Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 43

GOTD was a reward: have a pop! After craving it like mad on my denied day, Wednesday, this was perfect timing.

6a-2 fried eggs, 2 sl bacon, c reg, Met, D, zinc, adrenal, fish oil
8a-1.5c reg
845a-pure organic bar
11a-Americano w/ SF syrup, 3s apple chips, 12 almonds
1p-5oz honey chipotle salmon, .5c cherries, 3s apple chips, can pop, adrenal, fish oil
330p-3oz beef
630p-salad w/ balsamic, 5oz salmon, bag apple chips, fish oil, adrenal, multi, zinc, Met
9p-6 almonds, Tyrosine, 5HTP, NC

Totals: 2140 cal, 79g fat (17 sat), 270g carbs (45 fiber), 107g protein – goal of 1750 but I was feeling snacky, my sleep has been shitty, and so I went with a maintenance day.

No concerns, even though this weekend I expect to eat at or above maintenance both Fri/Sat (girls' weekend!) and I canceled Friday's run due to a sore, tight body. I have a more forgiving mindset here, and I love it.

Also, you may notice I'm eating a lot of junk that I previously swore off completely. I'm giving up the commitment to Whole9-approved foods for a while and instead adopting Leigh Peele's mindset of eating whatever it takes to keep the brain happy in a deficit. The priority is the deficit. Certainly I'm still stocking my house with good choices, organic Ploughshare vegetables, etc, but there will be no mental beatdowns for eating "unclean" food. The calorie count is the only part that really matters.

When I transition to maintenance (please all ye gods let this be soon), I'll work on being an A+ Whole9 student again.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 42

26-hour fast. Felt fantastic! It was good to discover an alternative to just all-day Monday. I created a calorie deficit of 2500, so I can go into girls' weekend without guilt or worry. Pure bliss!


GOTD is yesterday’s failed “eat nothing processed” PLUS “do not preplan your calories” - success! But not pre-planning was easy; since I was fasting most of the day I really couldn't blow my calories out of the water.

6a-c reg, fish oil, multi, D, zinc, yeast, Met
630a-c reg w/ cinnamon
730a-1.5c reg
9a-Americano w/ cinnamon [this was at the coffee shop; I really wanted my usual SF brown sugar cinnamon syrup, but sorry, that's processed - and Tammy said, "Hey, you want me to sprinkle in some cinnamon?" Hell YEAH! Good to know in the future, too!]
11a-1.5c decaf
3p-1.5c decaf, med apple, oz almonds, sm orange, fish oil, adrenal
430p-oz almonds
730p-5oz chicken breast,3 pineapple chunks, .5c cherries, fish oil, adrenal, zinc, Met
8p-med apple
1030p-Tyrosine, 5HTP

Totals: 1010 cal, 39g fat (3 sat), 120g carbs (34 fiber), 56g protein – goal of 2000

Get off your ass!





Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Days 36-41

Ups & downs.

Thursday –
6a-2 fried eggs, 4oz pork roast, 2 sl toast, c reg w/ creamer, fish oil, D, zinc, adrenal, DX7
7a-c reg w/ cinnamon
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-med apple, 12 almonds
1030a-8oz peas
1245p(PWO)-bagel w/ turkey, fish oil, adrenal
2p-almond ice cream bar
330p-sm apple, maple almond butter
630p-stir fry, fish oil, adrenal, zinc, DX7, 2c blueberries, s tortilla chips & salsa
830p-pb cookie, NC
930p-Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 2399 cal, 88g fat (15 sat), 266g carbs (54 fiber), 144g protein – goal of 1750

Friday –
6a-2 fried eggs, hot dog, c reg, fish oil, D, zinc, adrenal, DX7
7a-c reg w/ cinn
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
10a-1.5c decaf, 2c blueberries
11a-cherry cashew bar
1p(PWO)-PB2 chicken stir fry, banana, adrenal, fish oil, can d coke
630p-PB2 chicken stir fry, bag peas, adrenal, fish oil, zinc, Met
8p-bag kettle corn
9p-Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 2009 cal, 61g fat (11 sat), 232g carbs (49 fiber), 140g protein – goal of 1650

Saturday –
530a-2 fried eggs, sliced turkey, 2 sl toast, banana, c reg, fish oil, D, zinc, adrenal, DX7, Met
630a-c reg
830a-kind+ bar
1130a(PWO)-pure organic bar
1p(Warrior Dash)-turkey leg, 16oz beer [Those giant turkey legs are 1100 calories. Holy shit. I had no idea!]
3p-bottle cherry coke zero, can almonds [Can of almonds: 1170 calories. Did not even cross my mind  that there were 6 servings in my tasty snack. Shitballs!]
4p-3 cookies, can c-free diet coke
7p(Red Lobster)-garden salad w/ balsamic, 2 tilapia fillets, baked potato w/ pico de gallo, 2 glasses diet coke [I asked the waitress for their allergen menu to avoid dairy. She was full of suggestions on best preparation, a tasty potato topping, and even thought about leaving the croutons off the salad. She got a 25% tip!]
11p-sweet potatoes, sl bread, snickerdoodle cookie, c cherries, fish oil, zinc, Met, adrenal [Over-tired & under-hydrated stupidity eating. I say god damn.]
1230a-Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 4777 cal, 226g fat (19 sat), 338g carbs (61 fiber), 252g protein – goal of 2050

Sunday –
7a-2 fried eggs, sl turkey, 2 sl toast, c reg, sm banana, fish oil, zinc, D, adrenal, multi, Met
11a-hot dog, salad w/ balsamic, sm apple
6p-giant porterhouse steak, .5c peas, .5c sweet corn, c mushrooms & onions in Merlot sauce, fish oil, zinc, adrenal, Met
9p-Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 1550 cal, 61g fat (18 sat), 131g carbs (26 fiber), 120g protein – goal of 1250

Monday –
530a(pre-run)-salad w/ balsamic, c reg, fish oil, Met, zinc, D, multi, adrenal
610-9a(during run)-3 SP bars, 3s Ultima
930a-3-egg omelet w/ almond milk & salsa, c reg, fish oil
1030a-Americano w/ SF syrup
12p-fish oil, adrenal
1p-bag peas, orange, c decaf, .5c reg w/ stevia
2p-12 almonds
330p-can diet ch coke, Prana bar
7p-3oz burger, greens w/ balsamic, fish oil, zinc, adrenal
730p-homemade oatmeal crème pie
9p-Met, yeast, 5HTP, Tyrosine
Totals: 1706 cal, 67g fat (14 sat), 190g carbs (44 fiber), 95g protein – goal of 2055

Tuesday –
Goal Of The Day* was to eat nothing processed ... and I FAILED on day one! Oops.
6a-3-egg omelet w/ 4T salsa, c reg, fish oil, zinc, D, adrenal, multi, Met
7a-c reg
8a-1.5c reg
9a-oz almonds
10a-c reg
11a-6oz snap peas, can d pepsi [goal fail; I just wasn't even thinking when I fetched it; and diet pop is probably the most processed thing in the world!]
1p(PWO)-6oz chicken w/ pineapple chunks, SP bar, fish oil, adrenal
10p-fish oil, adrenal, zinc, 5HTP, Tyrosine, Met
Totals: 876 cal, 38g fat (6 sat), 51g carbs (19 fiber), 77g protein – goal of 1750 (24-hour fast began after lunch)


GOTD: I created an Excel spreadsheet that gives me a random goal each day that is small & achievable. Interested in making one for yourself? Email me and I'll send the template to you.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 35

Wednesday tips:

Completely skipped all-team sampling because of all the dairy things I couldn’t eat and unhealthy things I just plain shouldn't – it was better for the brain to simply avoid it all than to have to walk through, pick & choose, and feel deprived.

Without a lunch workout, I am liking 4 meals a day rather than 3 meals + 3 snacks. I eat at about 6am, 1030am, 3pm, & 7pm.

Last night I was pretty snacky, and had to be in the kitchen making  salads & stir-fry, so I made it a maintenance day. This will most likely be a regular Wednesday thing, as the evening speedwork often leaves me ravenous.

Also, I figured out how to make tasty beets: peel them. Oh yeah, I’m a fucking genius!

6a-2 fried eggs, 2 sl bacon, 2 sl toast, c reg w/ creamer, fish oil, D, zinc, adrenal, BSM, DX7
7a-c reg w/ creamer, cinn
8a-1.5c reg
1045a-6oz chicken, c sweet potato, sm banana
330p-2 pancakes, stir fry, adrenal, fish oil
7p(PWO)-2 fried eggs, 4oz roast pork, 2 sl toast, T honey mustard, 2c decaf w/ creamer, pb cookie, 2 crepes (egg white, PP spice, caramel sprinkle), 2 beets, adrenal, fish oil, DX7, zinc
10p-Tyrosine, 5HTP

Totals: 2168 cal, 76g fat (16 sat), 193g carbs (43 fiber), 169g protein – goal of 1600

Read This: Precision Nutrition

Summary: Most people assume that getting in shape – or staying in shape – requires hours of weekly exercise and rigid meal planning. Not true. Minimalistic exercise plans and flexible nutritional guidelines can work equally well – sometimes better – as these Precision Nutrition experiments demonstrate.


Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 34

My life in Payroll Hell begins today. Happy for Lisa, sad for me and my stress levels.

This blog will likely suffer; I expect it will boil down to food details only. You'll survive. If you have questions, post a comment, I'll happily explain any weird shorthand.
6a-2 fried eggs, 4oz roast pork, c reg, fish oil, D, zinc, adrenal, BSM, DX7
7a-c reg w/ creamer, cinnamon
8a-1.5c reg
930a-apple, T Sunbutter, 1.5c decaf
11a-.5oz brain food
1p(PWO)-2 slices French toast, fish oil, adrenal
330p-sm apple, T Sunbutter
6p-6 almonds
7p-2 fried eggs, 4oz roast pork, 2 sl toast, 2c decaf w/ creamer, 100-cal Almond Dream ice cream cookie, fish oil, D, zinc, adrenal, BSM
9p-6 almonds, NC, Tyrosine, 5HTP

Totals: 2053 cal, 92g cat (16 sat), 176g carbs (39 fiber), 128g protein – goal of 1850

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 33

Brain dump again; work is bizzzy.


8.5 hours in bed. Slept very well. Woke ½ hour before alarm! Fasting to make up for weekend. Fine physically, and doing well mentally even with knee concerns. No noon workout. ~2pm started getting tried, cranky, impatient; 230p felt REALLY tired. Coffee helped. 430p-just truly didn’t feel good. Ate some snacks & felt better.

Eve yoga was easy, which felt good, but I just couldn’t relax my brain, so it kind of felt like wasted time.

Afterward I had a text from the hubster that my kitty Clyde was locked in my closet all day and I needed to check my clothes – first I was ready to cry (bridesmaid dress, fuck fuck fuck!) then I was raging mad at Hop for sending a text rather than telling me at home when I could DO something about it – then I was ready to cry again. Realized that was a sign that I should eat a meal. Computer, laziness, went to bed early.

6a-c reg, Met, D, zinc, adrenal, 2 DX7
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
12p-1.5c decaf w/ stevia, adrenal
130p-fish oil
230p-1.5c reg w/ stevia
430p-Tanka bar
5p-Kind+almond/apricot bar
7p-salad w/ balsamic, 4oz roast pork, fish oil, Met, zinc, adrenal
830p-.5oz brain food
930p-Tyrosine, 5HTP

Totals: 783 cal, 34g fat (9 sat), 66g carbs (21 fiber), 53g protein – goal of 1550

Weight is up .2 lbs, nothing to worry about. I see small visible changes, and feel like my brain is in charge again.

BUT: October 1 bridesmaid dress is so god damned tight that I literally can’t take a deep breath. Must make real progress over the next 10 weeks!

This week I’m cutting back on my workouts. More rest, few calories, see if that eases up acne, binge, sleep issues.

Recipe: Chocolate Banana Crepes

Chocolate Banana Crepes
20 Minutes to Prepare and Cook


8oz Liquid Egg Whites
2T Truvia Natural Sweetener
2T Hershey's Natural Unsweetened Cocoa Powder
3T Chocolate PB2
1T Pumpkin pie spice

Topping (included in nutritional values):
2T Chocolate PB2
1 small banana


Blend ingredients for crepes, cook as you would pancakes.

Mix 2T CPB2 with enough water to make it runny and drizzle over crepes along with sliced banana.

Makes 5-6 6" crepes. 1 very filling serving, or 2 reasonable servings - and good for either dessert or breakfast!

Nutritional Info for entire recipe
  • Calories: 364.6
  • Total Fat: 4.8 g
  • Cholesterol: 0.0 mg
  • Sodium: 559 mg
  • Total Carbs: 58.6 g
  • Dietary Fiber: 7.8 g
  • Protein: 37.4 g

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Days 32-34

On Friday I made big promises to share some breakthrough "holy shit this is pure genius" insights on Saturday. I did not get around to it, clearly. And why not? I really can't say. I was gone & busy Saturday morning but spent most of the day being a lazy fucking slug. And generally, if I'm acting like a slug, I truly do need it. Even sitting at a computer putting together coherent thoughts seemed like too much work. And Sunday I was busy again.

So here it is: during my extensive Friday driving, I listened to two podcasts by a brilliant woman named Leigh Peele. They were about binge eating. They hit me really fucking hard, as you can imagine. In fact, I listened to her "Before the Binge" episode twice. The first time, I was literally wiping up tears in recognition of the fully-depleted state she talked about. It gave so many strategies that I feel confident I’m on a new level now. Finally. I listened to the pre-binge podcast the second time on the way home, and when she said something I wanted to note, I called my work phone to leave a voice mail. (Hey, it was safer than trying to write notes while driving!)

And here is what I picked up (if you have binge tendencies, I recommend listening to it to see what YOU pick up):
  • To avoid binges, you need to cycle calories. Plan the “binge” you are allowed to have (and need to have) before having the one you shouldn’t.
  • Get rid of “all or nothing” mentality.
  • If someone hurts your feelings or makes you feel shitty or whatever, get back at them with SUCCESS.
  • In the moment of a binge, tell myself (I am printing this out to take home):
    • If you do this, it’s going be that much longer before you reach maintenance. You’re not negating the last week so much as you are adding another week of dieting.
    • Your top goal right now is a beautiful marathon. A binge detracts from that; the heavier you are, the slower you run; and if you binge near a long run, your brain will not be in the proper state to face that challenge.
    • Nobody is forcing you to do this. Not Dustin or Heather or Hop. Just you. You want this, and it’s worth it. It’s worth having a body you are happy with, and you are strong enough to get there again. Past Sabrina & future Sabrina are worth the sacrifice.
    • If you binge you have to fast on Monday. Which means being tired. Which means extra caffeine. Which means acne. Is what you’re about to eat truly worth a faceful of acne for the next two weeks? No. NOTHING IS.
    • If you’re feeling binge-y, you are physically depleted, which is a physical state of need. You need calories and rest, but you don’t need to eat junk or to overeat something healthy. Your body needs a reasonable amount of healthy calories with balanced macros; water; and quality sleep. Drink a bunch of water, eat a big ass salad, and then go to bed. Period.
    • If you did binge, if you got so completely depleted that your brain couldn’t stop it, it wasn’t a failure of willpower. Don’t beat yourself up for the binge. But it was a failure to appropriately plan for a re-feed. Learn from that mistake and avoid it in the future. Forgive & forget the binge itself; put it in a drawer and walk away, in baby steps if need be. Forward motion is forward motion.
And here are my specific cycling plans:
  • Plot out a 3500-calorie deficit per week. Achieve it however. Basic goal for each day: (1750-500) + (burned), BUT adjust based on social plans, etc, and be sure that Wed/Thurs and Sat are maintenance or close to it.
  • If a workout is canceled or reduced, don’t worry about making up the reduced deficit. Eat as planned, except for lost long runs; if reduced more than 1000 cal, drop intake at least 50% of lost expenditure.
  • Can fast on Mondays to make up for the weekend if there was overeating but don’t make it a weekly crutch or a justification for binges.
  • 90% of intake follows Whole9 rules (no dairy, grains, legumes, alcohol, limit added sweeteners & caffeine). 10% of intake can be pure junk. FUCK IT. For now, let the calories come from wherever. Keep carbs low (except post-intense WO) but focus more on overall calories.
  • Every 5 weeks, plan a full maintenance-level week. 4 weeks on, 1 week off.

And that's all I've got time to share for now.

Friday food details:
630a-egg white omelet, chick saus, sl WW toast w/ margarine, c reg w/ T creamer, .5 fish oil, D, zinc, adrenal, Met, MA
7a-c reg w/ T creamer, cinnamon
10a-c reg w/ creamer, half lemon cookie
12p-2c snap peas, c strawberries, 3 pumpkin pancakes
1p-1.5c reg, 2oz honey Dijon chips, ClifBar Macadamia Nut
430p-3oz jerky
6p-6 almonds
730p-chocolate PB2 crepes w/ banana, c reg w/ creamer, zinc, adrenal, Met, MA, BSM
830p-2c strawberries
10p-Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 2072 cal, 62g fat (9 sat), 256g carbs (44 fiber), 144g protein – goal of 1375

Saturday food details:
6a-2-egg omelet w/ onions, salsa, garlic, 5 sl bacon, 2 sl toast, c reg w/ creamer, BSM, D, zinc, adrenal, Met
8a-c reg w/ creamer
10a (PWO)-c frozen cherries, 1 pancake
11a-2c reg w/ creamer
12p-chicken & broccoli
1p-diet A&W, crispy
4p-salad w/ strawberries, balsamic, PB&J sandwich, small apple, oz pita chips
7p-2s chips & salsa, meat fajita (no tortilla/rice), iced tea
8p-Met, adrenal, BSM, zinc
10p-Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 2884 cal, 111g fat (22 sat), 292g carbs (54 fiber), 155g protein – goal of 2000

Sunday food details:
4a-2 fr eggs, 4 chick saus links, 2 sl toast, Met, D, zinc, adrenal, c decaf w/ creamer
6a(pre)-T Sunbutter, slice SP pie, e tab, ¼ diluted 5-hour energy drink
7a(5 m)-e tab, ¼ SB sandwich, slice SP pie
8a(10m)-2 e-tabs, ¾ SB sandwich
930a(post)- remaining 5-hour energy
11a-pizza (flatbread, sauce, tomatoes, chicken, fake cheese), c decaf w/ creamer, crispy
2p-can diet coke
3p-can diet coke
5p-can diet pepsi, 4oz pork, .5c baked beans, pickles, grapes, baby carrots, celery
8p-crispy, c decaf w/ creamer, Met, zinc, BSM, adrenal, DX7
930p-Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 2627 cal, 100g fat (23 sat), 303g carbs (50 fiber), 150g protein – goal of 1925

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 31

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday: good.
Thursday: small mental breakdown. Yep, right on schedule!

8.25 hours in bed. Slept better but woke 1, 4, 5 – fell back quickly each time. Windows were open again BUT this time I used ear plugs. Genius. Woke up at 550 naturally. Feeling better mentally and physically!

My session was good, even with modifications (for my shoulder/foot/calf) which usually bum me out. Dustin even told me to skip my Friday morning 6-miler at MP in order to give my foot maximum healing time before Sunday's 20, and STILL I felt good & left on a high note.

And then...

On the [short] drive back to work, I broke down. Crying in my car, crying in the locker room, ugh UGH UGH. What happened is I recalled a comment that a coworker friend had made yesterday about it being good to see me fail (made in regards to me struggling while having to do two jobs when Lisa is on FMLA) "for us normal people.” At the time it was like a punch in the gut but I kind of forgot about it. Until that moment, when it made me feel perfectly awful.

I get what she meant; it’s like “hating” the popular girl in high school when really you just want to be her - and obviously she doesn’t know how very, very much I’m struggling right now (this summer...this year...) - but it just reinforced my fear that failure is inevitable while Lisa’s gone. Like I’m going to end up right where I was for the first 2 months of tax season, and I can’t survive going back there again, and especially not while training for a killer marathon time. I don’t know why it hit me so hard, and so immediately after leaving NSS on a high note, but it did. God damn it all.

And then I got upset because my Thursday calories were now going to be way over without a Friday run, and I need to eat just 1375 calories Friday, a fucking weekend (I took the day off). How the fuck can I do that?

So, down in the dumps. But soon I felt much better after emailing details of this freakout to two of my wondertastic girls, Heather & Joy, and getting amazingly understanding, supportive, funny, and "you got this" responses. I won't pretend I was magically better and positive and confident. But I realized I wasn't alone and abandoned, staring at the flat face of an impossible mountain. The mountain didn't change, but I had peeps at my side, and they actually had climbing gear. I still have to climb on my own, but they can help me. And I knew this already, but sometimes I have to be reminded.

If you don't have people like this in your life, find them. Surround yourself with them. Lean on them, and let them lean on you. Feed them equal parts love and support and asskicking workouts and healthy recipes and clean desserts, as they are priceless fucking gems and you want them to live forever. But for the love of Pete, remember to USE THEM. When you're down, when you're out, when everything in your life totally fucking sucks and you want to throw in the towel, tell them. Call, email, text, pass a note, send up smoke signals, whatever: they can't help you if they don't know you're struggling. ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED.

Just like the coworker friend who hurt my feelings: she has had no idea I'm still struggling. She knew I tanked in tax season, but as far as she knew, things were again coming easy to me. (And in her mind, they always have come easily to me. False!) It would kill her to know how much her comment hurt me, because she is a very sensitive soul, and certainly did not mean to make me feel badly. I can't even tell her, "Hey, you made me cry yesterday, because I'm not this confident successful person you picture me to be," without making her feel terrible for it. But since that comment, we've talked about our mutual nutrition challenges and I shared my 10-day binge-fest & the weight I gained; I've made it clear that I'm not a fucking superstar these days, not worth envying by any stretch. And I don't think I'll hear hurtful comments from her again; in fact, I feel pretty confident she's going to be one of my top cheerleaders during Payroll Hell. Remember: people can not help you if they don't know you need it!

After work, I did a 30-minute metabolic workout  w/ Amy. It was fairly easy, since I modified all jumping stuff for my foot. After that, I went to girls’ night with my Sauk besties. It was healthy other than angel food cake, but I felt crappy. If I put my head down, like to scratch my forehead w/o lifting my hand, I had major vertigo. That was weird. And at 830pm, WHAM, I was totally depleted, yawning & ready for bed. On the drive home I just kept telling myself, "When you get home, wash your face, brush your teeth, and go to bed. Don't eat. You don't need food. You just ate. You're full. You need sleep." And at home I managed to get my ass straight to bed like a good girl, no food whatsoever!

All of the above, from the afternoon breakdown to the 830pm energy wall, is a sign of complete physical depletion that I have been hitting, over and over, without recognizing that it's inevitable I will keep hitting it unless I change my habits.

...and that's what those in the business call foreshadowing. Tune in tomorrow when I share some breakthrough "holy shit this is pure genius" insights that I learned from am invaluable li'l podcast recommended by Dustin, now Person Of The Year in my book. It's about binges, and I literally cried in recognition of my own pathetic self as I listened to it. I'm full of strategies for the future, and I'll be sharing them with you, my 3 loyal readers.

Food details:
6a-4 crepes, T PB2, T CPB2, c reg w/ T creamer, fish oil, D, zinc, adrenal, Met, MA
7a-c reg w/ T creamer, cinnamon; 8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-2 pumpkin pancakes w/ .25c applesauce, 1.5c decaf w/ stevia
11a- 1p-salad w/ HB egg & balsamic, 1 pancake, sweet potato pie, fortune cookie, MA, fish oil
330p-Kind+ mango & macadamia
7p-raw veg, salad of iceberg, chicken, bell peppers, onions
8p-angel food cake & strawberries
930p-fish oil, zinc, MA, BSM, adrenal, Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 1711 cal, 62g fat (10 sat), 194g carbs (38 fiber), 98g protein - goal of 1480

On another note, Dustin & I talked in my session about changing things up by reducing my workouts back to one a day, giving my body more rest, see if that reduces the binge urges, cravings, I-can-and-will-eat-an-entire-fucking-cow insatiable hunger, possibly help the acne, and it might help the body drop some fat stores if it’s not constantly being pummeled with intense workouts. I actually had been thinking about that a little, but didn’t want to drop my calorie intake that much! And yet, Putnam being gone might just force it to happen, since I might be too mentally wiped to face an evening workout (which is truly okay, since noon running/Dustin is the only quality stuff I NEED to do, and the rest is quantity, basically just burning calories so that I can eat more of them). So I might have to face the challenge of eating like 1500 calories per day...and man, it’s been a really long time since I’ve done that.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 30

I actually had a successful little breakthrough last night! I was physically depleted, but mentally fine. I am telling you, I was tired as fuck (workouts caught up to me, didn’t have supper until 8 pm) and I just wanted to go to bed, but I was not snacky or bingey. So happy about that!

Here's another realization I had: if I push myself too hard today, I'll absolutely hit binge levels tonight. Now, I have supper with my two Sauk besties tonight, so I do actually intend to go somewhat low-cal until then. But I am very aware of the danger here and will pay close attention to how I feel throughout the day. I can plan in foods that are mentally treats, or lean heavier on carbs than what I "should" do, in order to keep feeling good and not eat everything in sight at Shari's house. I will report back tomorrow!


7.5 hours in bed. Slept like crap but felt okay: h/s/g at 1am, woke often: windows open, no ear plugs, cats wild. Woke 515-ish, up at 530. 3 easy pull-ups.

Foot a bit sore, canceled noon run hoping it would be happy by speedwork time. So instead I did a noon bike ride, 6.44 miles. Easy at first, and intended to do 8m, but at ~4m I was feeling weak and kind of gross - exactly like I’d just eaten a high-carb snack & my blood sugar was diving. And my snack an hour prior was a protein shake – all I could figure was low hydration. I almost went over to NSS for water but knew I could make it back okay. Eve trackwork was tough but it felt good. Calf a bit tight halfway through, foot hurt a little bit later on in the eve.

Had a snack right after the speedwork (pancakes!), but then it was another 1.5 hours of errands before I got to eat – thus I got pretty tired & was feeling depleted. I was able to recognize it was due to tiredness and didn’t feel snacky or anything.

Acne made me want to cry, though. However, it is improving from its weekend freak-the-fuck-out. Need to remember I'm experimenting. Deep breaths.

Food details:
530a-fried egg, chick saus, fish oil, D, zinc, MA, adrenal, c reg, Met
630-c reg; 7a-1.5c reg w/ stevia
9a-2.5oz tuna on WW bread, 1.5c decaf w/ stevia
11a-protein shake
1p(PWO)-salad, HB egg, balsamic, 3 pumpkin pancakes, fish oil, MA, adrenal
330p-2.5oz tuna on WW bread
630p(PWO)-2 pumpkin pancakes
8p-2 sl WW toast, 3 links chick saus, 2 fried eggs, c decaf, Tanka bar, fish oil, zinc, MA, BSM, adrenal
930p-Tyrosine, 5HTP
Totals: 1941 cal, 84g fat (15 sat), 134g carbs (38 fiber), 168g protein – goal of 1943

Dude, 2 calories from my goal? And that was with a last-minute supper swap. I had intended to experiment with crepes, but by the time I could eat, I wasn't going to fuck around, I needed food RANOW. I knew I had 450 calories to burn up, so I went with exactly what I was craving & didn't worry about macros. Perfect!

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 29

Another step forward! I'm on a roll now, right? Heh.


8 hours in bed. Woke several times in am but didn’t look at clock, fell back right away. Naturally awake at 550a. Nice! I was feeling pretty good.

Toe felt better, maybe 75% or so. That was a big plus for my brain, let me tell you!

My workout w/ Dustin felt great, and Warrior Training after work was also a good one, very fun. (Unfortunately my foot got a little angry, and I'm paying for it today by skipping my noon run. Sadness!)

At home, I ate well with no difficulty whatsoever (yay!). No binge urges other than being snacky at breakfast, of all times. But after a day of fasting on Monday, it was understandable. Also, I had like 8 meals, since we had a potluck lunch, then my workout was after that so I needed my PWO snack, and after a super-local salad (just greens & balsamic) for supper, I had to find more calories yet! A good problem to have.

Just a good day all around!

Food details:
6a-2 fried eggs, 2 sl WW bread, 3 links chicken breakfat sausage, small apple, 2T PB, fish oil, D, zinc, MA, adrenal, c reg w/ T coconut creamer, Met
7a-c reg w/ T coconut creamer
8a-1.5c reg w/ T coconut creamer
9a-med apple, T maple almond butter, 1.5c decaf w/ stevia
1045a-T maple almond butter
12p (potluck) -3oz taco meat, lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, 4T salsa, fish oil, MA, adrenal
230p(PWO)-English muffin, T Sunbutter
4p-med apple, .5oz almonds
630p(PWO)-salad w/ balsamic, fish oil, zinc, MA, BSM, adrenal
7p-4oz egg whites, 2 links chicken breakfast sausage, c decaf w/ T coconut creamer
10p-NC, Tyrosine, 5HTP

Totals: 2003 cal, 92g fat (14 sat), 189g carbs (38 fiber), 106g protein – goal of 1980

I had another thought on the acne freakout that came on this weekend: caffeine. A normal day, with 3.5c regular coffee, is 472mg. On Friday & Saturday both (due to the Relay) I had over 800. Wouldn't surprise me at all if that has an effect.

Recipe sharing time! These are all from Joy:
-The thai chicken I linked to the other day? Fantastic. I had a sample this morning, loved it, and I am making it this weekend!
-Buttermilk Brined Pork Chops
-Bayou Bourbon Brined Pork Chops
-Llapingachos (stuffed sweet potato patties) <- not tasted, but totally on my to-make list for this weekend. I freaking looooove sweet potatoes!

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 28

One step forward!


8 hours in bed. Slept terribly, was hot; woke h/s/g at 4am, bathroom, water, turned on A/C, basically wide awake so took awhile to fall back. Tired. Fasting anyway. Was hungry on way to work only, then COLD all damn morning. Noon workout helped me warm up finally. Tired in afternoon, but I actually felt BETTER, more awake & alert, after yoga.

Iced foot while getting ready in the morning. No running, so I took a noon utility ride: 8.34 miles. Felt easy. Foot felt a little better afterward, for some reason, nothing where I’d run on it, but less pain. I’d say calf is at about 95%. 2 hours post-ride, toe was back to where it was. Weirdness. Eve yoga felt good, toe seemed better again.

After yoga, picked up the hubster & we went to Heather’s to fix her mower cord, then took a motorcycle ride to view the awful Sauk damage. Seeing all the trees down in the park made me want to cry. So many years of growth, so many great big beautiful trees, all reduced to compost/firewood. So sad! And I also felt guilty for being an obnoxious rubbernecker while so many people were working their asses off to clean up their yards. I wanted to stop and help even complete strangers.

Back at home, I finally made my salads for the week. It was a HUGE challenge not to eat any peas, but I did it! This week's salads are pretty much straight greens: mixed lettuce, radicchio, kale, peas. I'll add a hard-boiled egg & balsamic to total just 151 cal, then for protein I will add canned meat (getting old, need to eat it up).

Food details: 6a-fish oil, D, zinc, MA, adrenal, c reg, Met; 7a-c reg; 730a-Americano w/ SF vanilla; 11a-1.5c reg; 1130a-c decaf w/ 2T creamer; 2p-fish oil, MA, adrenal; 5p-4 BCAAs; 7p-fish oil, zinc, MA, BSM, adrenal, Met; 10p-NC, Tyrosine, 5HTP

Totals: 128 cal, 2g fat (0 fat), 21g carbs (6 fiber), 2g protein – goal of 1875

So, after my giant 10.4-lb water-weight gain last week, I weighed in this morning down 9.6 lbs. Yep, I'd say that's more accurate.

Here's where my averages landed:
-2045 cal, 80 fat (15 sat) 35%, 223g carbs (37 fiber) 44%, 119g protein 13% (still too heavy on carbs, but hey, baby steps)
-4068 junk cal, 28% (oops, this was supposed to be 10%)
-Down 40%, 1366 cal avg & 9564 total, from prior week (not that it took much effort to drop from bingefest week!)
-2011 avg so far: 2052 cal, 92g fat (20 sat), 179g carbs (32 fiber), 137g protein
-Burned 3807, down 1420 from last week (but still damn high)


I had a total mental breakdown over it while getting ready for bed, but I actually came up with a plan to address it. First, I am going to spend two full weeks on the supplements & continue my 500-cal/day deficit, which means July 8-21. Then, if it doesn't improve, some options:

1) Reduce deficit to 250-cal/day for two weeks, rather than 500. If that doesn't work, then
2) Change daily intake to maintenance and fast one day per week to create a deficit on one day only. Try it for two weeks; if that doesn't work, then
3) Call and get antibiotic prescription again. It’s temporary. It’s worth taking if it eases one stress on the brain.

And I need to view this all as an experiment, a challenge, and try to get out of the "I'm ugly, I hate my fucking face, it's not fair, etc" mindset.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Days 25-27

Theme of the summer seems to be two steps forward, one step back...


7.5 hours in bed. Wide awake at 430, NOT h/s/g but hit bathroom and then could not fall back asleep. Just got up at 515. More evidence that the wake-up is simply a drop in blood sugar since it seems to happen about 8 hours after eating most of the time. (But not always. Hm. I really need to take some time to look back at these notes.)

Spartacus at noon w/ Joy & Brenda, went light. HOT in there or else I just needed more water. Or both.

Was fairly tired in the afternoon already. Bad sign for Relay; let myself eat unplanned pita chips.

At Relay: walked .5m in sandals, then 1m bare, 1m Vibs, 2m Merrells between 530-1030. Was tired, feet weren’t feeling the greatest, sat down at 1030 to rest. Also, at 730p I gave 4 vials of blood for the Cancer Prevention Study. It was SUPER humid & gross, and I drank a lot of water, but definitely turned out to be too little to feel good.

Food details: 515a-fried egg, chick saus, 2 sl gluten-free bread, c reg w/ T coconut creamer, fish oil, D, Met, zinc, MA, adrenal; 630a-c reg w/ T coconut creamer; 745a-Americano w/ SF vanilla; 9a-English muffin, T Sunbutter, 1.5c decaf w/ T coconut creamer; 11a-.5 bagel, T maple almond butter; 1p(PWO)-stir fry, sm apple, T Sunbutter, fish oil, MA, adrenal; 330p-protein & SF pudding mix, sm apple, T almond butter, 1.5c reg w/ stevia; 4p-pita chips; 445p-stir fry, fish oil, MA, BSM, zinc, adrenal; snacks at Relay: c snap peas, 2c strawberries, 3.25oz jerky, protein bar, protein shake, 2 bottles diet ch Pepsi

Totals: 2482 cal, 71g fat (8 sat), 283g carbs (46 fiber), 186g protein – goal of 2073 (goal changed due to fewer miles than planned - otherwise I'd have come in right on target of 2400)


Mike, Jason, Luke showed up a bit early, so I started running at 1140p. Felt okay while they were there, 2.81m very easy. Kept it easy until 3, then sped up. My right calf started to feel like it was about to cramp at ~4.25m. I stopped for water (also because it was crazy humid) & went back out. Tried to speed up, slow down, land differently – nothing helped the calf. Felt like it was going to hit a point of total lock-up; I stopped for more water and stretched it, and it felt exactly the same. Gave up. 5.14 miles total.

Couldn’t find e-tabs, so I grabbed kettle corn instead and walked & ate, trying to get some salt back in my system. Took a break at 130a to help with coconut bowling, then more walking. Calf hated everything! 14.17 total miles, a huge disappointment when I intended to run 10 & walk 10.

At 330, we left, as it was raining, I didn’t feel I should walk any more, and if I stayed I’d be sleeping. Went to rec room at TS, napped 2.75 hrs – woke at 730a, didn’t feel I’d fall back. Stupidly had counted on free breakfast & had nothing but carbs left to eat, so I got a rib sandwich & pop at Holiday, then went to Warrior Training at 830a.

We did 4 trips up Victoria’s Revenge, 2 miles, felt okay doing it. Calf was angry at start of each hill, but 10 yards in it would feel okay-ish. Walking down was fine. No water, why would I have bought that at Holiday?

Then Amy & I went to the pea pick at Ploughshare Farm; we picked ~45min, sat ~15min in the shade, farm tour ~1.5 hours. Was feeling awful: I drank just 20oz water through all of this, in the hot noon sun, wearing no sunscreen, on very little sleep, UGH. Our potluck lunch was very healthy, lots of greens, finally got some more water. But I was still very tired.

I stopped at the Carlos Corners gas station on my way home, since Amy said they had the "best bacon ever" (Klinder Meats), and I found ribs, ready to eat. Ate the entire rack when I got home, along with two giant cookies I had bought for Relay – I should have gone STRAIGHT TO BED. Showered, napped 5-730p. Ate breakfast food, computer time, bed at 11p. (Oh, and the bacon really is damn good.)

Food details: snacks at Relay-sm apple, bag mixed nuts (almonds, cashews, peanuts), bag light kettle corn, Joy’s iced mocha coffee drink (thank you, friend!!); 820a-bottle diet ch Pepsi, rib sandwich; 930a-12oz coffee; 11a-few snap peas; 130p-potluck (many greens, chicken & veg soup, sl rye bread, .5c strawberries); 3p-bottle diet ch Pepsi; 330p-rack ribs, 2 choc mint cookies, fish oil; 730p-2 fried eggs, 3 sl bacon, 2 sl GF bread, c decaf, T coconut creamer, fish oil, zinc, Met, MA, BSM; 9p-banana ice cream w/ protein powder, T maple syrup, 12 almonds

Totals: 4203 cal, 184g fat (45 sat), 469g carbs (52 fiber), 192g protein – goal of 1923 (shit balls)


8.5 hours in bed. Tired. Left foot hurt so no running at all. Paid bills, dishes, transplanted tomatoes, litter, laundry. Tired. Everything on my to-do list looked like tons of work and I didn’t want to do ANY of it. Also I was naturally freaking out over yesterday’s calories and beating myself up for being unable to recognize the need for water & sleep, rather than FOOD.

I wanted to do a tough workout or bike ride but had no energy for either. Finished typing this all up for Dustin at 230p, and realized I was in the same stupid cycle: tired, thirsty, snacky. So I wised up and took a 3-hour nap. Still tired. Huge storm was coming (which totally kicked Sauk Centre's ass, so sorry for everyone there), thus no bike ride, and I was too tired for the tough workout – and really, really worried about the foot.

Decided to fast on Monday and so I ate a semi-reasonable supper.

Food details: 730a-fried egg, 3 sl bacon, 2 sl WW bread, c reg w/ T coconut creamer, fish oil, D, zinc, MA, adrenal, sm apple; 9a-c reg, Met; 12p-c snap peas, lg tomato, c romaine, balsamic, can chicken, 2T honey mustard, 2 sl WW bread, MA, adrenal, fish oil; 5p-c snap peas; 6p-4oz pork ribs w/ sauce, 8oz round steak, .5c canned peas, sm apple, fish oil, zinc, MA, adrenal, Met; 8p-sm apple w/ choco PB2 & PP spice, BSM, NC; 10p-Tyrosine, 5HTP

Totals: 1942 cal, 78g fat (24 sat), 152g carbs (37 fiber), 150g protein – goal of 1475 (could've been worse or I would've been right on if I hadn't been all ZOMG! MEAT! at supper)

I would like to hire someone to babysit me when Hop is gone. This person just needs to send me to bed when I get to the point of depletion. 99% of the time, binges occur when I'm depleted & tired. And logic, even simple, easy-to-follow logic like "I should go to bed now" just utterly fails me.

Acne is awful again, which was also hard on the brain. So this morning I made a decision. If, after two weeks, the new supplements do not seem to be affecting my acne, I'm going to call and renew my long-lapsed prescription. I've resisted doing so because it's an antibiotic, which I don't want to be on indefinitely. But now that I feel pretty confident that it's caused by both dairy & calorie deficits, I can accept a temporary prescription. Once I hit maintenance caloric intake, I will go off it. If taking away that large stressor makes everything else more bearable, then it's worth the risk.

If you read all of that, you deserve a bonus! Here's a yummy, healthy, clean dessert recipe:
-Chop up an apple, microwave it until soft (but not mush, leave a leetle bit of crunch to it). My apple was tiny & only took 1 minute.
-Meanwhile, mix up your PB2, using a little extra water to make it runny, not paste-y. (I used chocolate, not sure if regular is going to taste quite as good. Try it. If it’s only okay, make it again and add cocoa powder to it to make it chocolate!)
-Drizzle PB2 over apple. Sprinkle with cinnamon or pumpkin pie spice. (I used pie spice.)

And here's another delicious-sounding recipe that Joy made: http://www.bellplantation.com/recipes/easy-slow-cooker-thai-pb2-chicken - and I will confidently recommend anything she suggests without having eaten it. She's pretty fantastic.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 24

Thursday had some lessons to share!

Sleep: 8 hours in bed; awake at 4am, NOT h/s/g but hit bathroom and took forever to fall back asleep. Was feeling okay, though.

Session was good other than anger over shoulder (it affected chin-ups, presses, OH squats; fuck you, shoulder!!). Not depressed though, just frustrated. After work, I had planned a 5pm metabolic workout but in thinking about it at 4:30, I realized that I wanted to WANT to do it, but I didn’t truly want to face it. It's not an easy workout, and I had no gumption to face the challenge.

Here's the lesson: I know I could've knocked it out, but I could tell that if I forced myself to do it, I’d be totally depleted and odds were that I'd fly into a binge zone at home. And we know that does not benefit me in any way, shape or form - even if I burned 500 calories and then ate 500 calories, the beatdown my brain would suffer makes it 100% not worth it. Now, I may have avoided bingeing: Hop was at home, which generally keeps me in line. But I also had a long, long Friday coming up (Relay for Life is finally here!), and going into it feeling physically depleted would be very foolish. Better to play it safe.

So instead I went to the Grain Bin, where I bought supplements for my adrenals (in theory, to support my endocrine system & prevent acne reactions: fingers crossed!) and two for reducing cravings/improving sleep. Here's hoping they all work! (Related acne note: two nights of the MoM mask, and I have no new cysts coming in...will keep you posted!)

At home, I ate my uber-healthy supper, started iTunes download (OMG I joined 2005 & got a Shuffle!), and then went for a 10-mile bike ride w/ Hop. It was easy, slow, & quite enjoyable, being such a gorgeous night. We carried on a conversation through about 75% of it, even! Two birds, one stone: quality time with hubster and an "active recovery" workout!

Food details: 6a-fried egg, chicken sausage, 2 sl gluten-free bread, c reg, fish oil, D, Met, zinc, MA; 7a-c reg; 8a-c reg; 9a-1.5c reg w/ stevia, oz almonds; 11a-half bagel w/ applesauce; 1p(PWO)-dozen Goldfish, mini s’mores in a bag, 5oz amazingly tasty tuna & 2 sl gluten-free bread, Americano w/ SF vanilla; 330p-fish oil, MA, oz almonds, protein shake w/ SF jello pudding mix; 730p-stir fry, fish oil, MA, BSM, zinc, Met, adrenal support; 830p-1.5c cantaloupe, 1.5c watermelon, NC, Tyrosine & 5HTP
Totals: 1701 cal, 62g fat (10 sat), 190g carbs (30 fiber), 115g protein – goal of 1785

Couple food tips:
-Junk calories are currently running over 10% to soothe the brain and suppress binge inclinations – if that’s what it takes to keep calories in line, then that’s good enough ... for now. Baby steps.
-Why eat a whole bagel when half will satisfy just as well?
-I made s'mores-in-a-bag & bagged Goldfish to sell at the Relay on Thursday morning. To avoid snacking as I made these things, I promised myself I could have some. When I came down to the last scoop in the bowl, which was only about 1/3 of a "serving" each time, I bagged that up to eat post-Dustin. That way I didn't feel deprived as I worked, since I knew I could have some eventually, AND I guarantee that I would have eaten far more if I'd grazed as I went along!
-Sugar-free Jello pudding mix is a very tasty (and very low-calorie) addition to protein shakes. I used butterscotch, and it was like dessert! (Totally pure chemicals, basically the polar opposite of Whole9 rules, but you figure out how to make plain unflavored egg white protein tasty without junk!)

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 23


8 hours in bed. Slept well until 5am. Up at 6. A little tired but felt good once I got moving.

Resisted the strong urge to weigh in and see how much weight I dropped in one day - mostly because if it was lower than I expected, I might take it hard.

Session was good, then right afterward I did hill repeats w/ Tess & Timmy. Took it slow & easy. Ate almonds & a Fruition bar between those two workouts, and that sat fine while running, yay for a good lesson learned! Drank lots of water throughout afternoon to hopefully ensure feeling good at the track for speedwork; it was tough, though, and slower than usual. I guess 3 workouts in one day is not ideal for performance! Immediately after running I had a snack, since I also had to make a grocery store visit before heading home.

At home, I did fine eating a healthy supper, but then I made s’mores pops which were extremely tempting. I ended up eating the leftover chocolate drippings with my apple, justified by having read that cocoa helps balance serotonin & dopamine (thanks, Metabolic Effect!). I could definitely feel that I wanted to eat eat eat, so I figured that little bit of chocolate was perfectly fine compared to following the binge urge.

Tip: I decided I should do my best to avoid evening cooking in general, instead sticking to Sundays whenever I can. This would reduce time in the kitchen and less time around food should help reduce the bingey and snacky urges.

Food details: 6a-fried egg, 1.5 sl bacon, 2 sl gluten-free bread, c reg, zinc, D, MA, fish oil; 7a-c reg; 9a-hb egg, 1.5c reg; 10a-bagel w/ T PB2, .25c applesauce; 12p (PWO)-Fruition bar, oz almonds; 1p (PWO)-stir fry, hb egg, fish oil, MA; 215p-6 almonds; 4p-sm apple, oz almonds; 630p (PWO)-Fruition bar, oz almonds; 730p-stir fry, fish oil, MA, BSM, zinc; 9p-sm apple, .25s melted chocolate, NC, Met
Totals: 2182 cal, 92g fat (14 sat), 254g carbs (44 fiber), 106g protein – goal of 2203

Acne: man, I already stopped counting. What did that last, 3 days? Anyway, last night I tried something new & weird: a Milk of Magnesia mask. (Idea courtesy of my SpartaBuddy, Joy.) I washed my face, then applied a mask, then left it to dry while I went about tooth-brushing & such. Last thing before bed, I then used toner to clean it off, and applied my moisturizer. At the very least, I think it should help tone down the oiliness. I'll keep you posted on whether it seems to make a difference!

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 22

I almost feel like I should restart the count, but I will not. I just had a vacation in the middle of my bodyfat beatdown, that's all!


9.5 hours in bed. Woke at 1am, h/s/g, bathroom, water, and could not fall back asleep for a full hour. Alarm at 5am, was planning to come in for workout; reset for 6, then snoozed until 7. I was dead tired and smart enough to listen to my body despite really wanting to pummel it with exercise. I also really wanted to fast, but forced myself to return to my NORMAL diet plan. No need to “make up” for the last week. I was COLD in the afternoon, felt just like I was fasting! Interesting. Tons of water drank; I hit 128oz by supper time. (I really wanted to weigh in this morning and see how much water I dropped in 24 hours, but I resisted, just in case it wasn't a big change.)
My legs did not feel up to the schedule 5.5 miles @ MP at noon, so I met my SpartaBuddy Joy for a workout. Medium weights, and it kicked my ass. Followed it with 11 min walking on the TM to try loosening up the lower legs. After work I rode my bike on errands around Alex, hitting 8.18 miles total. Felt easy peasy!

I felt great. In the eve I made a big ol' stir fry, snacking on the almonds, then the apple & PB2, while I did so. That had my brain feeling very satiated!

Food details: 730a-Fruition bar, c reg; 8a-1.5c reg, fish oil, MA, zinc, D; 9a-sm apple, oz almonds; 11a-oz almonds, 1.5c reg w/ stevia; 1p-stir fry, English muffin, fish oil, MA; 4p-med apple, Sunbutter; 7p-2c strawberries; 8p-stir fry, salad (bok choi & tomato & balsamic), oz almonds, fish oil, MA, BSM, zinc; 9p-sm apple, PB2, NC, Met
Totals: 1735 cal, 77g fat (6 sat), 201g carbs (48 fiber), 82g protein – goal of 2128

That's too low on calories, but I didn't have enough food with me throughout the day, and I felt good. But that can't continue! I also am overdoing carbs (today as well), so I need to get some protein snacks lined up, pronto. Egg bake, pumpkin protein pancakes, and protein shakes, coming right up!!

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Days 18-21

A bit of a brain dump version happening today:

Friday 7/1

8.5 hours in bed. Awake at 4am, took a while to fall back. Slept in a bit, 620a. Breakfast was my last junk indulgence until after Afton. 1 chin-up, right shoulder didn’t like it, stopped. Noon workout with my SpartaBuddy, freshly returned from Ecuador! We did two rounds of light weights. (My shoulder didn’t get angry at all - why is it hating on chin-ups, man?) Eve trip down to the Cities with Heather, weather made it wild, turning around at SJU to go back to Avon when we saw a horrible BLACK sky and decided the tornado warning was not to be messed with! I did well with sticking to unprocessed stuff so that my body would be happy for Saturday. I even had a turkey bacon avocado salad at Subway despite really wanting BREAD! And then, we made it to Breadsmith 15 minutes past close. So disappointed!

Food details: 630a-fried egg, T honey mustard, sl cheese, bagel, .5c sweet potato, c reg, .25s liquid fish oil, MA, zinc, fish oil; 730a-c reg, s kettle corn; 830a-1.5c reg w/ stevia, Met; 9a-s kettle corn; 11a-s kettle corn, fish oil; 1p-stir fry, c strawberries, s kettle corn, fish oil, MA; 330p-2s kettle corn, English muffin w/ Sunbutter, fish oil; 530p-oz cashews; 7p-Subway salad, iced tea; 9p-snap peas, venison burger, fish oil, zinc, MA, BSM, Met

Totals: 2692 cal, 104g fat (21 sat), 309g carbs (44 fiber), 129g protein – maintenance goal of 2630

Saturday 7/2

6.5 hours in bed, slept awful. Woke about every 90 minutes, was hot and not a comfy bed. Drive to Afton was fine, ate as planned then stopped for good coffee on the way. The race itself was brutal! Super hard on the first loop but the second loop went REALLY well because I found the magic of electrolyte tablets! Full report is here. Afterward, I stuffed myself at Perkins (Tremendous Twelve AND a milkshake!) then home for a shower, computer time, no nap, off to the races.

Food: I did not record in detail, but I covered several items on my “must eat” list: pancakes, kettle corn, bread, Honey Nut Cheerios, mint latte, soft pretzel

Estimating 5000 calories, 30% fat, 50% carbs, 20% protein. Maintenance goal of 2525.

Sunday 7/3

7.5 hours in bed, races made it late. Slept fairly solidly. Cleaned w/ Hop, then took a nap. After the nap I was even more tired, so I tried to keep napping, but I couldn’t. Dragging ass. It was a LONG day at the races, 4-11:15pm, and my body was feeling pretty sore from the trail race. Ate my racers taco while strolling barefoot around the parking lot during intermission. Just had to MOVE. And I actually felt really gross in my guts, finally, from all the junk food.

Food: again I did not record in detail, but I enjoyed: A&W bacon cheeseburger & fries, racers taco, ice cream, hush puppies

Estimating 3500 calories. Maintenance goal of 1750.

Monday 7/4

9 hours in bed. Up at 7am, bathroom, water, back to bed. Felt okay when I got up at 9. More cleaning & parade-readying. The parade itself was kind of lame this year, but having everyone over was fun. Afterward, I again crashed, & watched a movie. And I ate ate ate for the last time for a long while.

Food: again I did not record in detail, but I enjoyed: s’mores pops, kettle corn, ice cream, butterfinger bars, hot dog, full-cal Cherry Coke

Estimating 3500 calories. Maintenance goal of 2025.

My week's averages are insane, just like a "vacation week" should look: 3411 cal, 129 fat (29 sat) 34%, 413g carbs (44 fiber) 48%, 153g protein 18% -- Up 17%, 1181 cal avg & 8268 total, from prior week -- 2011 avg so far: 2050 cal, 92g fat (20 sat), 177g carbs (32 fiber), 137g protein -- Burned 5227, up 2379 from last week

Based on calories alone, I should be up 1.83 pounds. I blew that right out of the water!
Weight: +10.4 lbs
BMI: +1.6
Fat %: -3.5
Fat Mass: -3.0
Lean Mass: +13.4
TBW: +9.8

But speaking of water – obviously that’s what most of this is, though for sure I added some fat. No question this 2-week binge was NOT consequence-free.

But the impedance was 433 which has never been that low (average is 561). So the distribution of fat & lean is not to be believed, although I sure would love to believe that I lost 3 lbs of fat this week! Half of me wants to weigh in daily to see how quickly it drops, but I’m not going to worry about it. It does not matter!

Here's the plan for what happens next:
-Nutrition goal for each day: (1750-500) + (half today’s calories burned + half tomorrow’s burned).
-90% of intake follows Whole9 rules (no dairy, grains, legumes, alcohol, added sweeteners).
-10% of intake can be pure junk.
-Every 4 weeks, I plan a maintenance-level week.

Acne update: it seemed to improve at the beginning of the week due to increased calories. But went bad again on Saturday, seemingly due to dairy being added back on Thursday. So I return to dairy avoidance. And see if the Metabolic Advantage supplement keeps it in check during calorie deficits; if not, back to the Grain Bin I go!

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: Day 17

Thursday went off the rails at suppertime as well. Eh, whatever. I'll be back to restriction next week, and my SpartaBuddy being back means more opportunities to burn, baby, burn!

7 hours in bed, up at 5a, but was awake on/off after 4a. Woke hot/sweaty at midnight but didn’t get up. A little tired but I was feeling pretty good. Go carbs!

However, my session w/ Mike felt tougher than it properly should have. High humidity plus carb-based water retention is my excuse. I really don’t think my body likes grains as much as my brain does!! Oh, and also? I NEED MORE SLEEP. Amy’s class in the eve felt pretty easy, though she struggled a bit.

Because this was my last day of dairy & processed junk until after Afton, I apparently thought I needed to eat everything in sight. Single servings? Those are for children. Half a can of Pringles! An entire package of Goldfish! Sigh.

On the bright side, and I apologize for the TMI here, the super-delicious ice cream seems to have cleaned out my system very well, even to the point where some of the carb-based water retention has gone down, and my upper abs have returned to view. Hooray!

Food: 6a-2 fried eggs w/ honey mustard on bagel, fish oil, c reg; 645a-c reg w/ 1/3c rice milk, Met; 10a-Fruition bar; 1145a (PWO)-peanut butter cookie; 1230p-stir fry, orange; 2p-m&m cookie, 2 Sun Chips; 230p-Heath Dilly Bar; 3p-sm apple, .5 pb cookie; 6p (PWO)-sm apple, handful Doritos; 630p-half can Pringles salt & vinegar chips; 730p-venison cheeseburger on toast w/ ketchup & honey mustard, entire package Goldfish s’mores, c ice cream, MA, BSM, Met; 9p-s Honey Nut Cheerios
Totals: 3920 cal, 154g fat (58 sat), 533g carbs (39 fiber), 114g protein – maintenance goal of 2293

Here comes the weekend! Friday I'm striving to eat healthy foods & avoid junk my body is not used to consuming; Saturday is the Afton trail race, and after that I return to junk through Monday. Hopefully I can keep the quantities more reasonable, but if not, well, I'm going to enjoy the fuck out of it.

My SpartaBuddy Joy mentioned pancakes today. Or actually I did, in the form of Pumpkin Spice Pancakes, but then Joy mentioned normal pancakes. My dad has the best recipe ever for homemade pancakes! And now I've got to find a way to make them this weekend. Also on the really-want-to-eat list: pizza, something anything everything from Breadsmith, French fries, latte, soft pretzel, pulled pork and/or Cuban sandwich, Subway's Turkey & Bacon Avocado sub ... this list is too long to fit into three days, as you can see.

I've decided that on Tuesday I shall make my return to calorie restriction using a hybrid form of the Dustin Diet (which worked so well last summer) & Whole9. I will strive to eat according to Whole9's principles (no grains, no dairy, no alcohol, no legumes, no added sugar) 90% of the time, and 10% of my calories can be pure junk. That's actually a fair amount of junk I can eat each week, generally around 13-1400 calories. (Heck, that's an entire loaf of bread!) Roughly 200 calories a day. That gives me plenty of treats to sprinkle throughout the week! I could even go back to eating two slices of 45-cal toast with my morning eggs and still have spare junk calories. Oh, wouldn't I be a happy little camper!