Sunday, November 23

Gratitude: Old friends. It's a beautiful, precious thing to still be close to people who were my besties during my formative years. We are at ease instantly, catch up quickly, and laugh so very hard together. Love them thoroughly.

  • 630-eggs, sausage, toast, SB&J dinner roll, coffee w/ CM
  • 915-homemade Larabar
  • (1015-12.9m run)
  • During-toddler pack, Larabar, rice crackers, SB&J
  • 1pm-apple
  • 2-SB&J, homemade Larabar 
  • 430-Larabar
  • 530-chef salad, decaf
  • calories 2550: p 525, c 1125, f 900

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 930p-615a, 90% quality. Slept like a rock, but I didn't get up feeling rested.

Healthy Movement: In addition to left hip pain, also a tight right Achilles. Felt rather bleah all over. The trail run seemed like a terrible idea, but I packed as though I'd do it all, just in case shit magically came together. It didn't, and I'm now struggling to be proud of what I DID accomplish, even if it's less than what I WANTED to accomplish. It's still more than I would have done without my foolish friends getting me out there, and more than 0, but I finished feeling like a beat-up weak little quitter, and that's never a good feeling. Feet a little sore from the run, right more than left; left knee gave a few angry shouts around mile 11 but faded; left hip was mildly there on first lap, a little worse on second lap after the pit stop, but it didn't get any worse as I kept running on it; right Achilles was fine on the run, but tighter than left the rest of the day. Full PT before bed.

Fun & Play: Love my running peeps so much. Nature. Chitchat about 5k volunteering on Thanksgiving morning. Posted my gift request (RAKs) on FB. Lovely, enjoyable supper with two of my oldest friends.

Nature: The saving grace of that run was enjoying the winter beauty. We only saw two deer early on, and a few squirrels, but I loved watching the trail for tracks (SO MANY TRACKS) and being out in the warm day, and building a miniature snowman while walking up a hill. And I hope I can remember that, with adjusted expectations, trails can and MUST be done this winter, because the nature is, as always, worth the effort.

Temperance: Sad about my run. Took offense at BK saying the trails were easy, felt hurt by it - and then realized I wasn't mad at him but rather at the unfairness of it. They probably were easy for him. And a few weeks ago would've been easy for me, too. I'm sad at how quickly I've lost my running abilities. In a matter of two weeks I've gone from feeling like a runner on top of the world, can do no wrong, to again feeling like a meathead weightlifter who should give up running. Realizing it's probably going to take me most of next summer to get back to where I got this fall. And I'm never gonna be a good enough pacer for BK. And woe is me, blah blah blah.

And my face is freaking out - for unknown reasons, compounding my sadness - so tomorrow I turn 36 with the skin of an ugly16-year old. Hate my face, blah blah blah.

Fucked up the husband's entire day by sending him off to buy a snowmobile (to fix & resell) with a checkbook that had no check blanks. He had it loaded up and everything. 180 miles round trip. Given how pissed I'd be at him in that situation, I got right to hating on myself for it, so fucking stupid, blah blah blah. 

Saturday, November 22

Gratitude: My family. Seriously amazing people. I actually had FUN spending 4 hours cutting up hogs and washing up equipment, chatting & laughing & working hard all being equally delightful with those people in the mix. I was then fed a tasty lunch by my mama, and serenaded by all the wee cousins. Hugs all around, & wishes to see each other again soon, and actual true sadness that it's not as often as I'd like. The. Best. People.

Nutrition: Once again, a massive carb-load of pizza for supper. Fuck you, it's my birthday weekend, and I'm [stupidly, perhaps] going to attempt 20-30 trail miles tomorrow.
  • 430a-eggs, sausage, toast, SB&J toast, coffee w/ CM
  • (6-5.25m run)
  • 730-banana
  • 1230p-venison burger, roasted cauliflower, apple, Larabar, much coffee
  • 3-homemade Larabar 
  • 6-Daiya pizza w/ Canadian bacon, red tea
  • 730-root beer float (Zevia & AZ)
  • Calories 3100: p 650, c 1975, f 475
Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 915p-415a, 80% quality. In a bit late and took a while to fall asleep, then woke a bit earlier than necessary, not enough time to fall back. Got up feeling rested, though. Logged a solid afternoon nap 315-515p.

Healthy Movement: Felt great at home but hip hurt just as soon as I got out of the car to run. Fuck. You. I just ran through the pain (not being badass, just stubborn; the pain is mild-ish), and tried to see if leftward slant or rightward slant or perfectly flat would help: nothing changed it. Bah. Was sore all day, but standing & cutting meat/fat didn't bother it, both legs equally weight-bearing. At home, napped, then was sitting all eve.

Fun & Play: ROUS run with my favorites. Hog butchering fun times with the family. A dozen kiddos singing Happy Birthday to me. Lovely birthday gift from the parents. Vacation booked, FINALLY. Flying to Vegas, road trip from there; $100 saved vs Phoenix. Next up: even more logistics, since we have to plot a route and maybe some hotels, and OH I have all these pets needing care & feeding. Gah. At least that all can "pend" a little longer.

Friday, November 21

Gratitude: Oscar, my little gray tiger, is THE perfect snuggle buddy. Every night he lays on my right side, snugge up tight against me. When I flip over, sweeping the blanket right out from underneath him, he calmly rises & waits for me to simmer down, and then resettles, again snugged up tight against me. He never wakes me up, unlike his siblings. He is my alpha kitty, ready to fight Hank at a moment's notice, protective of his little orange brother, and very vocal when I forget to feed them. He's also got the most expressive eyes I've ever seen on a kitty. I love him to bits!

Nutrition: Stocking up on calories for the weekend'a adventures. And also, I just wanted pizza. 
  • 530-eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 745-coffee w /CM
  • 945-homemade Larabar
  • 12p-tuna w/ mustard, rice crackers, apple
  • 215-Larabar 
  • 6-cheese pizza w/ Canadian bacon
  • 730-pint AZ
  • calories 3025: p 850, c 1675, f 600
Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a, 81% quality. I have no idea what the fuck I was doing to get to bed that late. I did my PT, but that takes all of 5 minutes. Get your shit together, girl! At least I slept like a rock. Vivid weird dreams. Woke naturally at 5a and thought I might fall back, but no.

Healthy Movement: Never noticed hip at home, flinched as I got out of car at work. Sitting = bad news bears. More movement =more happiness. Stood at NSS all afternoon, makeshift standing desk. At home, only sat on couch, and felt pretty good by bedtime. 

Fun & Play: FB silliness. BK chitchat. Farm fresh eggs delivery day! Lunch with my BB! Productive afternoon at NSS. Lazy TV time with pets in my lap. 

Temperance: I've been reading a lot more and writing a little more. Very satisfying. Must fill my previous "allotted for running" hours with this. 

Thursday, November 20

Gratitude: Coffee. I love it, and I wouldn't want to live without it. I'd give up bacon before coffee. (Yes, and without hesitation.) It's also something I can easily gift to my beloveds, which I often do. And it's my favorite way to spend time with most of those beloveds (unless they are runners, then THAT is my favorite way to spend time with them, natch). To sit with endless coffee and talk and enjoy each other's company is pretty much the best thing on earth. I got to do that with BK today, and it made me wish I could do it every single day with one of my peeps. If I could rotate through a week's worth of coffee breaks with each of my besties, that would be amazing.

  • 530a-eggs, bacon, toast, homemade Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 10-homemade Larabar
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-chicken, squash, dinner roll
  • 4-coconut butter
  • 7-salad w/ avocado, SB&J toast, apple
  • calories 2325: p 400, c 875, f 1050

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a, 86% quality. Slept in, woo hoo! I was the one waking up Hanky today - payback, sucka!!

Healthy Movement: Left hip felt better in the morning at home, right back to sharp as soon as I got out of my car. Sitting is very bad, flinching just walking after sitting. Eased into session because of it, but hit badass level quite easily! Hip felt significantly better afterward. Movement = good! Did PT in eve before bed.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Spent time cheering up BK after his morning started shitty, and it included spending his entire break time with him, an unexpected delight. What a nice little catch-up session, covering all the things we'd hit on a run, except instead we were drinking tasty coffee and sitting on out butts. Good times! Big plans & big talk with him, BL, DQ about running a 50k this Sunday. On LCSP trails. In falling ice pellets and rain. Bring it on, Mother Nature! I don't know if I'm still capable of 50k, but I know I can do 10m easily, and 20m with a little effort, so I'll aim for at least that, and see what happens. At the very least, I expect much fun with badass friends! Productive work day, happy & silly & giddy coworkers, just nice to have no stress about it. Fun class, wanted to participate but was needed more for instructing, which of course is also fantastic. But feeling the urge to Do Shit, big time. Target shopping after work, nabbed some fun stuff, and ran into a former coworker & was happy to catch up with her.

Wednesday, November 19

Gratitude: A nice little thing: I am immensely grateful for Trav's. It's a place I can order a normal meal, no substitutions, no questions - only "no toast" - and absolutely fucking LOVE IT, rather than simply tolerate it. Ate there tonight with Miss Holea to catch up, and it was fantastic. Second breakfast with buddies is the bestest.

Nutrition: This afternoon my SIL emailed me about Thanksgiving food; her parents are hosting us and planning a pasta bar. I literally teared up trying to write enough to encompass restrictions & ideas & really just wanted to say "I'll bring my own food, it's fine, really, it's easier for everyone that way, even me." And when I feel like such a weird fucking loser who is going to be doing this for the rest of my fucking life...ugh. And then I realized that on vacation, eating is going to be a huge PITA because we are traveling daily & NOT smartly staying in one spot with a kitchenette, which is what works best for me. We won't even have a damn cooler. UGH. I just wanted to cry. Eating shouldn't be this hard.
  • 445a-eggs, bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 930-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 1045-homemade Larabar
  • 1230-chicken, dinner roll, apple, coffee w/ CM
  • 330-coconut butter
  • 6-eggs, ham, potatoes (Trav's!)
  • calories 2100: p 775, c 725, f 600

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 9p-430a, 75% quality. Wide awake 4a onward. Couldn't fall back, thanks to licking dogs. Heard even through ear plugs. FOR REAL.

Healthy Movement: Did PT last night before bed, and again this morning before class since I was up so early & at work so early. Worst pain is balancing on left foot with hip jutting out; if I squeeze that glute to keep my pelvis level, pain disappears. So, while at my desk, I stood like that regularly throughout the day in short bursts. Wake up, left glute!! While walking, I could sometimes eliminate the pain by pushing in around the area, or by hiking up one side or the other, or by twisting. Didn't really "stick" beyond a few steps - more like, a change made the body go, "Whaaa?" until it realized it was nothing, then back to pain. Always worse after sitting. Got a little movement by hauling boxes & & tables and throwing pallets, helping organize for a garage sale at work. Otherwise, another rest day, besides a dreadmill mile for shoe testing.

Fun & Play: Super productive day. Potential for stressful morning, feeling almost burned out at 9am (work chaos), until I realized I hadn't had any work coffee yet. That solved a lot of problems! Coworker giddiness today - we really have a lot of smartass fun 'round here. Got to drop a little dose of praise on the team at a meeting. Supper with Holea, who is in a great place already. Successful shoe test & BK chitchat about them.

Tuesday, November 18

Gratitude: I'm so grateful that I have enough money. I was just whining about how our vacation is going to cost more than I want it to, and how I should probably buy two pairs of winter shoes so that I have a rotation (lower chance of overuse injury) - and then I realized what an asshole I am being. To be able to spend money on these things is a blessing, much less to be able to spend more than I really want to? This is an incredible gift! I have dear friends who are struggling right now, some of them big time, and meanwhile these complaints of mine are not just expenses that I can control & that I choose to indulge in (unlike, say, the cost of a divorce, or child support) - and that I can totally afford. Instead of complaining about my "abundant" expenses, I recognize how privileged I am, and feel grateful.

  • 5a-eggs, bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 945-Larabar, meat stick, coffee w/ CM
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 115-chicken, squash, Larabar
  • (515-1m run)
  • 6-salad w/ avocado, SB&J toast 
  • calories 2225: p 500, c 725, f 1000

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 72% quality. Solid as a rock until 4a, then wide the fuck awake. Dozed and dreamed about Western States. GodDAMN, I hope BK gets in. More mountains for me! I mean, yay for my favorite running buddy, but really: it's all about me.

Healthy Movement: Hip still hurts, although there is a little tiny bit of improvement. Session felt good, could kind of feel the hip in first set of squats and then fine. But immediately afterward, from car to TS, it was back. Argh. Bright side: pull-ups PR of 16, hot damn!! Tested a new pair of shoes on the treadmill after class. Just one mile. Liked 'em!

Fun & Play: Uber-productive work day. Session. Buddy praise. Class. Shoe testing.

Monday, November 17

Gratitude: Social media. It's possible to NOT connect through social media, to only have surface connections, and certainly I have "friends" on there that really aren't - but I hide their nonsense and I don't care what they think about mine. And I only make time for two sources: DailyMile & Facebook. Through DM I can keep up with my favorite runners even if I only actually see them once a week, or less. The next time we run, we don't have to catch up on the gap, but can get right down to the nitty gritty details of our hobby. FB gives me the ability to keep tabs on my people, hear their random thoughts, and share my own silliness. I love seeing the little details of others' daily life, pet pictures & kid stories & clever pictures & chicken strips shaped like dragons. Because the little things really are the big things. This I know for certain.

  • 515a-eggs, bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 745-homemade Larabar
  • 945-2 meat sticks
  • 1245p-chicken, dinner roll, Larabar
  • 430-Larabar
  • 615-salad w avocado, toast, apple
  • calories 2425: p 625, c 800, f 1000

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 81% quality. Solid until 4a, then dozing in/out. Alarm woke me, bah.

Healthy Movement: Left hip is very, very tight - has dropped beyond the core and reverted to the hip issue from August. Sadness. I was weirdly excited to TTFU and go running at lunch, tackle the challenge of the sideways snow, Get After It ... but this hip made me stay indoors & rest. Frustrated that I was eager but unable. I was literally getting pissed that BK didn't want to run because I DID want to go run in the nighttime snow. And if he had wanted to, I totally would have. So I know that it's to my physical benefit that he didn't. But not mentally. I want to be able to run whenever I want to. I know it's a minor thing, but it sucks. And I don't know what's causing it, unless my pelvis has turned again. I should do the corrections for that and see if it fixes itself. That would be pretty smart, wouldn't it?

Fun & Play: Class. Another blog post written (not this one - one over here). Much work accomplished (yet so much more not, ugh). Vacation chitchat with FB peeps & BL, and then tracking down flights & a car with the hubs, woo hoo! New winter running shoes with great big meaty lugs! Will have to treadmill test, and even if they suck, it's fun to play with new shoes. It also leads to BK chitchat about shoes. Running buddies are the best.