter belly since there's nothing in the digestive system to poof it out. Yes, flatter even after a binge night. So another day of no belly hate, and after a binge? That's huuuuge.

Fun with scales:
Sunday morning +5.2 lbs
Monday morning -4.8 lbs - and from one week prior, -2.0 lbs

Daily weighing is giving me better perspective on "big picture" thinking than a weekly weigh-in, because I can see these wild water swings and understand how very much that influences the numbers. Use what works for you.

October 29

630a-fr egg, chick saus, .75 choco-waffle, SF syrup, 2c reg, stevia, fish oil, multi, Met
830a-2c decaf, stevia
10a(PWO)-s Ultima, mini Larabar
11a-s Ultima
12p-cobb salad w/o cheese, balsamic vinaigrette, 2c decaf
1p-snack size kettle corn (Only 70 calories! Swear this size was designed just for me.)
4p-chips & salsa, 3oz jerky
5p-half waffle
630p-rack ribs, SP fries, 2c decaf
9p-2.5 waffles, SF syrup, pb cookie, Met, reds, yeast, fish oil, multi, NC
1130p-5HTP, Tyrosine

Totals: 3411 cal, 167f fat (40 sat), 330g carbs (36 fiber), 159g protein

1000 calories over the goal. God damn.

As I got ready for supper, turned snacky/bingey. First I ate chips & salsa, then jerky, then I wised up & left the damn kitchen while I waited for my parents to call to meet for supper. After killing time on the computer, I went back to the kitchen & made a toaster waffle; while it was toasting, mom called that they were on their way, so I found some willpower/intelligence and decided I should just toss it. But then I started gnawing on it as I walked to the trash can, and got it half eaten before I tossed the rest; I seriously must have looked like I was in an eating contest.

I ate my meal out as planned: whole rack of ribs & SP fries, though I probably should’ve cut to half a rack given the snacking. Then back at home afterward, I was craving sweets. I almost can’t bear to share this, but I literally plucked that half a waffle from the trash can, reheated it in the microwave, & ate it (granted it was not sitting on anything gross [papers] but still it was in the motherfucking trash). And guess what, surprise, surprise, it was not satisfying! So then I made two more waffles & ate those. And then I grabbed a cookie & my book & vegged on the couch. After finishing my book I was able to just go to bed and forgive the binge.

I am suprised that this happened when I was eating plenty high all week, specifically intending to avoid it. But then again, factor in loneliness due to a missing husband, disappearing sunlight, two straight nights of low-quality sleep, not enough water, plenty of workouts for the week (interestingly, very little of it was running), and a binge result should not be such a surprise. And yet, Friday night talking to Hop, I told him that I had a good week and meant it.

So the question is: how the fuck do I recognize this before it happens?! Because I had many of the same parameters last weekend and yet did not binge then...possibly because it was only my first week back into a deficit so I still had some reserves to draw on? I honestly don't know.

I have to get this figured out, though, because not only are binges bad for fat loss, they leave me fighting GI issues for a couple days, and repeatedly binge-eating can have some very serious physical ramifications. Mentally I obviously have a tendency to beat the shit out of myself for days & days, though this time I'm feeling more "scientific" about it, far less emotional. More like, "Let's figure out what the fuck is happening here and how to avoid it" than "I suck I suck I suck." Perhaps I should re-listen to Leigh Peele's binge series podcast. Definitely couldn't hurt.

Here's a silver lining for the day: I (and now you) learned that the cobb salad at Doolittle's is fucking phenomenal. Dustin had raved about it a while back, and being it was something I could order by only needing to add "No cheese," I went for it. And it was filling, satisfying, and delicious.

Habit update: still doing well. No belly hate so far this weekend, despite the mental beatdown of a binge episode! That's damned impressive for this chica.

Onward and upward from here.

October 28

6a-fr egg, chick saus, 2 sl toast, c reg, Met, fish oil, multi
730a-sm apple
815a-1.5c decaf w/ SF syrup
9a-honeycrisp, 1.5c decaf w/ SF syrup
10a-Kind+ bar (almond & cashew, super delicious!)
115p(PWO)-3oz ham, .5 choco waffle, multi, fish oil
3p-Earnest Eats bar
4p-c Sleepytime tea, 3oz ham, pb cookie
7p-salad, fish oil, multi, Met, greens, yeast, NC
9p-5HTP, Tyrosine

Totals: 2006 cal, 70g fat (14 sat), 235g carbs (27 fiber), 118g protein

October 27

530a-fr egg, chick saus, 2 sl toast, honeycrisp, 2c reg, fish oil, multi, Met
715a-2c decaf, stevia
8a-1.5c decaf, 2T creamer
10a-sm apple
1030-rice cake w/ T Sunbutter
130p(PWO)-honeycrisp, 5oz tuna, 2T mustard, sesame crackers, multi, fish oil
415p-3oz ham
5p(PWO)-2 Starkiss
7p(girls night)-6oz sirloin, sweet potato fries, roasted veg, 5c decaf
930p-fish oil, multi, NC, Met, reds, yeast, 5HTP, Tyrosine

Totals: 2346 cal, 79g fat (15 sat), 243g carbs (34 fiber), 149g protein

One of two high days this week. Thanks to all the carbs & calories, I felt great in two workouts, a solid session w/ Dustin, & a nice hard run after work. Enjoyed supper out with my two old pals Katy & Shari, at a place with the best ribs in my world, but I'm saving them for Saturday night with the parents. This restaurant is NOT a chain, so I went the easy route and picked foods I felt sure would be safe, then said "I have a dairy allergy, is there any reason these foods would be a problem?" Easy peasy. But because I really want the ribs on Saturday, the sauce of which is "iffier" - I'm going to drop an email to the owner who can dig in more easily than the poor waiter at his first night on the job.

Also, I've realized that I should expect to creep up in weight over the week, as I'm eating at maintenance to surplus; the deficit doesn't kick in until Sunday, after all. Just a tweak in perspective there, understanding why my abs are disappearing a bit.

Habit update: doing well! I did catch myself looking down at my belly a few times, but each time I immediately adjusted my gaze & didn't allow any negative thoughts. YAY ME!

Finally, I learned something new in a podcast this morning: when you calculate calories burned in a one-hour workout, whether based on distance or heart rate or something online, it's going to include an hour's worth of BMR calories that you would've burned anyway. So to get your true extra calories burned from the workout, you shouldd subtract your BMR/24. This might only be a 50-calorie difference, but if you work out just 5 hours per week, that is a tenth of a pound each week that you're not losing but expected to, which would add up over time. One little thing to keep in mind if you really dig into the detailed numbers like this girl!

Read This: Steve Reishus

Go read this now, then come on back: The Habit Experiment

I've been thinking about this for two days, and now I'm finally committing. What habit am I trying to change? It's a big one, for me:

Looking down at my belly and then immediately thinking negatively. 

Thoughts like "I'm still fat" or "I hate my belly" or "When the fuck will this fat be gone?!" blah blah blah, you know how your brain runs down those dark alleys of self-hate, so I'm not going to elaborate.

I know that I'm not fat and that I don't even register as overweight anymore. But I still hate my belly. It is the only body part that I am unsatisfied with. Everything else I either love (arms! shoulders! calves!) or at least tolerate (pancake ass) because I know I can hide it or make it look damn fine in clothes (Silver jeans: magical). But my belly? I hate it with a burning fucking passion.

Logically speaking, I know that it's not as bad as I think it is. Hence the habit change: the very reason I think it's so awful is because I'm always viewing it from above. From there, it looks huge, hiding half my damn feet. But when I use a mirror and view from the side, it's never as big as it is from above. I have also discovered that if I look down and then pull my head back just slightly, presto: like magic, the belly disappears. Instead, my chest blocks my feet, and what woman under DD is going to complain about that?

It's about perspective, just like so many other things in life - though usually it's a mental metaphor, whereas I'm talking purely physical in this regard!

So, here's my habit change: whenever I look down and see my belly blocking my feet, rather than letting my brain scamper down dark hateful alleys, I'm going to pull my head back so that I can't see my belly, and instead, think a positive thought (like "I am a beautiful beastly BQ Beans") - and then move on. Fixation over. Back to my day. Back to work or making supper or doing my eyeliner or whatever the fuck.

I can't even project how many negative thoughts will be avoided and how many positive ones will be generated instead. Probably two dozen per day, as pathetic as that may sound. In ten weeks that's 1680 thoughts! Say it's only a 10-second fixation...that's four hateful minutes a day...28 minutes per week...4 hours and 40 minutes in ten weeks. Of self-hate. Where does that get me? Furthermore, what the hell am I doing wasting all that time?

Think for a minute about how much time you (like most of us) spend hating on your body, staring and pinching and poking and twisting and wishing you looked like this. Think how many things you wish you had more time for (reading, relaxing, shopping, running, playing, sleeping) and consider what would happen if you swapped the two.

  • Side tangent: if you're a mother, which activity do you want to teach your daughter to have time for? You can tell her she's beautiful every single day, but if she hears you hating on your body every single day, which do you think is going to stick with her the most? I'm sure your parents told YOU that you were beautiful...do you still believe them?

Come join with me as I join Steve's experiment.

Figure out ONE THING you can do every day to make the rest of your life better.

Commit to it.

Write it down.

Share it with others.

Then go forth and do it. See where it takes you.

October 26

445a-fr egg, chick saus, 2 sl toast, c reg, Met, multi, fish oil
6a-c reg, stevia
7a(PWO)-sm apple
730a-1.5c decaf
10a-2oz jerky
1245p-3oz ham, .25 choco-waffle, rice cake w/ T Sunbutter, 1.5c decaf, fish oil, multi
4p-Kind+ bar, s Sunbutter
730p(PWO)-salad, GF pb cookie, fish oil, multi, Met, greens, NC
930p-Benadryl, 5HTP, Tyrosine

Totals: 1849 cal, 80g fat (15 sat), 164g carbs (25 fiber), 114g protein

I made the decision to fast on Sunday, so that means high days all week, including supper out Thursday with my girls at Sunsets, and Saturday night ribs with my parental units. So today there was room for indulgences, and I really didn't feel restricted at all. Very nice! Even better, I physically felt VERY good, recovered from Dustin yesterday and my kickass morning workout, to the point that yoga was easy peasy!

Mentally I struggled much of the morning, though, as I decided how to broach a very tough subject with my lead. Stay tuned to hear how that turns out.

Acne update: still no cysts, surprisingly. If tomorrow stays clear, something else can be tested. I think I'll go with sucralose (Splenda) as that's one I haven't tracked but seems to be everywhere. Plus, it was in the gum (along w/ aspartame) that I had last week, 3 days before a big ol' cyst popped up.

October 25

530a-2 fr eggs, chick saus, 1.5 sl toast, c reg, Met, fish oil, multi
640a-c reg w/ stevia
730a-1.5c decaf w/ 2T creamer
10a-egg bake, 1.5c decaf
1p(PWO)-4oz chicken, c squash, .5 choco-waffle
3p-sm apple, krill oil, multi
4p-2oz jerky
6p-2 scrambled eggs w/ turkey pepperoni & daiya, multi, fish oil, Met, reds, yeast
730p-.5 choco waffle w/ SF syrup, NC
830p-Benadyl, Tyrosine, 5HTP

Totals: 1884 cal, 68g fat (17 sat), 193g carbs (18 fiber), 116g protein

GOTD is on hiatus, since the deficit is kicking my ass this time around, mentally. It's being affected by the lack of sunlight, regular 4am wake-up calls by Oscar, & a missing husband (Sunday morning to noon yesterday, he put 40 hours in...it's unreal). So for now, "sticking to the plan" is a big enough goal each day.

October 24

445a-fr egg, chick saus, sl toast, c reg, Met, multi, fish oil
6a-c reg w/ stevia
715a(PWO)-2oz jerky
730a-1.5c decaf w/ stevia, 2T coconut creamer
10a-egg bake, 1.5c decaf w/ Equal
1p-salad, 1.5c decaf w/ Equal, multi, krill oil
4p-egg bake, 1.5c decaf w/ Equal
6p-egg white pizza, multi, Met, greens, yeast
8p-half choco-waffle
9p-Benadryl, 5HTP, Tyrosine

Totals: 1576 cal, 51g fat (10 sat), 157g carbs (22 fiber), 121g protein

Acne test in progress...three servings of aspartame in one day. It seems to be affecting my gut (zipping right on through the system), and I've definitely been able to correlate "GI problem foods" with acne, so I highly suspect I'll have an ugly face within a day or two. A depressing way to test things, no?

A big piece of me doesn't even want to test, I want very badly to keep my clear skin, but to spend the rest of my life avoiding all this stuff soley based on suspicion would be senseless.

So, what am I all suspecting/avoiding at this point? A ton:
-dairy (whey in Arctic Zero=okay)
-gluten (wheat, barley, rye)
-corn (HFCS=okay)
-caffeine (2c daily of coffee=okay)
-aspartame (2s daily of Metamucil=okay)
-legumes (peanuts=okay)

See, I can handle the Whole30-style eating 80% of the time, but I want to have that 20% if I can, and right now I basically can't, except for the notes above. It would be pretty god damn sweet not to have to avoid the problem foods when going out to eat, on holidays, etc. Although I'll admit that a small part of me hopes that many of these really are out, so I don't need to use willpower to avoid eating a massive amount of sourdough.

Then there's the part of me that says come November 24, hand me a birthday loaf, motherfucker!


Averages for the first week back at fat loss:
-1818 cal
-64g fat (13 sat) 32%
-185g carbs (29 fiber) 41%
-123g protein 27%
-Down 40%, 1190 cal avg, 8327 total, from last week - this stat is hilarious, due to last week's insanely high levels
-Burned 2741, down 2771 from last week - but that's still a lot, yo!

The scale told me I am down .4 lbs overall, .2 lbs fat, with an impedance +2 from last week, so this is actually a damn solid measurement, and thus kind of depressing. Only .2 lbs fat, that's fucking IT?! Ugh.

Also, consider this: I am up 11.6 lbs from 1/4/11. I would judge a decent amount of that is lean mass (muscle & water), but definitely not all of it. Double ugh.

October 23

6a-.5 protein waffle, .5s SF syrup, 2c reg, Met, multi, fish oil
845a-2oz ham
1130a(PWO)-6oz chicken w/ eggplant, chard, RoTel, s brown rice, sm apple, multi, fish oil
215p-.5 waffle, 3oz egg white crepes w/ t cinnamon, s SF syrup, c decaf, stevia, honeycrisp
4p-oz rice crackers
6p-c Brussels sprouts w/ balsamic, salad, multi, fish oil, Met, reds, yeast
7p-crepes w/ cinnamon, stevia, SF syrup, NC, c Yogi Bedtime tea
830p-Benadryl, 5HTP, Tyrosine

Totals: 1795 cal, 33g fat (6 sat), 248g carbs (41 fiber), 138g protein

I felt pretty awful around 2, literally in tears over my desire to be DONE DIETING and move forward to maintenance, but after eating I felt much better. I realized that Saturday was fairly depleting due to the long run, I didn't follow that with a good night's sleep (woke a ton, thanks a lot Oscar!), and at that point in the day I hadn't really had very many calories either.

Still, no matter how you slice it, operating in a deficit means feeling like crap much of the time, and there's really no way around it.

Anyway, for the rest of the day I leaned more heavily on carbs and those crepes, and the key to the crepes was the syrup:
Only 20 calories for a freaking 1/4 cup, as it's made with Splenda, and the butter flavor is artificial and therefore dairy-free so I can have it. The fine folks at Whole9 would put the hex on this vat of chemicals, but I'm quite in love.

Also, an egg bake tip: I put ground turkey in yesterday's batch, and it landed on top just by way of being done browning after I'd cut up all my vegetables. While baking, that turkey got even more crispy & flavorful. I was literally nabbing pieces off while it cooled. So forget cheese or butter for a nice golden brown crisp, top your food with meat!!

Recipe: Egg White Pizza

ROCK ON: I made a low-cal, low-carb, high-protein mini-pizza this weekend!

3oz liquid egg whites
T Tastefully Simple Tuscany Bread Dipping Mix
1/4c spaghetti or pizza sauce
s Hormel turkey pepperoni
1/4c Daiya "cheese"

Pour your egg whites into a small pan over medium heat, sprinkle w/ spices, put the cover on, and keep an eye on it. When it's done (poofed up and solidified, only profesional & technical terms used 'round here), turn off the heat, spread your sauce, layer on the pepperoni, top with cheese, and put the cover back on. It's done when your cheese is melted; if it's not melting quickly, turn heat back on & it won't take long at all.

Here's the beauty: 289 calories - 14g fat - 15g carbs - 23g protein

Modify however you like. Any Italian spice would work, this was simply in the front of my cupboard. I meant to add green olives, but forgot. Turkey pepperoni gives you all the flavor for comparatively few calories (73 for 17 slices), but you could probably get even lower with Canadian bacon, eh? I used a Prego spaghetti sauce with sausage & garlic, and that sausage added some solid flavor.

This flavor combo could potentially be used to make a kick-ass egg bake, but I haven't tried that yet.

October 22

630a-2 fr eggs, chick saus, 2 sl toast, c reg, Met, multi, fish oil
745a-c reg, stevia
830a-s Ultima, 2/3 Larabar
10a-1/3 Larabar, 2s Ultima
12p-egg white pizza, multi, fish oil, greens
430p-spaghetti*, multi, fish oil, c decaf
8p-bell pepper, 2oz roast beef, honeycrisp
(forgot eve Met, NC, Benadryl, 5HTP, Tyrosine)

Totals: 2047 cal, 90g fat (18 sat), 201g carbs (33 fiber), 88g protein

High carbs due to a long trail run (9.37m).

*The spaghetti was Prego & Tofu Shirataki noodles: made from soy, 40 calories for 2 servings (or in my mind: ONE serving). To make them tasty enough, rinse the fuck out of them, then put them directly into your pan o' sauce & simmer it for a while. Meets spaghetti cravings for a minimal amount of calories/carbs, and with a similar texture. Spaghetti squash is a lot cheaper & gives you more vitamins/minerals, but will take more calories, so it depends on your priority.

October 21

630a-fr egg, chick saus, 2 sl toast, 2c reg, fish oil, multi, Met
930a-small apple, 1/2 waffle & s PB2
1130a-chicken coconut salad, c reg
3p-c cauliflower
415p-s crackers, can tuna, T mayo, fish oil, multi
730p-romaine, carrot, pepper, balsamic, 3oz turkey breast, fish oil, multi, Met, reds, yeast, NC
9p-5HTP, Tyrosine, Benadryl

Totals: 1686 cal, 53g fat (11 sat), 173g carbs (26 fiber), 125g protein

Only did a 2-mile walk/run so this was another fabulous nutrition day.

October 20

6a-2 fr eggs, 2s chick saus, sl toast, Met, multi, fish oil, c reg
730a-c reg
830a-1.5c decaf w/ 2T creamer
10a-banana, 8 almonds, 1.5c decaf w/ flavor drops, krill oil
1p(PWO)-salad (romaine, pepper, carrots, cauliflower, turkey, balsamic), krill oil, multi
430p-1.67oz tuna w/ mayo, rice crackers, krill oil
7p-salad, fish oil, multi, Met, reds, yeast
9p-NC, 5HTP, Tyrosine, Benadryl

Totals: 1758 cal, 71g fat (11 sat), 148g carbs (27 fiber), 132g protein

That's some beautiful nutrition right there, folks.

October 19

430a-fr egg, chick saus, c reg, Met, multi, fish oil
730a(PWO)-¼ waffle, 1.5c decaf, 2T creamer
10a-rice cake w/ T Sunbutter
130p(PWO)-1.67oz tuna, .5T mayo, 2 sl bread, ¼ waffle, multi, krill oil
3p-4oz pork tenderloin
430p-kind+ bar
7p(PWO)-romaine, pepper, pepitas, carrot, 3oz chicken, 2T balsamic, Met, reds, yeast, multi, fish oil
930p-Benadryl, 5HTP, Tyrosine

Totals: 1953 cal, 86g fat (20 sat), 143g carbs (27 fiber), 132g protein

For a three-workout day, this was perfect nutrition.

October 18

6a-fr egg, chick saus, 2 sl toast, t mustard, c reg, Met, reds, yeast, multi, fish oil
7a-1.5c reg
945a-.5c grapes, mini Larabar, lg strawberry, 2 cubes each-honeydew, cantaloupe, pineapple, watermelon, 1.5c decaf w/ stevia
12p-6.5oz jerky, banana, 3c decaf, stevia
3p-mini Larabar, .5 lg strawberry
445p-banana, mini Larbar
630p-1.67oz tuna, .5T mayo, 2 sl bread, c Brussels sprouts w/ balsamic, Met, fish oil, multi
9p-Tyrosine, 5HTP, Benadryl

Totals: 1913 cal, 63g fat (12 sat), 224g carbs (27 fiber), 119g protein

Seminar day with bad planning - shouldn't have brought so many carbs with me. Had I done some kind of workout, this would have been a perfectly fine day.

October 17

GOTD-5s fruits/veg.

5a-2 fried eggs, chick saus, 2 sl toast, c reg, Met, multi, fish oil
715a(PWO)-¼ waffle
8a-1.5c decaf w/ 2T coconut creamer
9a-1.5c reg w/ stevia, 1.5c grapes
12p-4oz pork tenderloin, c squash, fish oil, multi
4p-¼ waffle
6p-2.5oz pork ribs, salad of romaine, pepper, pepitas
7p-Arctic Zero
9p-5HTP, Tyrosine, Benadryl

Totals: 1486 cal, 49g fat (12 sat), 158g carbs (21 fiber), 95g protein

Back to working at fat loss goals.

October 16

GOTD-5s fruits/veg.

9a-2 fr eggs, bacon, waffle w/ SB & AB, c reg, Met, multi, fish oil, lotta SB
2p-few bites chocolate bar, salad (lettuce, bell pepper, daiya, balsamic), 2oz roast beef, ¼ baked potato, waffle w/ AB, c decaf, multi, fish oil
6p-spaghetti, 2 sl toast, mutli, fish oil
8p-¾ waffle, Met, reds, yeast

Totals: 2853 cal, 130g fat (17 sat), 304g carbs (39 fiber), 113g protein

Someone finished off a jar of Sunbutter just because it was there. Otherwise this day would've been right on.

October 15

GOTD-finish the 50k. And I fucking rocked it. Secondary goal of 7:30 finishing time; I did it in 7:05, and felt strong all the way through. Wanna read all about it? Go here.

630a-3oz teriyaki nuggets, 2 blueberry muffins, 1.5c reg, fish oil, multi
715a-c reg
during race-5 cookies, 1 muffin, 2 mini Larabars, a full Larabar, 1.5 bananas, orange wedge, 3 salt tabs, 8s Ultima
post race-2 cookies, 6 pickles, 1 ultra ball
730p-ribs, chicken wings, fries, cole slaw
9p-c brain food

Totals: 5484 cal, 293g fat (86g fat), 551g carbs (43g fiber), 179g protein

Holy shit, right? However, I burned 4100 calories in that race, so this was pretty much right on target.

October 14

GOTD-5s fruits/veg.

6a-3 sl meatza, c reg, Met, fish oil, multi
9a-1.5c decaf w/ stevia
12p-sl meatza, c grapes, roasted veg, multi, krill oil
afternoon snacking-waffle w/ Sunbutter & apple butter, rest of “granola” mix, c brain food
730p-ribs, chicken, fries, few bites each of potato salad, cole slaw, green beans, 2c decaf
9p-fish oil, multi, Benadryl, 5HTP, Tyrosine, Met

Totals: 3787 cal, 215g fat (52 sat), 342g carbs (46 fiber), 141g protein

More pre-50k anxiety eating in afternoon, then just plain old pre-race calorie-loading at supper.

October 13

GOTD-5s fruits/veg.

6a-2 fried eggs, chick saus, 2 sl GF toast, c reg, fish oil, multi, Met
715a-c reg, sm apple
9a-1.5c decaf, 2T coconut creamer
1030a-4oz pork tenderloin, 1.5c decaf
11a-sm apple, krill oil
1p(PWO)-4oz pork tenderloin, yam, c black grapes, krill oil, multi
345p-4oz pork tenderloin, sm banana, krill oil
630p-sl meatza, Met, reds, yeast, multi, fish oil
730p-c Brussels sprouts w/ balsamic
8p-brain food, “granola” w/ almond milk, “PB&J” sandwich
9p-5HTP, Tyrosine, Benadryl

Totals: 2973 cal, 133g fat (27 sat), 314g carbs (44 fiber), 136g protein

Pre-50k anxiety eating.

Read This: Brad Pilon

I've been reading Brad Pilon this morning, mainly because I've been thinking about using his fasting method (Eat Stop Eat) for my next round of fat loss efforts. Daily calorie restriction is getting old. (After 4 years?! You don't say!)

Anyway, he has a great post that has nothing to do with fasting, and everything to do with being awesome. As someone who aspires to be Wonder Woman*, I'm a fan.

Here's an excerpt, and the link:

The most important part of being Awesome is remembering that being Awesome is a choice, and the more time you spend being awesome, the more being awesome becomes second nature.

So remember, you are already awesome, and you can become more awesome with a little practice.

Read it all here: How to be Awesome


*What female wouldn't want to be Wonder Woman? She is (direct quote!) as beautiful as Aphrodite, wise as Athena, stronger than Hercules, and swifter than Mercury. Tell me those don't sound like my goals!

I believe Dustin can make me look this good, but I don't think he'll sign off on the boots.

October 12

GOTD-5s fruits/veg.

515a-c reg, fish oil, multi, Met
6a-sl meatza, c black grapes, c reg
715a(PWO)-banana, krill oil
815a-1.5c decaf
10a-sl meatza, 1.5c decaf, krill oil
1150a-1.5c decaf w/ stevia
1p-sl meatza, roasted veg, krill oil, multi
630p-3 sl meatza, fish oil, multi, Met, reds, yeast
830p-GF cookie
930p-Benadryl, 5HTP, Tyrosine

Totals: 1936 cal, 106g fat (35 sat), 168g carbs (31 fiber), 77g protein

Yesterday I hit a point of being dog tired; brain was okay, but body was shot and I was yawning non-stop. I also realized that I was going to be burning up a half day of PTO this week but still putting in 40 hours at the rate I was going. My only hesitation in leaving early was that it would mean missing yoga, which I really wanted to do; I love it. However, when teaching my morning class, my heart rate stayed quite low (for me), which, if I remember Dustin correctly, is a clear sign of an overstressed body. (What, a 30-mile weekend is stressful? You don't say!) So I took that as a sign that rest was more important than yoga.

At 330, I bailed on work, ran one errand, and then napped for a full two hours. After that, I just lazed on the couch w/ the TV & kitties (& John Berardi's IF "book"). Heavenly. This made a big difference for both brain and body.

Only improvement would've been having Hop home as I'd expected (rain shut down yesterday's pumping operations). But he ended up working late in the shop and coming home at 10pm. Oh well, at least he's enjoying himself despite the insane hours. And I did get to see him at breakfast this morning, which is a rare treat.

All in all, I'm feeling MUCH  more moderated than earlier in the week, when I regularly bounced back & forth from excited to terrified about the 50k. Now I'm just even-keeled. Thinking logistics. A good place to be.

Read This: Precision Nutrition

John Berardi writes about fasting! He goes into great detail, or you can skip to summaries if you're not a freak like me. Either way, if you're at all curious about intermittent fasting, it's a good read.

Check it out here: http://www.precisionnutrition.com/intermittent-fasting

October 11

GOTD-5s fruits/veg.

445a-2 fr eggs, chick saus, yam, 2 ultra balls, c reg, fish oil, multi, 2 FS
645a-c reg
730a-1.5c decaf w/ 2T coconut creamer
830a-1.5c decaf w/ T coconut creamer
10a-14 almonds
1030a-oz pork tenderloin, 3 tiny plums, krill oil
130p(PWO)-3oz pork tenderloin, yam, 2 tiny plums, krill oil, multi
4p-4oz pork tenderloin
6p-4oz pork tenderloin, roasted veg, multi, fish oil, reds, yeast, Met
snacking-meatza & ingredients as I made it
9p-5HTP, Tyrosine, Benadryl

Total: 2356 cal, 109g fat (24 sat), 230 carbs (39 fiber), 124g protein

Another GD snacky evening. This is why I try to avoid cooking during the week!

Tip: taking extra fish oil this week to help the body recover from last weekend as quickly as possible

Bonus: got to bed on time last night (905p, woot!!) AND slept in an extra half hour this morning. Made time for that by skipping my relaxing breakfast and rolling into teach at 628a rather than being 10 minutes early like I usually am (and prefer to be). Not a morning schedule I want to keep, but it worked in a pinch.

October 10

GOTD-5s fruits/veg.

5a-2 fr eggs, bacon, GF choco chip cookie, c reg, fish oil, multi
6a-c reg
8(PWO)a-1.5c decaf w/ stevia, 12 almonds
930a-roasted veg, tiny plum
12p-chick saus, 2 tiny plums, ¼ cantaloupe, 6 almonds, 1.5c decaf, 2 krill oil
415p-banana, 12 almonds
6p-bag almond chips
630p-pollock, roasted veg, fish oil, multi, brewer’s yeast, reds
snacking-granola, ultra balls, T Sunbutter

Totals: 2940 cal, 133g fat (23 sat), 357g carbs (52 fiber), 108g protein

Oops. Only 940 calories over maintenance goals. I'd say half of the wanton snacking was due to 50k anxiety, and the other half was pure biological drive to replenish. I did not go at things with a binge mindset, but I let myself nosh with abandon on new snacks & while testing out a recipe.

Today's weigh-in reflected some awesome swings in water weight. I literally laughed out loud when I saw the results!
Weight: +3.6 lbs
Fat: -5.2 lbs
Lean Mass: +8.8 lbs
Water: +6.4 lbs
Fat %: -4.5%

Again, this is all just insane fluctations in my water levels due to massive carb inhalation over the last week, (242g average!) and some fluid retention due to the massive mileage this weekend. A good reminder that sometimes you have to take the scales readouts with a grain of salt (and a gram of carbs).

October 9

GOTD-5s fruits/veg.

6a-2 chick saus, orange, apple, 2c reg, fish oil, multi, 2 FS
during run-full Larabar, s Ultima
9a(PWO)-2s Ultima
10a-meat roll, meat roll w/ mustard (I was out of bread, so I just rolled up turkey, ham, salami & enjoyed!), apple, few almonds/raisins, fish oil, multi
12p-baby carrots, celery, chick saus
3p-2c black grapes
330p-2 chick saus, GF blueberry muffin w/ honey, yacon syrup, c decaf, fish oil, multi
7p-2 fr eggs, bacon, c decaf, fish oil, multi
730p-Arctic Zero
930p-bite of GF cookie
945p-Tyrosine, 5HTP, Benadryl

Totals: 2334 cal, 96g fat (17 sat), 290g carbs (26 fiber), 129g protein

Looking at this more closely, maybe Saturday calories really are correct, and that's why I was starving yesterday.

But anyway, despite massive physical exertion, I didn't eat any junk that I shouldn't have, and I had a freaking BLAST. Best vacation ever!

October 8

GOTD-5s fruits/veg.

530a-2 sl GF French toast w/ syrup, scrambled egg, 2.5c reg, fish oil, multi
during run-4 mini-Larabars, 2s Ultima
1030a(PWO)-2s Ultima, banana
12p-nut bar, turkey, ham, salami, mayo, mustard on GF toast, .5 trail mix, few grapes
during run-3 mini-Larabars, 2s Ultima
530p(PWO)-2s Ultima, banana
7p-orange, trail mix
8p-multi, fish oil, salad, mixed veg w/ olive oil, 4oz chicken
930p-Tyrosine, 5HTP, Benadryl

Totals: 2469 cal, 123g fat (26 sat), 258g carbs (30 fiber), 93g protein

Feel like this is wrong, like calories had to be higher than this! I tried to keep notes all weekend, but I could've missed something. Put on 20 brutal trail miles, just doesn't seem possible that I only ate at this level and still felt so good!

October 7

GOTD-5s fruits/veg. Going to use this goal all the way through the coming weekend so the body stays healthy & happy.

530a-egg white omelet w/ bacon & bbq sauce, oz chicken, sm apple, c reg, Met, fish oil, multi
7a-c reg w/ stevia
730a-1.5c decaf Americano w/ cinn
915a-1.5c decaf, chick saus
1045a-small apple, 6 almonds
1230p-6oz chicken, c squash, 2 cubes ea pineapple, cantaloupe, honeydew, 4 grapes, small handful peanuts & raisins, krill oil, multi
3p-trail mix
4p-trail mix
730p(PWO)-salad (greens, grape tomatoes, snap peas, baby carrots, balsamic vinaigrette), spaghetti squash, sl GF bread
9p-fish oil, multi, 2 FS
930p-Tyrosine, 5HTP, Benadryl

Totals: 2108 cal, 96g fat (23 sat), 228g carbs (42g fiber), 107g protein

Train & Stay Weekend finally came! Calories were high all weekend to fuel an insane amount of running. Read the reports by clicking through to DailyMile on your right.

October 6

GOTD-skip a meal. I was planning to do this for supper, since initially I was going to do a KITC pumpkin-carving activity with my godchild, which provided a supper I wouldn't be able to eat. Good time to fast, no? But I ended up canceling on Emma so that I could work late/pack for the weekend.

Sidebar: I had debated this decision all morning and felt horrible canceling. Turns out she typically has a lot of homework on Thursdays so her mom was happy. A solid little lesson in why worrying never pays! (I suggested an alternate plan to shop for & decorate our own pumpkins, hopefully we can find a date that works.)

In addition, since I need to be properly fueled up for this weekend & did not have any wild intake to make up for (in my mind), I made the executive decision to ignore the goal. Instead, after leaving work at 7pm (fun times!), and feeling time-crunched, I just bought a container of deli turkey while at Elden's, which I ate on the way home. That's 55g of pure protein, bitches. Oh yeah!

So when I got home, I was able to jump on the packing in my standard fashion: make a pile in the living room, and put off actual packing until morning. I sat down with a pint of Arctic Zero* & Newsweek and relaxed for a half hour. Then I hauled my ass to bed, where I got eight hours of sleep. I say god damn.

I'm in a great place this morning for that reason + leaving at 130p + heading off to frolick in the woods + seeing the sunrise this morning. I think seeing that unearthly orange glow would start every day off wonderfully.( Perhaps I should set an Outlook reminder to leave my damn desk and view the sunrise every day?) In fact, I would go so far as to say I'm feeling a little punchy this morning! Hoping this attitude lasts all weekend, particularly for the benefit of my fellow runners who sure don't deserve bitchyface Sabrina.

Food details:

545a-3c spaghetti squash w/ tomato, sauce, 4oz teriyaki pork tenderloin, c reg, Met, fish oil, multi
645a-c reg
730a-1.5c decaf
10a-4oz pork tenderloin, 1.5c decaf
1p(PWO)-6oz chicken, ¼ [non-disease-carrying] cantaloupe
330p-4oz pork tenderloin, oz homemade jerky (from my delightful friend Joy...it tasted just like a meat market smells, which is: 100% totally fucking delicious), krill oil, multi
730p-10oz deli turkey
8p-pint Arctic Zero, Met, reds, yeast, fish oil, multi, NC
9p-5HTP, Benadryl, Tyrosine

Totals: 1667 cal, 44g fat (12 sat), 147g carbs (30 fiber), 184g protein

Protein for the win!!

*I had previously said this stuff wasn't worth it, that the texture was all wrong. But I have since figured it out: you've got to let it get half melty. After a half hour sitting out, the ice crystals have melted and it's got a thick, creamy texture that will fool your tastebuds! And you can eat the entire god damn pint (because who ever eats a half cup of ice cream) for only 150 calories.

October 5: Addendum

I want to retract the whining in my last post. I do love my job (that's MY job, not Lisa's job; that one I physically hate). I like my team leads; my direct lead is by far the best boss I've ever had, and I wouldn't change a single thing about her. And certainly I am grateful that I even have a job about which to whine, when so many do not. I'm just tired and feeling overworked and underappreciated is all, since this week, while I'm finally back down to one job, it's the most demanding week of the month, made more demanding by a timeline shortened 17%.

Logically I do know my leads appreciate me. And I am fairly confident that I will be monetarily compensated in the form of a nice raise next year. But that's six months away...a little late to feel related to what I've done over the past months. And I don't even really expect actual financial compensation at this time (though it would certainly be nice to actually receive pay for all those extra hours) but . . . something. A free lunch? A free coffee? A goosing?? Words of appreciation verbalized once, briefly, only go so far.

Oh, wait, here I am back to complaining again. I'll just stop now.

In all honesty, it comes down to sleep. I haven't been able to find any time to get in more sleep with this busy work week. Oh, and I believe I've mentioned that I have a physically demanding weekend coming, for which I would ideally be getting a minimum of 9 hours of sleep every night this week. So far, the average is 7h40m.

Allow this accountant to add that up: I'm currently 5h20m behind my goal sleep for the week.

Hence the woe-is-me-ing.

Sleep: it does a body (and brain) good.

October 5

Long day. 11 hours at work. Husband gone pumping at his (new? part time?) job again. Feeling a little "poor me" at the low thanks/recognition I've received at work for half killing myself during Lisa's leave. I've been thanked by all three leads. The Director donated to me the preferred parking that she won for October. And...that's it. Lisa herself has not even thanked me.

Did I make it look too easy? Did I prevent them from noticing that I hated coming to work every god damn day for 9.5 weeks despite the fact that I previously loved coming in, loved my job, looked forward to Mondays? Did they not see my physical disintegration in the form of run failures, back pain, etc? Did they really not notice my decided unfriendly attitude? And can you tell me they didn't notice the long long long hours I put in, in order to get all the necessary work completed? Ah, there's the problem with being salaried...you can work 50+ hours every fucking week and no one knows it.

Anyway, sorry. Bitchfest over. I hope. Need sleep.

GOTD-bonus splurge on a snack. Used that as an excuse to justify excess snacking and test corn, as my husband had corn chips in the cupboard and I had a jar of pineapple salsa. It. Was. Heavenly.

5a-2 fr eggs, 2 sl GF toast, few slices bacon, c reg, Met, fish oil, multi
730(PWO)-plum, 6 almonds, 1.5c decaf
915a-chick saus, 1.5c decaf
12p-sm apple, 12 almonds, krill oil, multi
3p-1.5c decaf, chick saus
7p-salad of tomatoes, lettuce, red pepper, turkey & balsamic, Brussels sprouts w/ balsamic, Met, reds, yeast
730p-banana-raspberry-honey “ice cream,” chips & salsa, NC
9p-5HTP, Tyrosine, Benadryl

Totals: 2143 cal, 96g fat (18 sat), 243g carbs (43 fiber), 95g protein

Read This: Whole9

In case you're wondering why I'm blathering about sleep so much, it's because of a blog post that I keep re-reading about health balance. Find it here: http://whole9life.com/2011/09/whole9-health-equation/

Here's a taste to encourage you to click on over & read:

Go learn the most important math equation of your health. Now.

October 4

5a-2 fr eggs, chick saus, sl GF toast, c reg, fish oil, multi, Met
6a-c reg
7a-2c decaf
9a-sm banana
930a-chick saus
11a-6 almonds
1p(PWO)-4oz pork tenderloin, .75c sweet potato, 6 almonds, krill oil, multi
430p-oz almonds
630p-salad (tomatoes, red pepper, carrots, lettuce, balsamic) & 6oz chicken, fish oil, multi, Met, reds, yeast, .5c frozen banana w/ oz choc almond milk & cinnamon
845p-5HTP, Tyrosine, Benadryl (forgot NC)

Totals: 1711 cal, 74g fat (15 sat), 170g carbs (33 fiber), 102g protein

A good day at work, a good session with Dustin, a happy brain, totally reasonable food intake without even trying.

Still not quite hitting 8 hours in bed, been 15 minutes behind the last two nights. But that's damn close, and tomorrow I can sleep in longer - goal of 8.5 to make up for the last two nights. This is almost guaranteed to keep the happy brain rolling!!

October 3

445a-2 fr eggs, chick saus, fish oil, multi, Met, c reg
550a-c reg w/ cinn, stevia
730a(PWO)-2c decaf w/ mulling spice, stevia, mini-Larabar, 12 almonds
10a-med apple, .5oz almonds
12p-6oz chicken, med orange, fish oil, multi
(dwo)-2s Ultima, mini Larabar
515p-(PWO)-s Ultima, mini Larabar
615p-2 fr eggs, lotta bacon, ¼ cantaloupe, peach w/ cinnamon, fish oil, multi, Met, reds, yeast, c decaf
8p-med apple, NC
9p-Tyrosine, 5HTP, Benadryl

Totals: 2105 cal, 115g fat (26 sat), 183g carbs (35 fiber), 101g protein

This weekend I fully absorbed this quote: A calorie deficit is a recovery deficit. While this is 100% true, I shall take the liberty of modifying this to better suit my own major obstacle: A sleep deficit is a recovery deficit.

My long trail run today was cut in half and involved far more walking than planned. I'm not too concerned that this is a sign I'll tank this weekend at the Train & Stay. However, I am certain that not getting enough sleep will cause me to tank. But getting enough sleep during a shortened close week is one fuck of a massive challenge.

The solution:
-Take away the two-a-day workouts, thus no more running the rest of the week.
-Get in the shower at 8pm every night. No exceptions. This leads to a 9pm bedtime, which gives me 8 hours in bed, since I'm always up at 5am these days.
-Aim to sleep in later on Thursday & Friday.
-Be more productive at work (read: stop fucking off) so that sleeping in is possible.
-Don't worry about calories. Keep the fucking nuts & nut butters out of the house, and maintenance will take care of itself.

October 2

815a-hb egg, med apple, s peanut butter, 2c reg
10a-trail mix
1p-fish oil, multi, Met
3p-tomatoes, carrots, cauliflower, celery, w/ balsamic, 4oz pork tenderloin w/ T Bayou Bourbon, ¼ cantaloupe, fish oil, multi
4p-PB2 & honey sandwich
7p-2 Met, 8oz pork tenderloin w/ T Bayou Bourbon, steamed broccoli & carrots w/ balsamic, NC
9p-Tyrosine, 5HTP, Benadryl

Totals: 1759 call, 67g fat (13 sat), 198g carbs (31 fiber), 98g protein

I finally spent 8 hours in bed, but it was a hotel bed and thus not good sleep. Woke at 6, at 7, and finally got up at 8. Ate and immediately packed to get my cranky ass home. Where I took a three-hour nap, much-interrupted by two active kittehs. Thus overeating once I got up. Since I was still tired, I postponed my long trail run to Monday and took it easy.

October 1

630a-Met, fish oil, multi
7a-2c reg, 9oz deli turkey, 2 hb eggs, sm apple
9a-trail mix, few grapes, deli ham
12p-3oz jerky
2p-Sobe, trail mix bar
330p-orange, few grapes, oz chips
530p-salad w/ dressing, 3oz mango chicken, 4oz tri tip
630p to 11p-4oz peanuts, few Reese’s Pieces, Jelly Bellys, 1.5c reg, c decaf
11p-fish oil, multi, Met, reds, yeast, NC, 5HTP, Benadryl, Tyrosine

Totals: 2801 cal, 124g fat (21 sat), 264g carbs (36 fiber), 179g protein

Another long day full of wasted time, not enough sleep, crankypants annoyed mindset, constipation, a sore back due to standing in heels all god damned day, and thus snacking snacking snacking.

Oh, and my lovely cousin got married in a lovely ceremony. Don't mind me, I'm just playing the part of the bitchy bridesmaid who would give her pinky for a two-hour nap and no food allergies. Whoever put the peanuts out on the snack table should be shot. I could not. stop. eating. them.

September 30

545a-stir fry egg white omelet, chick saus, c reg, multi, fish oil, Met
645a-c reg
815a(PWO)-6 almonds
9a-egg bake, chick saus, 1.5c decaf w/ stevia, flavor drops
11a-med apple
1p(PWO)-egg bake, chick saus, baby carrots, celery, cauliflower
130p-fish oil, multi, few peanuts
2p-.625oz jerky
330p-1.5c decaf, .5c reg, Kind+ bar
430p-plum, SoBe, multi, fish oil
9p-salad w/ balsamic, 3c decaf, 2oz chicken breast, c green beans, 2c mashed potatoes, apple & orange slices, dr cranberries, frozen raspberries
1145p-Met, reds, yeast, fish oil, multi, Benadryl, 5HTP, Tyrosine

Totals: 2043 cal, 68g fat (11 sat), 271g carbs (51g fiber), 115g protein

This ended up being a pretty shitty day. Highlights:
-Early morning workout was awesome but physically draining.
-An awful half-day of work was mentally draining.
-Running hills was probably something I should've skipped.
-Trip to Cities to be in a wedding. Massive levels of annoyance at (1) all the wasted time waiting for people, one of my top pet peeves; (2) rehearsal dinner at Buca di Beppo, an absolutely terrible fucking restaurant for someone with food allergies - yes they had food for me, but each time my serving came at least 5-10 minutes after everyone else's courses were passed around in front of my sad little eyes; and (3) finally being able to go to bed at midnight after such a shitty day.