Sunday, August 28

Body: Poor sleep once again thanks to overeating at supper, but slightly better than yesterday. Again accomplished nothing; drove home after workshop and had too many chores and was too mentally shot to try doing anything.

Brain: Logged more studying as soon as I got up. Workshop felt like more of a joke today, time spent going through machines more than free-weights, learning assessments many places don't do, going over equations for the millionth time, UGH. Was weird for me to see all of the machines after the squat-rack life for so long (we were in a brand new Y); I guess they are meant to prevent people from hurting themselves if they don't know what they're doing but honestly it seems like it keeps those people weak and still lets them hurt themselves. Wouldn't it be better to just offer some education? And cheaper, when you factor in the cost of all those machines?! One of the women in class with me (college kid) was a former monster powerlifter (345 squat, 185 bench, 485 deadlift, like holy fucking shit let her injuries heal so she can get back to it!) so I wished I had been more chatty yesterday when I saw her lifter's legs and just KNEW she was a badass. But oh well. The test felt like a breeze; a few things I was uncertain, but most of it felt like DUH, confident it was probably a 90% score, and we only need 70%. Won't know for up to 4 weeks, though. And now instead of test anxiety, I have this new feeling of "Holy shit, that was just the beginning, the hard part hasn't even started!" Headed home with one stop at UA in Albertville and that was WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE for me, so that was it. At home: chores, hubs time, and gratitude that a 3-day weekend is coming since this one was 0 days.

Saturday, August 27

Body: Poor sleep at hotel, woke up tired. Sat all day at PT cert, then hung with Amy & Maya so did nothing in eve either.

Brain: Major overload. PT cert workshop had spells of "holy shit I can't do this" and "this test is a fucking joke" and "well, it's better than it used to be" and "but really I can't do this WELL." Hanging with Amy was great, and she bought my supper as pre-payment for services of being her accountabilibuddy for the next three months. Food logs, some workout ideas, a person to check in and monitor her. Was a TON of fun hanging with Maya, a toddler full of babbling and questions and strange songs and the occasional tantrum who let me into her inner circle; we were bestest buddies by the time they were headed home. I studied and made flash cards until I hit a point that my gummy eyes insisted I was done.

Friday, August 26

Body: Decent but neck still awful. Quads somewhat sore but not sure if that was session or SUP-ing (kneeled for sections). Tight low back in afternoon, but not TOO bad.

Brain: Busy workday but I managed to keep reminding myself not to panic at the workload, it would get done. And it did. Some good topics covered with Dustin, although mostly things that made me wish again that I had a clone; full-time office work doesn't even feel like enough time to get things done. I literally had the thought that maybe I could work there on Labor Day, get caught up on some shit. (SIGH. I must not, need to avoid giving all of my energy and making it something that ruins me.) Drive to the Cities in eve was draining; I dislike driving even 10 minutes lately, much less 2+ hours.

Thursday, August 25

Body: Neck extremely tight again, after being better yesterday. Session went well. Went SUP-ing with the NSS crew, and it was very fun. (I thought it would feel easier, though?)

Brain: Ups & downs. Moments of happiness, moments of feeling like a piece of shit. I deeply miss the confident woman I was 5 or 6 years ago.

Wednesday, August 24

Body: Got up feeling tired, woke h/s/g at 330a but not enough to get up; Clyde a jerk at 430a, dogs jerks at 530a, FUN TIMES. Body feels good. Neck is improved. Ran with two boys and they were willing to do my walk/run intervals that made it easier for me, plus it was cooler and thus fun!

Brain: Fair to good. Worked on a messy, messy set of books, and LOVED making sense of it all. Also felt guilty at the thought of quitting here anytime soon, after a new hire bolted. I will feel SO GUILTY leaving, no matter when it is. But I also spent the day badly wishing I were at NSS to take care of things there, and I guess the moral of the story is that I need a clone. A lovely run, although I greatly missed Heidi as I drove home; want her back in MN now please.

Tuesday, August 23

Body: Good. Neck went backward today and Aleve had to be taken (didn't need one yesterday). Used the leverage of a lacross ball & the wall on it before session, and that helped a lot. Session didn't bother it, and NG pulls finally hit 20 so I can do weighted instead, and drop the quantity (less mental pressure). After work, went for my "new Tuesday usual" of 30 minutes at Woodland, and moved up to 5-minute run intervals; I got to run with Tim (Timothy?) and it went by pretty quickly despite the heat. Enjoyable, like running is SUPPOSED to be. 

Brain: Good. Had a small amount of anxiety before work but it went away quickly. Frustrated at some of what I did today, felt like I was in a mode of managing people, as I scrutinized & followed up missing data and questioned a lot and I DON'T like doing that, but it was the kind of thing that had to get done because I haven't yet found the perfect software that would automatically do it for us. IF ONLY. On the bright side I dragged along a couple little projects that would lag without me, and that gave me a boost. Brainstormed the upcoming Challenge with Dawn and am gratified we are on the same page.

Got Chief all to myself in my session for the first time since I don't even know when, and naturally I didn't need the high level of therapy today that I have been desperate for lately; told him about the 50k in short sentences, didn't go on & on, but I didn't HAVE TO because one little reference to Boston told him everything he needed to know, and I love that history, as it means I don't have to explain the shit out of myself. He got it, instantly. Everyone else, I have to get into my mental battles, and I'd just rather not. But then again, don't I want to help Defeat the Stigma? Had a set of texts from a friend who was very supportive and conveyed that a spouse has depression & anxiety battles so that was helpful; the more people talk about it, the less shameful it gets.

Met Lisa's new puppy Milo who is SUPER CUTE and sweet and I told Mac she should bring her new best friend over to meet my best friend. Love meeting new dogs! Run with Tim while feeling good was HUGE, and it was refreshing to have someone new to chitchat with. Afterward we stood around talking for probably just as long as our run, about Superior and my crewing secrets and his breakfast-place secrets. Fun! At home, studying with a Clyde in my lap. Cert is this weekend, and I'm looking forward to getting it out of the way.

Monday, August 22

Body: Sleep wasn't great thanks to the too-big supper; even found myself eating less than normal today. Some soreness in legs & glutes & low back from yesterday's workout. The combo of heat, not much time, and 2 speedsters as running buddies kept me home; I did sprints instead.

Brain: Decent. An easy day at DBB, some work without pending deadlines, chitchat, fun times. Took the practice test and barely passed, but given the upcoming class itself, I think I'm where I can expect to be. Came home and made the easy exercise choice, then had a good amount of time to study further. I'm finding a lot of issues with the info; there is so very little that feels helpful to actual real-life PT situations, but NSS is a lot different than most gyms, so that's part of it. Still, all I have to do is pass, so I can cross the T's and dot the I's, and then move on to REAL learning. Parents delivered camper and the friend PAID us for using it! Hey, new revenue stream!