Whole30, Day 13

Yesterday was a high calorie/carb day, so I ate very well! Target of 1900 calories, 150-200g carbs:

6a-fried egg, chicken sausage, 2 sl bacon, 1.5c yam, 2T apple butter, c reg, 3 fish oil, dandelion root
715a-c decaf
8a-1.5c reg
9a-oz venison jerky, hb egg, 2oz freeze dried blackberries (from NutsOnline.com; delicious, but not as good as the grapes, and they stick to your teeth!)
11a-turkey patty
115p (PWO)-hb egg, c celery strips, small carrot, .5 turkey patty, banana, 3 fish oil, dandelion root (a snacky lunch; finishing with the banana made it very satisfying)
330p-med apple, 2oz mixed nuts (I eyeballed the nuts, and based on my later measurement at home, I was way off - had I gotten this right, I was exactly at 1900 calories!)
615p-turkey patty, c cooked cauliflower, c asparagus, 3 fish oil, dandelion root
TOTALS: 2078 cal, 91g fat (23 sat), 193g carbs (45 fiber), 132g protein

I weighed in with Heather and didn't look at the numbers, let her send them straight to Dustin. I was quite tempted to ask her if I was at least down, but I figured that just in case I was up, I had better not ask. I actually feel fairly good about body comp at this point, siting at temporary acceptance (though not satisfaction) (thank you dandelion root!), so I might as well just keep that happier state of mind and ignore the numbers.

Body comp acceptance aside, I was still pretty disappointed in my BRAIN; in the morning I was still beating myself up a little bit over the Sunbutter binge. Trying to forgive myself and move forward, but struggling to do so.

Then I had my session with Dustin, and all was made better! We took the first 5 minutes for therapy, discussing the lessons learned in the run (Dustin's prime takeaway: speak the hell up!), and that the Sunbutter binge is a common one (well, for normal people it's PB).

Dustin thinks the Whole30 experiment is probably contributing to things like the Sunbutter binge, due to feelings of deprivation, and he actually suggested I quit it. But I honestly don't feel deprived on a normal basis. I think the binge was entirely a result of spending all of Friday feeling totally rotten; all my binges have tied directly to a physical ailment of some kind. Anyway, I’d rather tough it out and stop hating my face (hopefully); it’s far more important that I reach such a point than to eat some stupid bread. (Side note: I once more swore off all nut butters until tax season ends and perhaps I find self control again. But what arrived at my house Monday night in my Nuts Online order? More damn Sunbutter! But I’m not opening it until after April 16th. It’s staying snug in its bubble wrap and everything! If I get too tempted to open it, I have the option of placing it in Heather's possession. What a fabulous FAB!)

One other thought Dustin brought up during my workout was that I should reconsider working at the tax firm next year: weigh the pros & cons, the benefit of money vs the detriment to my mental & physical state. I had already started thinking about how I will survive this again next year...I don’t think I could walk away entirely, knowing how valuable I am to the firm, but I will definitely reduce my hours some. Maybe two nights per week instead of three, plus Saturday. It’s really the weeknights that kill me, because then I don’t get enough sleep; I don’t mind the Saturdays one bit. I don’t know. Heather suggested starting with only Saturdays, and adding nights as I go, if I can. We'll see. Something will have to change, particularly if I'm also training for Boston next winter (eeeep!).

Anyway, the workout itself gave my mental state a fantastic boost. It went well, I felt good, and I did a back squat of 115x3, EASILY. What a great feeling! Then back at work I had an afternoon that was a bit stressful, so I took a good hard look at my calendar, got a meeting canceled, and I'm working from home today. Not only did that give my brain a boost then & there, but at home I was able to put off all my chores (that's what today's break times are for!) and veg on the couch with my husband & cats. That kind of mental boost is flat-out immeasurable, my friends!

Part of the goal with working from home was to sleep in. I did not set an alarm and anticipated 9 hours of blissful sleep. However, the cats & hubster were all restless & flailing starting about 4am. Ugh! I got up at 5, an hour ahead of normal. But since I have wonderful bosses, I can both start & quit work an hour early (at both jobs!), and get to bed an hour early. (And hope this time I get to sleep until 6am!)

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