Thursday, January 29

  • 545a-fried egg sandwich w/ bacon, mustard, & Slawsa, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-Larabar
  • 930-meat stick, grapefruit, coffee w/ CM
  • 1130-LB
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-tuna w/ mustard, toast, apple, Kind Strong bar
  • 345-Renola
  • 6-Cobb salad, decaf coffee

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 930p-530a, 89% quality. In late because I was playing with the BK spreadsheet while I stretched which led to a LOT more than 5 minutes of formula testing, and then frustrating dreams of charts!

Healthy Movement: Body a bit fatigued; some tight lower legs & sore feet straight outta bed, but all improved as I moved. Still, I backed out of tomorrow's running date with BK. Already piling on miles (in tax/lifting season terms, anyway) and would like to keep things on the upswing, not get overly ambitious just because I feel so amazing compared to last week's beatdown. Session went great; body was all good & pulls are coming back some. Fun to be able to notice the very bright, but very little, signs of improvement, like a speedy crawl or perfect TGU form. Slightly reduced deadlift reps compared to last week, but increased the weight; honestly felt like I still could've nailed 8 reps but I did NOT want to pay the high price for them in terms of energy levels. Given that I still felt some of those ghost-pain stress-niggles, I don't want to go balls-out quite yet.

Fun & Play: BK spreadsheet updates first off - a smarter time to play with them. A LOT smarter, because I figured out my formula workaround in no time! Much coworker silliness. Break time with BK to discuss spreadsheets & Zumbro, plus chitchat with AS on bench press foolishness. Fun session, including silliness with Timmy. Work productivity. Delightful class, followed by MORE chitchat with AS on his programming - gonna turn that boy into a focused, strong-ass meathead.

Finally, supper with my BB at my favorite restaurant. Hours of talk, and hours more that we could've. Love love love. ALL the love.

Wednesday, January 28

Nutrition: Easy day again. Yay!
  • 515a-fried egg sandwich w/ bacon & mustard, coffee w/ CM
  • 830-Larabar
  • 945-meat stick, orange, coffee w/ CM
  • 12p-tuna w/ mustard & rice crackers, apple
  • 130-LB
  • 330-Renola
  • (530-7m run)
  • 7-summer sausage w/ rice crackers, SB&J toast, tea w/ CM

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 98% quality. Uh, no. At least an hour before I fell asleep, woke at 330a when the hubs was leaving, though fairly solid otherwise. More like 85-90%.

Healthy Movement: Felt typical squat soreness in class warm-up, though nothing from bench. Do still have a slightly-shifty low back, it simply does not like full-on stretches. Still carrying stress there, possibly. Had a fabulous run with Heidi, although the body didn't love it as much as the brain. Nice long PT stretch in the eve.

Fun & Play: A silver lining to the hubs being gone is making noise in the morning. Some days, pure silence is 100% vital, but some day (like today), it's a delight to listen to Amy Poehler's audiobook. Productive workday. Lunch with Timmy! Chitchat with BK & AS & PJ (all my DC peeps!), FB silliness, emails with my BB. Extra chitchat with BK about the spreadsheet I made for running-related data, the charts & graphs & fun, oh my!

Had THE most wonderful run with HH tonight. We covered all issues related to marriage & relationships & running & ROUSing & false personas & vulnerability & surface-relationships vs real-and-true deep-love soul-sharing relationships & finding what you love & the voices in our heads & how vital it is to take care of ourselves. We reiterated & reinforced over & over, in so many ways, that it is not selfish to fill our own buckets first; they are what allow us to continually pour ourselves back out to our beloveds. I can't even count how many hugs we shared at the end. It was pure love. Exactly what I needed. We have determined that this shall be a weekly outing, and while we will open our invites to others, we will both secretly hope no one else can ever make it.

Tuesday, January 27

Nutrition: Cripes, I need to lay off the Larabars. Or start making my own.
  • 6-eggs, pork roast, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 830-coffee w/ CM
  • 1030-Larabar
  • 1130-half LB
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-chicken, toast, half LB
  • 330-LB
  • 615-fish, summer sausage w/ rice crackers, apple w/ SB, bootch

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 930p-545a, 92% quality. How did I get to bed so late, WTF was I doing? Good question. No answer. Slept soundly, woke naturally.

Healthy Movement: Achey deep-left glute again, but improved throughout the day and fine in session. Session felt pretty good; nothing impressive in the numbers, but form was beautiful.

Fun & Play: Super productive work day, lotta progress made. Timmy in my session. Good talk with Dustin. Awesome class, a newbie and much chitchat afterward with BL and AS. Possible BL is joining HH and I tomorrow night at LCSP! (And yes, maybe now I'm just being stoopid with the abbreviating.)

Stress Management: NSS posted the 2015 T&S dates. I'm actually unsure whether I want to do it. It's fun & it's beautiful, yes. But it's not much of a challenge anymore, which is acceptable as not everything needs to be hard, but it's rather a lot of money for what amount to frustratingly short, slow runs that aren't even on the best sections of the SHT. And bringing so much my own damn food for most of it, yet still paying the same amount, is seriously fucking annoying. And while the group has always been fairly fun, I'd truly rather spend more time with my already-beloveds. New people are good, but spending a weekend only surface-connecting, when I could instead strengthen the already-deep bonds I've got with my precious peeps...I guess I'd just rather go (farther) up north with my running besties.

Experiencing the Superior 100 with BK & crew, man, it was just SO MUCH MORE than the T&S. The very first year, the T&S created similarly deep connections, but not since then. I think it's because we were all friends already going in, and we just became BETTER friends. I didn't really have a desire to connect with everyone last year. I just kept thinking how much better it would be with my ROUS family.

So, I went ahead and set up a poll to figure out a ROUS weekend to go on up there. We simply must make it happen. do I NOT do the T&S again, I'm the only every-single-year veteran!

Hm, maybe I can do both, it doesn't have to be either/or, I guess...yet how much can I afford, both financially & maritally? I've already got the Spring Superior 50k, Tahoe, Superior 100, then possibly a ROUS weekend and the T&S? This is a span of 6 months; will the hubs be okay with me being gone a full weekend every month without him? What if he comprehends just how insanely fulfilling that would be for me? Could ANYONE possibly comprehend that, besides another social-butterfly of a trail runner?

Monday, January 26

Nutrition: Easy. Easy easy easy. Yay!
  • 515a-eggs, pork roast, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 830-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 10-ham stick, coffee w/ CM
  • 1p-chicken w/ mustard, apple, coconut butter
  • 4-Larabar
  • (430-7m run)
  • 7-veggies & pork rinds w/ salsa, apple w/ SB

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 74% quality. Woke at 3a to a scampering Hanky, but I just yelled at him & rolled over. Wasn't at all solid from there onward, but I did fall back.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling almost normal. Low back still a touch over-reactive on stretches. Logged a lap at LCSP with a bestie, and it felt pretty great. Faster than Saturday but a million times easier: happiness!

Fun & Play: Class. I finally called Mary and we talked for an HOUR. It was absolutely positively wonderful. So happy I did it, so thoroughly wish I had done it sooner. I came away so thankful for her good fortune and flat-out loving my life and everyone in it. Bit of chitchat with the hubs as he hit the halfway point of the hog-hauling trip. Half-lunched with BK. Left work early, paper piles & to-do lists be damned. Ran my favorite lap of my favorite park with my favorite running buddy in warm January daylight and caught up on our lives. What's not to love?

Also, we have devised a new Sabrina phrase: hulk-hugs. Imma start giving 'em left & right!

Stress Management: Made plans to leave work by 4p today despite the stupid workload. Hoping that fewer hours can save me. Plus, I get home early enough to get a few things done at home.And on Tuesdays & Thursdays, when I'm there later for class, I'm going in later. If I can't sleep in, then maybe I accomplish a chore in the MORNING that I would usually do at night. What a concept! This doesn't always work, because teaching class is not exactly something I can claim as a reason for missing an accounting deadline, but at the end of the month? I'm doing it. Fuck it. Life is not work. Life is LIFE. Perspective.

Sunday, January 25

Nutrition: Ate too much but it was more craving/munchy feelings, than the raving hunger of the other day. 
  • 615a-eggs, chicken sausage, bacon, toast, coffee
  • 8-Larabar
  • 10-cran-blueberry crunch
  • 1230-jerky, c-b crunch, Halos, Larabar 
  • 3-kind strong bar
  • 530-pork roast, fruit, chia bootch
  • 630-SB&J toast, apple w SB

Sleep: 9 (!) hours in bed, 9p-6a, 92% quality. At least an hour before I fell asleep, but solid once I did. Woke around 3a when the hubs was up & leaving, but back out after that. Dozed 5-6a but got up feeling rested, finally.

Healthy Movement: Body is significantly better. Almost normal. Managed to log a few sets of 5 pulls, and they were okay. Standing at tax firm in Vibrams (yay, uber-casual days!) with occasional sitting. At home, pure & total laziness in front of the TV. 

Fun & Play: Knocked out a ton of work at DBB. Laziness w/ Clyde. Plotting out a couple trail runs for the week. 

Saturday, January 24

  • 5a-eggs, chicken brat, toast, coffee w/ CM, Larabar
  • (630-7m trails)
  • 8-Larabar, coffee
  • (830-yoga)
  • 10-SB&J toast
  • 130p-iceberg, tomato, cukes, deli lunch meat, can Zevia
  • 3-chili pistachios
  • 530-Larabar
  • 7-pork roast & fried plantains w balsamic, fruit 

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 86% quality. Lots of tossing & turning according to the graph, but I don't recall. I woke & dozed around 4a. Alarm buzzed to get me up in time to run. I truly should have shut it off and stayed in bed. Spent the day very, very tired. Tears level of exhaustion was achieved. Napped for an hour, 4-5p.

Healthy Movement: Body did as expected on the "usual" trail run, which is to say that it was hard since I'm currently a meathead, not a runner, but I managed to finish feeling decent. At yoga afterward, we began some good, thorough low-back stretching, and mine Freaked The Fuck Out. It nearly seized up coming into a standing position. I suspect that post-run, when I got cold & shivering, it tightened up, and I should have eased very, very slowly into stretching it. So I did that when it freaked out, ignoring the video & doing gentle, slow, mild stretches in various positions. I nearly began crying with frustration that it should be so sensitive, but I held it together, barely. By the finish it was feeling normal again, but I was thoroughly exhausted.

Entire lower body ached like a motherfucker for the rest of the day. Rode in a car for 1.5 hours, got out with an aching left core & glute. Sat on the floor for about an hour, laid on it, stretched here & there, continued to feel awful. Felt better when I could stand or sit, so I did that. Another 1.5 hours back home, nearly falling asleep, and again felt rotten after that. Ache ache ache.

Solution? More sleep. I don't care if I start going to bed at 8pm, this body needs more recovery than it's getting. No more extra stress[, husband!]. I have the ability to live in a sty of a house without it bothering me, so I need to find more similar fucks to stop giving. I can start with moderating my work hours a little; fuck 'em if I start missing deadlines, it's their own goddamn fault. It's not going to benefit my employer(s) if I kill myself. I can also let down my friends if a planned running date is going to make me worse, not better. That might be enough?

Fun & Play: Trails with friends. A beautiful sunrise. Texts with my truest besties, BB, BK, & LT, letting them know how much I miss chatting with them. Time with the in-laws. Household-wide napping. Hubs time.

Stress Management: On the drive to LCSP this morning, tired and emotional, I began to cry as it sank in: I miss my friends so motherfucking much. It is 100% goddamn clear to me how much interaction I need on a regular daily basis, and how that need becomes life-saving when I'm stressed. This was one of the worst weeks ever, and the hubs wasn't enough since he was part of the problem; I only got a half hour of BK early on, nothing later as we both seemed to lay low & avoid each other (and that certainly added to the stress beatdown); I got a ten-minute dose of Timmy post-official-meeting; I got a few texts with my BB. I did get supper with HB, but not until I was already exhausted. None of that was enough to help me calm down and work through the mental stress of the week.

It's not like I wanted a bunch of coffee dates or suppers out because that would have added commitments (of which I already have far, far too many). I think this is precisely why the constant back & forth with BK is so perfect: tiny blips of delight that take tiny bits of time, done at my convenience. Or being able to talk with BK or HH on a run - I'm already going to run anyway so it's not an additional commitment, just an enhanced one. (That said, I didn't even get to bring it up with HH today, because even though I would've been fine to share with DQ as well, I was working too damned hard just. to. breathe.)

So that's why I texted all of my besties to work on re-solidifying the convos, and I shall let the hubs know why I need this much texting interaction: he is not enough. No one is. I need the help of all of my people, all of the damn time, and he has to accept that. Otherwise he gets the messy crying heap I became today, and neither of us wants that.

Friday, January 23

Nutrition: Tried to eat extra today to avoid deadlift soreness and mitigate tiredness. I managed to avoid adding coffee at lunch, despite being at the cutest little coffee shop in the world. Or at least in Minnesota. Okay FINE just in Sauk Centre. 

Fuck though, could've eaten my fists off today. Not cravings, all legit hunger. Nothing satisfied. For supper I went for my max-cal combo, hoping that would give me a semblance of recovery by tomorrow. 

  • 445a-eggs, chicken brat, toast, SB&J toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-Larabar 
  • 1015-Larabar 
  • 12p-southwest-type salad
  • 1-apple, Larabar, jerky (salad too damned small; and still hungry as shit; I basically needed a whole 'nutha meal, WTF?)
  • 330-bacon jerky, Halos, apple chips
  • 630-Daiya pizza, pint AZ

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 915p-430a, 73% quality. Not enough. Thanks a lot Hank, ya fat jerk. So. Tired. 

Healthy Movement: Feeling some all-over stiffness from deadlifts. More in the back than in legs or glutes. Also, HANDS. My fucking hands ache. What? Low energy at lunchtime. Low low low. Took a short walk around 3p to the gas station and started to feel sore glutes then. Sore by eve. Near "tears level" of exhaustion on the drive home. Ugh. 

Fun & Play: Hubs time in morning and evening. DBB instead of TS, a good change of pace. Fun peeps there! Love the work as well. Lunch with Mom, although I was [much] less than alert or chatty. Everything felt like Shit That Does Not Matter. So tired. FB silliness with assorted peeps. Clyde snuggles.