Whole30, Day 19

A tough Monday. Started the day feeling fat, ugly, and like a disappointment to all; I don't feel like I'm functioning at 100% anywhere. I feel like I'm slacking at both jobs, running isn't going as well as it should, I'm eating too much, I'm not being a very good friend (particularly thinking of Heather and her relationship and how I never talked to her about it - fixed that this morning), I'm really not being a good wife, all the way down to little things like not getting the racing league points done on time, or having zero energy to pick up our trash that blew into our neighbor's yard. I just flat-out feel like I'm sucking at everything.

Then I learned that my lead's 13-year old son passed away, and it was like being punched in the gut. Repeatedly. All day. I have a wonderful relationship with my lead, think of her as a friend, mentor, and someone to emulate; being such a total bleeding heart, I feel absolutely awful for her. I can't imagine the strength required to survive this impossibly difficult situation. I hate it, I hate everything about it, and there is nothing to be done. I am feeling heartbroken for her, and totally helpless. No fixing, no mending, nothing I can do. Impossible.

This horrible situation sure makes my life look awesome in comparison, so thus I beat myself up even more for feeling like my life has any difficulties whatsoever.

So the day was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting. I skipped the tax firm (will go tonight) and went home. Nutrition was mediocre. I was 400 calories over what it needed to be in order to hit my targeted average of 1900. I was on track at work (actually didn't feel like eating for much of the day), but I was truly hungry on my way home. This doesn't often happen, since I eat so frequently. My supper itself was fine, but as I made salads & fruit chips, I polished off the bag of mixed nuts. There's my 400 extra calories, right there. Luckily they are all gone now, thus there's no more temptation sitting around, other than the Sunbutter, which I am 100% determined to leave in its bubble wrap, so it hardly counts.

6a-fried egg, chicken sausage, c regular coffee, dandelion root, magnesium, vit D, zinc
715a-c decaf coffee
8a-1.5c regular coffee
945a-1.5c regular coffee, medium apple
1p-Apple Turkey Picadillo, medium apple, 2 fish oil, dandelion root
3p-3.5oz plain tilapia
4p-small banana
6p-3 medium raw carrots, c asparagus, chicken sausage, 2oz mixed nuts, few apple & banana pieces, zinc, fish oil, dandelion root
730p-1.5c Brussels sprouts, 2T balsamic, magnesium
TOTALS: 1830 cal, 90g fat (23 sat), 165g carbs (38 fiber), 117g protein

Things I made last night:
-Apple chips in the dehydrator; delicious! For Dustin's shower on Friday.
-Banana chips in the dehydrator; little overdone, but flavor is great!
-What I call "Brain Food": almonds, cashews, raisins, banana chips, and cinnamon. Place in a bag, seal & shake it up to coat the cinnamon, and you have a healthy, delicious snack. Brought this in for my team today to fuel close efforts, and will make more of the same for Dustin's shower.
-Four salads, each containing: medium carrot, .75oz sugar snap peas, .5 baby bell pepper, .5c cabbage, .5c celery & c spinach (should've made HB eggs as well).

A couple of Whole30-specific notes:
-Acne is improving; whether this is primarily food- or zinc-driven, I do not know. At this point, I don't care! I am so happy to see progress. Once all is clear, I'll probably start testing by stopping the zinc.
-The Natural Calm is pretty awesome if you mix it into hot water; it's like a cup of sweet tea every morning & night. I like it a lot!

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