Thursday, November 27

Gratitude: Races. I don't really want to do them anymore, but I love being at them. I love seeing others achieve. I love helping others achieve. I could be at races every single weekend, whether volunteering or crewing, and would be so very fulfilled, without ever racing again. Full-time cheerleader, volunteer, do I get that perfect job?

Nutrition: Although this is high calories for a rest day, it sure as hell isn't high calories for Thanksgiving. Still surprises me how things have moderated themselves so naturally & effortlessly since I stopped restricting.
  • 530-eggs, Canadian bacon, toast, coffee w CM, SB&J toast
  • 930-Larabar
  • 11-SB&J toast
  • 1-salad, chicken, squash, veg, fruit, coffee
  • 5-Larabar
  • 630-eggs, bacon, toast, decaf, SB&J toast
  • Calories: 2775: p 750, c 1175, f 850

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 1015p-515a, 79% quality. Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what the fuck I was doing up so late. No memory of it whatsoever, as I type this all of 36 hours later.

Healthy Movement: Pretty much none; pure laziness today! Hip saw no improvement today, no surprise given I've been forgetting my evening PT work. Shivering outside for an hour while sitting was bad. Sitting all day at the Thanksgiving feast was also bad. And uncomfortable for many positions. But would've been way too fucking weird to stand and hover, and just a little too formal to lay on the floor. Damn.

Fun & Play: 5k volunteering with a few of my favorite people = best way to start the best holiday. Bunch of "I'm thankful for you" texts out to my besties, which meant a bunch of love-filled texts back. Happiness! Family time was pleasant & relaxing.

Wednesday, November 26

Gratitude: My strength. I love being strong after a lifetime of weakness. I will never be weak again by choice. It might be a bit too much of an obsession for me, but given my history, it's the better end of the spectrum. Saner. Healthier. And today, my strength allowed me to play "toddler squat & toss" at the Hoppe household, which was great fun to both me & the toddlers, although I couldn't do enough for their satisfaction. Mine either, to be honest, but I loved finding this fun little party trick.

Nutrition: This afternoon I wanted to eat my own goddamn fists off. No idea why, but it was legit hunger, not stress-cravings.
  • 5a-fried egg sandwich w/ mustard, Canadian bacon, SB&J toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 830-Larabar
  • 945-Kind Strong bar, coffee w/ CM
  • 12-pork tenderloin, sad iceberg salad
  • 130-apple, Larabar
  • 330-Kind Strong bar
  • 430-coconut butter
  • 7-ham, pineapple, potatoes, spaghetti squash, raw veg, Zevia
  • calories 2675: p 775, c 1100, f 800
Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 80% quality. I'd rate it more like 90%; it was solid as hell until 4a, which meant the alarm woke me from my return to sleep. Bah.

Healthy Movement: Got up with hip feeling about the same as yesterday. Did class which was super fun, swapping the DB racks around to where I've always wanted them. Happier instructor now! Not much improvement in hip throughout the day, although no worse either.

Fun & Play: Class. Chitchat with BK, a surprise but too-brief appearance by BB. LAPW lunch where I was told to dig out my phone and text a "Thank you" to someone who has inspired me: I sent three. Productive, helpful coworkers. A delightful Hoppe family Thanksgiving.

Stress Management: Work. Fucking ugh. I'm coping okay stress-wise (at least for today), but I'm rapidly turning into this: 

Tuesday, November 25

Gratitude: The Well. I will be forever grateful for how it has changed my life in terms of strength & fitness, but also the incredible people it's put into my life, like leading me to NSS. And I love the experience I gain by teaching here; such a range of people is fabulous learning for me, and the peeps in my class are a delight. Part of me wants to do it full-time. Or maybe just half-time...because I would desperately miss my spreadsheets and balance sheets.

  • 530-eggs, Canadian bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 9-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 1015-pepitas
  • 1115-Kind Strong bar
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 115-tuna w mustard, rice crackers, Larabar
  • 4-Larabar
  • 8-chicken w mustard, apple
  • calories 2150: p 825, c 725, f 600

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a, 80% quality. In a bit late but fell asleep quickly. Woke naturally but could've used a little longer. 

Healthy Movement: Hip feeling decent in the AM, better overnight than the night before. But once again made me wince getting out of my car. What the hell can I do about that? I can avoid sitting all day at work - but I can't exactly stand while driving. (Although? I wish I could.) Session made the hip feel much better again, literally trotting around the turf with zero pain. Movement works, yo! But it hurt again getting out of my car back at TS. Made me want to smash things, fiercely. Did my class but kept it on the light side, felt great! Hip was great the rest of the night despite sitting for two straight hours. Just a touch of tightness, a pleasant surprise.

Fun & Play: Another birthday gift early in the morning: a Trav's gift card from Timmy! Made a Friday breakfast date with Holea. BK chitchat and birthday coffee. Fun session, with deadlift PR and pull-up total-rep PR. Also, just feeling beastly! Very sweet birthday gift from Monica. Very wonderful RAK story from Brett, made my day entirely, AND he told me about his planned new family holiday tradition, involving taking his girls to do RAKs every weekend between Thanksgiving & Christmas. Dude is so amazing.

Stress Management: Man, I am so fucking TARRED of feeling overwhelmed by my to-do list. I'll be working TS all day Friday to try to Get Shit Done. And that means working at NSS after the breakfast run on Saturday. Or maybe on Sunday. Whatevs, soon I'll be working every weekend, might as well get used to it now, right? 

Monday, November 24

Gratitude: All of my people that I haven't yet mentioned this month. I got over 100 messages via FB, text, and email. And some cards. And a few in-person hugs. And my mood went from utter shit at the start of the day, to super happy and deeply loving the world again by the end. I am thoroughly spoiled by all of this love.

  • 230a-Larabar
  • 515-eggs, sausage, Canadian bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-coffee w/ CM
  • 9-coconut butter, moar coffees w/ CM
  • 1045-half bag lemon super cookies
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-chicken, butternut squash, apple
  • 345-half bag lemon super cookies
  • 630-salad w avocado, toast, bacon jerky, kombucha
  • calories 2850: p 600, c 950, f 1300

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 84% quality. Up at 230a for bathroom, water, Larabar. Fell back relatively easily but did lay there for a while with a monkey mind.
Healthy Movement: Hip hurt but tolerable at home, hurt like a motherfucker walking into work. What the hell is it about sitting?! It's also not a weight-bearing pain; I could feel it sharply just moving my leg to roll over in bed; pain initiates from the hip flexor movement, but that's not where the pain is. Felt like an old person. Did some PT moves in class, a lot of extra lunge holds to stretch the left front, and it all helped. Still, limping much of the morning. Frustrating and beat down mentally. Went into the session determined to walk out feeling great, and I did. Of course! This is the magic of NSS and Dustin.

Fun & Play: Birthday wishes from my class attendees. Birthday voice mail from my papa. Doing my RAKs. FB birthday messages galore. Birthday texts from my loved ones. A Relay donation by my BB. Session. Ordered treats for an entire team at work, anonymously. RAKs rule!

Temperance: Still hating on myself. That's a fun way to start your birthday. I spent my drive into work reminding myself that it's lifting season, and most lifters aren't running 13 miles, and I showed up yesterday expecting only one lap, so why the hell should I be upset that I got 1.5 laps?! Because I'm a perfectionist overachiever. And I need to knock that shit off, or I will go insane.

Work super sucked in the morning. Spent my first few hours morning feeling like a total idiot because I'm trying to take over a full-time job as just one of my many tasks, with almost no help on what I'm doing. I know that's just how this is going to go, but...Not. Fun.

Luckily, my people, as always, saved the day. A million birthday wishes, silly texts, a couple cards, a Relay donation, a fantastic session, a ton of laughs.

Sunday, November 23

Gratitude: Old friends. It's a beautiful, precious thing to still be close to people who were my besties during my formative years. We are at ease instantly, catch up quickly, and laugh so very hard together. Love them thoroughly.

  • 630-eggs, sausage, toast, SB&J dinner roll, coffee w/ CM
  • 915-homemade Larabar
  • (1015-12.9m run)
  • During-toddler pack, Larabar, rice crackers, SB&J
  • 1pm-apple
  • 2-SB&J, homemade Larabar 
  • 430-Larabar
  • 530-chef salad, decaf
  • calories 2550: p 525, c 1125, f 900

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 930p-615a, 90% quality. Slept like a rock, but I didn't get up feeling rested.

Healthy Movement: In addition to left hip pain, also a tight right Achilles. Felt rather bleah all over. The trail run seemed like a terrible idea, but I packed as though I'd do it all, just in case shit magically came together. It didn't, and I'm now struggling to be proud of what I DID accomplish, even if it's less than what I WANTED to accomplish. It's still more than I would have done without my foolish friends getting me out there, and more than 0, but I finished feeling like a beat-up weak little quitter, and that's never a good feeling. Feet a little sore from the run, right more than left; left knee gave a few angry shouts around mile 11 but faded; left hip was mildly there on first lap, a little worse on second lap after the pit stop, but it didn't get any worse as I kept running on it; right Achilles was fine on the run, but tighter than left the rest of the day. Full PT before bed.

Fun & Play: Love my running peeps so much. Nature. Chitchat about 5k volunteering on Thanksgiving morning. Posted my gift request (RAKs) on FB. Lovely, enjoyable supper with two of my oldest friends.

Nature: The saving grace of that run was enjoying the winter beauty. We only saw two deer early on, and a few squirrels, but I loved watching the trail for tracks (SO MANY TRACKS) and being out in the warm day, and building a miniature snowman while walking up a hill. And I hope I can remember that, with adjusted expectations, trails can and MUST be done this winter, because the nature is, as always, worth the effort.

Temperance: Sad about my run. Took offense at BK saying the trails were easy, felt hurt by it - and then realized I wasn't mad at him but rather at the unfairness of it. They probably were easy for him. And a few weeks ago would've been easy for me, too. I'm sad at how quickly I've lost my running abilities. In a matter of two weeks I've gone from feeling like a runner on top of the world, can do no wrong, to again feeling like a meathead weightlifter who should give up running. Realizing it's probably going to take me most of next summer to get back to where I got this fall. And I'm never gonna be a good enough pacer for BK. And woe is me, blah blah blah.

And my face is freaking out - for unknown reasons, compounding my sadness - so tomorrow I turn 36 with the skin of an ugly16-year old. Hate my face, blah blah blah.

Fucked up the husband's entire day by sending him off to buy a snowmobile (to fix & resell) with a checkbook that had no check blanks. He had it loaded up and everything. 180 miles round trip. Given how pissed I'd be at him in that situation, I got right to hating on myself for it, so fucking stupid, blah blah blah. 

Saturday, November 22

Gratitude: My family. Seriously amazing people. I actually had FUN spending 4 hours cutting up hogs and washing up equipment, chatting & laughing & working hard all being equally delightful with those people in the mix. I was then fed a tasty lunch by my mama, and serenaded by all the wee cousins. Hugs all around, & wishes to see each other again soon, and actual true sadness that it's not as often as I'd like. The. Best. People.

Nutrition: Once again, a massive carb-load of pizza for supper. Fuck you, it's my birthday weekend, and I'm [stupidly, perhaps] going to attempt 20-30 trail miles tomorrow.
  • 430a-eggs, sausage, toast, SB&J toast, coffee w/ CM
  • (6-5.25m run)
  • 730-banana
  • 1230p-venison burger, roasted cauliflower, apple, Larabar, much coffee
  • 3-homemade Larabar 
  • 6-Daiya pizza w/ Canadian bacon, red tea
  • 730-root beer float (Zevia & AZ)
  • Calories 3100: p 650, c 1975, f 475
Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 915p-415a, 80% quality. In a bit late and took a while to fall asleep, then woke a bit earlier than necessary, not enough time to fall back. Got up feeling rested, though. Logged a solid afternoon nap 315-515p.

Healthy Movement: Felt great at home but hip hurt just as soon as I got out of the car to run. Fuck. You. I just ran through the pain (not being badass, just stubborn; the pain is mild-ish), and tried to see if leftward slant or rightward slant or perfectly flat would help: nothing changed it. Bah. Was sore all day, but standing & cutting meat/fat didn't bother it, both legs equally weight-bearing. At home, napped, then was sitting all eve.

Fun & Play: ROUS run with my favorites. Hog butchering fun times with the family. A dozen kiddos singing Happy Birthday to me. Lovely birthday gift from the parents. Vacation booked, FINALLY. Flying to Vegas, road trip from there; $100 saved vs Phoenix. Next up: even more logistics, since we have to plot a route and maybe some hotels, and OH I have all these pets needing care & feeding. Gah. At least that all can "pend" a little longer.

Friday, November 21

Gratitude: Oscar, my little gray tiger, is THE perfect snuggle buddy. Every night he lays on my right side, snugge up tight against me. When I flip over, sweeping the blanket right out from underneath him, he calmly rises & waits for me to simmer down, and then resettles, again snugged up tight against me. He never wakes me up, unlike his siblings. He is my alpha kitty, ready to fight Hank at a moment's notice, protective of his little orange brother, and very vocal when I forget to feed them. He's also got the most expressive eyes I've ever seen on a kitty. I love him to bits!

Nutrition: Stocking up on calories for the weekend'a adventures. And also, I just wanted pizza. 
  • 530-eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 745-coffee w /CM
  • 945-homemade Larabar
  • 12p-tuna w/ mustard, rice crackers, apple
  • 215-Larabar 
  • 6-cheese pizza w/ Canadian bacon
  • 730-pint AZ
  • calories 3025: p 850, c 1675, f 600
Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a, 81% quality. I have no idea what the fuck I was doing to get to bed that late. I did my PT, but that takes all of 5 minutes. Get your shit together, girl! At least I slept like a rock. Vivid weird dreams. Woke naturally at 5a and thought I might fall back, but no.

Healthy Movement: Never noticed hip at home, flinched as I got out of car at work. Sitting = bad news bears. More movement =more happiness. Stood at NSS all afternoon, makeshift standing desk. At home, only sat on couch, and felt pretty good by bedtime. 

Fun & Play: FB silliness. BK chitchat. Farm fresh eggs delivery day! Lunch with my BB! Productive afternoon at NSS. Lazy TV time with pets in my lap. 

Temperance: I've been reading a lot more and writing a little more. Very satisfying. Must fill my previous "allotted for running" hours with this.