Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Days 32-34

On Friday I made big promises to share some breakthrough "holy shit this is pure genius" insights on Saturday. I did not get around to it, clearly. And why not? I really can't say. I was gone & busy Saturday morning but spent most of the day being a lazy fucking slug. And generally, if I'm acting like a slug, I truly do need it. Even sitting at a computer putting together coherent thoughts seemed like too much work. And Sunday I was busy again.

So here it is: during my extensive Friday driving, I listened to two podcasts by a brilliant woman named Leigh Peele. They were about binge eating. They hit me really fucking hard, as you can imagine. In fact, I listened to her "Before the Binge" episode twice. The first time, I was literally wiping up tears in recognition of the fully-depleted state she talked about. It gave so many strategies that I feel confident I’m on a new level now. Finally. I listened to the pre-binge podcast the second time on the way home, and when she said something I wanted to note, I called my work phone to leave a voice mail. (Hey, it was safer than trying to write notes while driving!)

And here is what I picked up (if you have binge tendencies, I recommend listening to it to see what YOU pick up):
  • To avoid binges, you need to cycle calories. Plan the “binge” you are allowed to have (and need to have) before having the one you shouldn’t.
  • Get rid of “all or nothing” mentality.
  • If someone hurts your feelings or makes you feel shitty or whatever, get back at them with SUCCESS.
  • In the moment of a binge, tell myself (I am printing this out to take home):
    • If you do this, it’s going be that much longer before you reach maintenance. You’re not negating the last week so much as you are adding another week of dieting.
    • Your top goal right now is a beautiful marathon. A binge detracts from that; the heavier you are, the slower you run; and if you binge near a long run, your brain will not be in the proper state to face that challenge.
    • Nobody is forcing you to do this. Not Dustin or Heather or Hop. Just you. You want this, and it’s worth it. It’s worth having a body you are happy with, and you are strong enough to get there again. Past Sabrina & future Sabrina are worth the sacrifice.
    • If you binge you have to fast on Monday. Which means being tired. Which means extra caffeine. Which means acne. Is what you’re about to eat truly worth a faceful of acne for the next two weeks? No. NOTHING IS.
    • If you’re feeling binge-y, you are physically depleted, which is a physical state of need. You need calories and rest, but you don’t need to eat junk or to overeat something healthy. Your body needs a reasonable amount of healthy calories with balanced macros; water; and quality sleep. Drink a bunch of water, eat a big ass salad, and then go to bed. Period.
    • If you did binge, if you got so completely depleted that your brain couldn’t stop it, it wasn’t a failure of willpower. Don’t beat yourself up for the binge. But it was a failure to appropriately plan for a re-feed. Learn from that mistake and avoid it in the future. Forgive & forget the binge itself; put it in a drawer and walk away, in baby steps if need be. Forward motion is forward motion.
And here are my specific cycling plans:
  • Plot out a 3500-calorie deficit per week. Achieve it however. Basic goal for each day: (1750-500) + (burned), BUT adjust based on social plans, etc, and be sure that Wed/Thurs and Sat are maintenance or close to it.
  • If a workout is canceled or reduced, don’t worry about making up the reduced deficit. Eat as planned, except for lost long runs; if reduced more than 1000 cal, drop intake at least 50% of lost expenditure.
  • Can fast on Mondays to make up for the weekend if there was overeating but don’t make it a weekly crutch or a justification for binges.
  • 90% of intake follows Whole9 rules (no dairy, grains, legumes, alcohol, limit added sweeteners & caffeine). 10% of intake can be pure junk. FUCK IT. For now, let the calories come from wherever. Keep carbs low (except post-intense WO) but focus more on overall calories.
  • Every 5 weeks, plan a full maintenance-level week. 4 weeks on, 1 week off.

And that's all I've got time to share for now.

Friday food details:
630a-egg white omelet, chick saus, sl WW toast w/ margarine, c reg w/ T creamer, .5 fish oil, D, zinc, adrenal, Met, MA
7a-c reg w/ T creamer, cinnamon
10a-c reg w/ creamer, half lemon cookie
12p-2c snap peas, c strawberries, 3 pumpkin pancakes
1p-1.5c reg, 2oz honey Dijon chips, ClifBar Macadamia Nut
430p-3oz jerky
6p-6 almonds
730p-chocolate PB2 crepes w/ banana, c reg w/ creamer, zinc, adrenal, Met, MA, BSM
830p-2c strawberries
10p-Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 2072 cal, 62g fat (9 sat), 256g carbs (44 fiber), 144g protein – goal of 1375

Saturday food details:
6a-2-egg omelet w/ onions, salsa, garlic, 5 sl bacon, 2 sl toast, c reg w/ creamer, BSM, D, zinc, adrenal, Met
8a-c reg w/ creamer
10a (PWO)-c frozen cherries, 1 pancake
11a-2c reg w/ creamer
12p-chicken & broccoli
1p-diet A&W, crispy
4p-salad w/ strawberries, balsamic, PB&J sandwich, small apple, oz pita chips
7p-2s chips & salsa, meat fajita (no tortilla/rice), iced tea
8p-Met, adrenal, BSM, zinc
10p-Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 2884 cal, 111g fat (22 sat), 292g carbs (54 fiber), 155g protein – goal of 2000

Sunday food details:
4a-2 fr eggs, 4 chick saus links, 2 sl toast, Met, D, zinc, adrenal, c decaf w/ creamer
6a(pre)-T Sunbutter, slice SP pie, e tab, ¼ diluted 5-hour energy drink
7a(5 m)-e tab, ¼ SB sandwich, slice SP pie
8a(10m)-2 e-tabs, ¾ SB sandwich
930a(post)- remaining 5-hour energy
11a-pizza (flatbread, sauce, tomatoes, chicken, fake cheese), c decaf w/ creamer, crispy
2p-can diet coke
3p-can diet coke
5p-can diet pepsi, 4oz pork, .5c baked beans, pickles, grapes, baby carrots, celery
8p-crispy, c decaf w/ creamer, Met, zinc, BSM, adrenal, DX7
930p-Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 2627 cal, 100g fat (23 sat), 303g carbs (50 fiber), 150g protein – goal of 1925

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